#ive been sitting on these for a few days and since i have work early i thought id finish them sooner rather than later x—x

[reidmania]

post it note | s. reid

summary; when yours and spencer's schedules begin to clash making it hard to see each other - even while living together, a silent act of affection in the shape of a post it note helps make all better.

warnings; fem reader, reader has a job that needs her to wake up early, literally no angst really at all, this is pure fluff, the fluffest fluff ever, established relationships, this was gonna be a no dialogue fic, but there is dialogue and its the sweetest ever. spencer is clingy, spencer is SOO in love.

an; this is the fluffiest shit ive ever written, also i finally figured out how to make custom colours on this silly thing. 2k words yay.

It was a month since Spencer had asked you to move in with him when it all started. You wanted to be able to see each other more, since it was difficult to do so when he was being called out to cases constantly. While you would see each other when he got back, see each other whenever you could, between your work, and his, it made it difficult. You already had clothes at his house. The first time you had ever come over, he had given you a drawer in his dresser, dedicated to whatever you wanted to put into it.

That drawer grew to your necklaces and rings being left on his side table, a version of your perfume next to his cologne on top of his dresser, a toothbrush next to his in the white mug he used as a makeshift toothbrush holder, a pair of your shoes by the door, a few of your coats hanging up next to his by the entrance, your favourite snacks and drinks stocked in his pantry and fridge, you basically already lived there – because Spencer wanted you to be comfortable in the place of his house whenever you were there

So you moving in was a no brainer.

Unfortunately, it seemed the issue wasn’t such an easy fix. While you got comfortable in his home, and saw him somewhat more than before, new issues occurred. He didn’t get home most nights till you were already fast asleep, curled up on the side of the bed dedicated to you, he would shower and change as quietly as possible not to wake you, then he would slip into bed and pull you into his arms. You would shuffle and ease into his touch, he would fall asleep holding you, you would remain asleep in his arms.

Then, in the morning you would wake up before him to leave for work. You hated that, having to unwrap his arms from you and watch him shuffle uncomfortably before finding a replacement to your warmth in the thick covers. You would get ready quietly, before you would spend a moment sitting on the edge of the bed, making sure he was comfortable as you brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead, admiring his peaceful features, placing a kiss on his forehead before you left for the day.

When you did see each other, properly, consciously. Everything was fine, it was great. It was mostly when Spencer got to finish work earlier, being able to be home for dinner when you made it. Sometimes he would call you and ask you to hold off making dinner till he got home, just so he could make it with you. You always would. Those evenings the two of you would spend in the kitchen making dinner with each other, he would wrap his arms around your waist, pressing his chest against your back as he leant down to rest his chin on your forehead. You’d sway softly together to whatever music you had been playing quietly in the background while he mumbled gently whispers of love into your ear.

On the mornings you didn’t have to work as early, you’d sleep in, Spencer would wake up earlier those days to spend the morning with you before he had to leave for work. He would pull you closer so you were basically laying on his chest, he would pepper your face with kisses as you let out a string of sweet laugher that made his chest swell. It was the same routine, he would lean in for a kiss, you’d complain about morning breath and then kiss him anyways before you brushed your teeth together making sweet jokes. 

The sweet evenings and giddy mornings made those nights and mornings you didn’t get to properly spend time together a little easier to cope with.

The idea came to you one night while you were cleaning up before bed. Spencer had called you a few hours ago to let you know that he was going to be there a little later. He always lets you know. He didn’t want to leave you hanging, and he never did. You understood the demands of his job, you’d never blame him for that. You two were handling the difficulties the best you could. However as you cleaned the kitchen your mind drifted. 

Moments later you were digging through the drawers in his home office, pulling out a pile of dulled out pink post it notes (ones he had started using rather than yellow ones because you said you liked them.) You grabbed a pen from the collection he had laid out, neatly organised on the side of his desk, and wrote a soft ‘I love you’ on the top note, before pulling it away from the rest of the collection, placing the rest back in his draw and putting his pen back, exactly how it was, before you stood and paddered through the house.

You stuck it to the door where you knew he would see it. You didn’t have to worry about him missing it. Spencer spent time making sure the doors and windows were locked, not only because he knew the dangers of otherwise, but he had taken that small routine so much more seriously since you had moved in. You knew he would notice it. That's all you wanted. Sure, you could’ve just sent it as a text, but chances are Spencer would see it as soon as you sent it. That wasn’t what you wanted. The nights you weren’t up to see him when he got home, you weren’t able to mumble the soft reminder to him before you fell asleep, give him any sort of affection later in the night. It was a small thing, but you hoped he found it sweet.

The next morning you woke up tangled in Spencer’s arms. He was fast asleep, eyebrows furrowed in comfort, lips slightly parted as soft breaths left his lips. Your heart pulled as you untangled yourself from his arms and left the bed. You watched for a moment as his brows furrowed further, arms reaching out for your body in his sleep and your stomach flipped. That moment you looked away, knowing if you didn’t you would end up back in his arms and not at work. You moved around the room quietly, getting yourself ready trying your best not to wake him. 

“Come back” You heard his voice and your head spun to see he had shifted to sit up a little bit more, watching as you moved around the room. His eyes were lidded with sleep and he was clearly unimpressed by your absence. This was why you tried to be so quiet in the mornings. He had said numerous times you could wake him up before you left, but then the one time you did, it ended in you both calling in sick to work and staying in bed for way too many hours.

“Good morning” You replied as you pulled on your jacket before you walked over to him. Not giving into his request despite how much you wanted to. You hand reached out to brush strands of messy hair away from his forehead, then getting distracted and running your hand gently through the soft strands of hair. His hand caught your wrist softly, pulling your hand to interlace his fingers with yours before he pressed his lips against your knuckles softly, your chest warmed.

“Hi angel,” he mumbled back, looking up at you. His hand gently tugged on yours trying to silently plead you back into his arms. It took a lot of self control not to give in and bury yourself into the place next to him, forget about work and any responsibilities and lose to him.

But you had a moment, and if Spencer was awake, you would spend it with him.

“How was work?” You asked, a lot of the time the question came the day after. Not hearing about his day immediately didn’t make you any less interested in hearing about it. You allowed yourself to shuffle closer to him, your forearm resting gently against his chest as he continued to press his lips against your knuckles softly.

He huffed out a warm breath of air against the skin of your fingers, “Fine, I missed you” he said gently. You were sure every time he said something your heart doubled in size, because although you had heard the words from him maybe a million times, it didn’t change how sweet he sounded saying them. The rest of the time you had before needing to leave for work was a mix between getting ready, and trying to deny Spencer’s soft plea’s for you to stay just a few minutes more before he finally gave in to letting you leave for the day, not without a few soft kisses to your lips, and your loving complaint about morning breath.

When you left the bedroom, ready, you made your way to the kitchen to make coffee like every other morning. You and Spencer liked two different types of coffee beans, he always made sure to keep them both stocked. You got the travel cup ready before making your way over to the pantry to get out your coffee beans, your heart swelled almost painfully at the sight when you opened the door.

The post it note you had stuck to the door, was placed on your bag of coffee beans. You had almost forgotten about it, but with the silent acknowledgement that he had seen it, you couldn’t help the smile on your face. The fact he could have just smiled and binned it, but instead moved it to a place he knew you would see it, like you had for him. It was the silent act of love and affection that made the nights and mornings you didn’t get to spend time together so much easier.

When you got home, before you went to bed you moved the post it note to his desk in his home office, when you woke up to leave for work, he had moved it to your work bag. From that point on it became a silent game between the two of you. Neither of you vocally acknowledged it, you didn’t need to. Each night before you went to bed you would move it for him to find when he got home, each morning you would find it in a new place. It became something you looked forward to everyday, finding out where he had placed it.

It had been a year since it started, the same post it note was used every time, the same one that you had placed on the door the first time. You both kept up with it, there wasn’t a single day either of you skipped moving it around, even the days you had off, or the days Spencer finished early. Whoever woke up first would move it, and whoever went to bed last would move it again. 

You were wrapped in Spencer’s arms, one of the nights he was able to finish early. You were pretty sure he had already moved the post it note since he had pressed kisses against your forehead before telling you to stay in bed, before he left the room for a few minutes, then returned with a giddy smile.

He was half asleep when he murmured out your name, your head resting on his chest as his arms remained tightly wrapped around you. You had let out a soft hum in response, the tiredness affecting you just as much as him. He had leant down and nuzzled his face into your hair, inhaling the scent of your shampoo before pressing a soft kiss against the top of your head.

“When I propose, I'm gonna do it with a thousand post it notes” He spoke so gently, voice laced with sleep. Your breath hitched slightly even in the tired state, your mind fogged and your chest aches – in the best way at the mention of him proposing. The vocal mention of the game you two had been playing for the last year of your relationship, the fact the silent ache was so insanely important to him, just like it was to you.

“Yeah?” you whispered back. You felt him nod into your hair as his fingers came to slowly brush through the strands.

“Mhm, Then I wanna be buried with the original.”

[midday-clouds]

Yandere Batfamily x Neglected & "Immortal" Reader 》 IV

Part I Part II Part III

Wow, can't believe this was just a concept idea and this is part IV XD Part V may be the end but I'm not entirely sure. Don't get your hopes up for a part VI

Also, some of y'all wanted a tag list soo (Did my best but I couldn't @ some of you-)

Tag: @redkarmakai @erikasurfer @szapizzapanda @kore-of-the-underworld @imhere2dosomething @pastel-mouse @cooki3dough @naina326 @peptox @ladylupuscrow @confused-they @megasweetbones @1-800-crazy @lillian-morningstar @butterflycardigann

CW: Mention of past kidnapping, bar fight, blood, "death" and lab testing. Self-harm (Reader testing their ability). Gun shot and injury.

After you finally get Richard Grayson off your windowsill, you can sit down and eat

What makes him think that he can just walk into your life?! And with him being a vigilante, he most definitely could have saved you all that time ago! 

To clear your head, you try to remember what happened before you found yourself in your “brother’s” apartment. 

You and your friends wanted to go to a bar before college started…….a fight happened….How are your friends?! Did classes start already?! 

Opening your group chat with your friends, there are some messages about the bar fight, Red Hood, and how they’d visit you in the hospital

When making your message for the chat, you lie about being discharged from the hospital and ask if classes have already started

Your friends are so kind and update you on everything that has happened since you were in the hospital

The fall semester has begun but you should have an excuse because you were in the hospital

With some help, you were able to email all your professors about your absence and just hope they don’t drop you from the classes

Also hope they don’t ask for any documents from the hospital to confirm that you were there.

After a bit of rambling, you and your friends log off the group chat for the night. You never told them about what actually happened to you or what you found out about Nightwing, Red Hood, etc.

The information is difficult for you to process. Your whole family are famous vigilantes and no one came to save you when you were kidnapped. 

And Nightwing, he really was your first friend in Bludhaven and it always hurts to lose someone close

But he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve your attention and time when he abandoned you just like the rest of the family.

You would have been dead if it wasn't for this weird thing that keeps your heart beating!

Maybe it would be a good idea to test this “power” of yours. You’ve died twice now and it seems that it takes a couple of days to heal and regain consciousness

Just for a small test, you make a small cut on your finger and watch it heal right before your eyes. You were hesitant to do these tests at first but this is also fascinating

Another cut is but a little bigger and it takes a little longer to heal. 

This continues a few times before you can have an idea of how long it takes for your body to heal itself. 

Once you’re done, you decide to go to sleep again and wait until it’s morning

Back at the manor, Tim has been hard at work. Making multiple plans that will end with you coming back home

Some are more intense than others but it can't be helped if you decide to be difficult 

Tim has also spent a lot of time researching your “powers”

Back when Dick saved you from that thief, Tim took the knife with your blood on it for research

Some interesting findings can be helpful if all else fails

It’s around noon when you wake up and your professors responded to your emails

They say that you’re allowed to keep your classes but there is a lot of classwork to catch up on

After eating some lunch, you sit down and look over all the work you’ve got to do. That is a lot….

You spend all day struggling and planning how you’ll get help

The next day, you decide to go to class. You go a little early because you knew you’d likely be lost

Luck seems to be on your side because you’re able to find your classroom! 

Walking inside, you talk to the professor and they tell you about a project for pairs

Thankfully, you’ve already been assigned a pair so you won’t be alone. You do feel bad about not being here to help though 

The professor points you in the direction of your partner and you introduce yourself. The moment your pair looks at you, your mood immediately takes a 180

Why is Tim Drake in your class? Doesn’t he go to a college in Gotham or something?

You pretend to be polite until the professor walks away and you glare at your partner while he just smiles at you

When you sit next to Tim, you try to sit as far away from him but he just moves closer

Before you can argue with him, the professor starts talking about the assignment for the day

You try to do the assignment alone but immediately get lost and you reluctantly accept Tim’s offers to help

Tim’s explanations were quite helpful and you both finished quite quickly. The room is filled with chatter so you take this moment to interrogate your “brother”

He gives vague answers to your questions but is sure to mention that he didn't want to leave his “sibling” by themself

Before you can respond, Tim cuts you off by saying he has something for you

You watch him carefully as he shows you a familiar item

Your phone

You instinctively reach for it but Tim stops you by grabbing your wrist

Glaring at Tim and his smiling face, he says he’ll give your phone back if you’d go back to the manor for at least one night

Tim repositions his hand on your wrist to be your hands intertwined 

You try to remove your hand but Tim persists. It isn't until you decline his offer does he put your hand down

You’ve lived a couple of weeks now without your phone so there is no need for it. Plus, you plan to buy a new one later

Tim doesn’t mention the family for the rest of the class

When class is over, you immediately go to the library (Almost got lost) to finish more work 

You settle at an empty table near a window and take out your laptop. Of course, it doesn't take long for you to struggle with the assignment and begin feeling annoyed

(Un)Luckly, Tim has found you and offered to help

With his help, you’re able to complete a few assignments before you have another class to go to

Tim invites you to the manor again but you still decline him

You only have two classes today so you hope to get home as soon as possible before running into Tim again

This repeats for a couple of more days

Everyday, you always have Tim in one of your classes

Tim attempts to bribe you to go to the manor with him, with your phone, playing games together, some other stuff you didn’t pay attention to

At least he never bribed you with his help on your classwork. Even after you catch up on old assignments, there are just so many concepts to understand

It’s annoying but Tim has successfully squeezed himself into your life by constantly being around

Something seems to have changed though because you notice Tim has started to leave you alone more

You don’t know why but would rather not question it. He’s a vigilante, right? He probably has some work to defeat a villain or something, you can literally care less about what Tim does

One day, you’re with your friends to participate in an event on campus. There are supposed to be games and free food so why not

Before the event began, there was a speech from the sponsor of the event

The sponsor is a lab group of some kind, promoting the study of life and encouraging new findings. You don’t know what it is but something about them sends a shiver down your spine

When the speech ends, you and your friends play a few games when a person from the sponsor stopped by

You all talk a bit and answer some minor questions before the person goes to a different group of people

At the end of the event, your friends offer to drop you off at home but you decline. You don’t live that far away and you also have pepper spray to keep yourself safe

While walking a person blocks your path. It’s that same sponsor person from the event

They go into more detail about the lab group they’re in, researching life and all

You do your best to remain calm, not showing your disturbance by their sudden presence

That is until they point out how there was a bar fight in the area and a victim went missing

A victim that looks exactly like you, covered in bruises and cuts, bleeding so much that the hospital wouldn’t be able to save them

Yet here you are, in perfect condition

This is when they finally reveal their intentions, wanting to figure out how you escape death

Offering a place in the lab group as a researcher and totally not a test subject

You pretend to consider their offer while carefully taking your pepper spray out of your pocket

It seems the person planned for this because they quickly take out and shoot at your hand holding the pepper spray

Terrified, you immediately make a run for it

You’re filled with so much adrenaline that you can't hear the person shout and the other gunshots that nearly miss you 

Running through multiple alleyways, something suddenly grabs you and pulls you into an almost pitch-black area

Things move quickly as an arm wrap around your waist, a whirling sound is suddenly hear above you, your feet leave the ground, and now you’re on a rooftop

You almost collapse once this new random person releases you from their hold

No longer in a dark alley, you can finally see who this new person is

Red Robin 

He gives you some time to catch your breath and calm down, putting his grappling gun back on his utility belt

Once your heart rate slows to a normal pace, you’re quick to show your annoyance at seeing the vigilante

Red Robin just seems to smile at you, not showing how your words affect him in any way

When you finally give Red Robin a chance to speak, he goes straight to the point

He admits to leaking some information to that lab group, just wanting you to see how you can live on your own

Even if Red Robin didn’t tell the lab group about your ability, they would have found out eventually 

That’s what happened to your mother after all

The vigilante then gives you two options

You can go with the research team and be tested on for the rest of your life or you can have a life back at the manor

Hell, there is a chance that your family of vigilantes can find and save your mother. Allowing you to reunite

As long as you returned home

With your two options, you find yourself back at Dick’s apartment

Dick bandaging up your hand, Jason carrying a box with stuff from your apartment, and Tim contacting Bruce

[woso-dreamzzz]

Injured (Alba's Version) IV

Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader

Summary: The aftermath

*TW: parental neglect, aftermath of suicide*

It takes Alexia nearly a week until she realises you're missing.

You're self-sufficient and independent. You've never needed much and it's not weird for Alexia to not see you for days on end.

You come home from whatever you spend your days doing and go straight to your room.

You make your own meals, she's pretty sure because she never has to make extra. Just enough for a family of three. Two when Olga is away from work.

It's a fleeting thing really, the only way that she realises you've disappeared.

She knocks on your door, intent on finally having that conversation about what you're planning on doing with your future.

There's no answer.

"Now's not the time to sulk, y/n," She calls through the door," If you don't come out then I'm coming in!"

Still silence.

"One! Two!"

Alexia doesn't wait for three, shoving open the door.

She expects to see you on your bed, sulking or whatever it is you do when she's not around.

You're not there though.

Your bed is made. Your clothes are packed away.

There's nothing out of place. Nothing to prove that this room was even really yours apart from a few neat stacks of paper on your desk.

Alexa glances over them, frowning as if they'd give her the answer to where you've gone.

She's been home since last night, the first one up and awake in the house. There's no way you could have snuck past her.

"Jaume!" She yells out," Where's your sister?"

"I don't know! Out with friends or something?"

That's odd.

Alexia can't remember the last time you mentioned a friend to her. To be honest, Alexia can't remember the last time the two of you actually had a conversation.

She shuffles through the papers on your desk.

Yes, she thinks, you must be with friends because there's three tickets to a ballet performance on Saturday.

You must be wanting to take them with you.

It's only when Alexia sits up that night, waiting for you to come home, that she gets the sinking feeling you're not coming back.

She waits for hours until the early hours of the next morning and the sun begins to rise before panic lances through her chest.

You've not come home.

She checks her phone, wondering if she missed a text saying you would stay at a friend's house but there's nothing.

She checks your room, just to see if you've climbed in through the windows but they're locked.

You are nowhere.

She pulls Jaume out of school for the day. She calls Olga to come home from Madrid.

She scours all of the places she thinks you hang out but you're nowhere to be seen.

It's almost like you've never existed in the first place.

The call comes in the evening.

It's Alba.

"I can't talk right now," Alexia says after two missed calls," I'm-"

"I'm sorry," Alba says instead.

"What?"

"I'm sorry." Alba chokes her words out like they're so physically painful she can barely say them. Like she's so numb that even talking is difficult. "I tried but..."

"Alba? What's happened? Listen, I really can't talk right now. I'm-"

"I really did try. They did too but it was already too late."

"Alba, what is going on?"

"We should go to the hospital," Alba says," I'll send you which one."

In the deepest pit of her chest, Alexia already knows what has happened. In some deep, dark part of her, she's known since Alba called. In the worst, most hidden piece of herself, Alexia has known since the beginning.

It's an awful thing for an aunt to see.

It's a terrible thing for a brother to see.

It's even worse for a mother to see.

A picture goes up at the ballet company.

(Alexia didn't even know you joined one).

It's of you smiling, the headhsot that they used on the website, displayed proudly in the main foyer.

'Rest In Peace' sits under it and a little plaque with your name and how long you lived. It states your interests with no hint about trains at all. It talks about your reserved disposition but mentions how you endeared yourself to everyone.

Flowers sit under it, bouquets upon bouquets from the dancers and the staff and audience members who have seen you perform.

(Alexia has never been to a performance once).

Support pours in from people Alexia hasn't spoken to in years. Old coaches. Old teammates. Old friends.

Everyone seems to have a fond memory of you but all Alexia can think about is the last words she said to you.

She can't remember them.

She can't remember what she said or how she felt or what she was doing.

There is a gap in her memory from that moment.

Everyone talks about you so fondly, with such clarity that Alexia can't replicate.

You have gone on a wisp of breeze and Alexia is left trying to catch the impossible.

Her mind circles around herself, trying to work out where this all went wrong.

She loved you. She loved you so much.

Her beautiful baby girl who was a little nervous and a little quiet but beautiful all the same.

The little girl who loved trains and ballet and doing all the super feminine stuff that Alexia had to learn when she was a bit older.

The people around her tell stories of you, like Ingrid talking about how you used to love having her braid your hair back but Alexia sits there numb.

She's been numb since she saw your body in the hospital morgue.

She's been numb since the funeral where you lay in your coffin, perfectly peaceful like you were taking a long sleep.

She's been numb since they all returned to Eli's house for food and drink to celebrate your life.

Alba is not talking to her, has not talked to her outside what is needed since she called.

Alexia hasn't even noticed, too preoccupied with the realisation that she's a mother that just had to bury her daughter.

It was not a disease that took you. It was not a heart attack. It was not a random attack on the street.

It was you.

You made this decision, decided that this world was not worth living in anymore. That you could no longer cope with everything happening around you.

Things that Alexia has no knowledge on and, now, will never have any knowledge on.

You thought that this path was better than returning home.

You thought that everything would be better, more peaceful if you took your life away.

People have been cautious around Alexia, seeing just how close she is to tears.

She didn't cry during the funeral when you were lowered down into the ground with nothing but a neat blouse and a skirt.

Nothing to take with you now that you're gone.

Olga had to pack your things away in your room because Alexia could not force herself to even step through the doorway.

Your things are gone.

You are gone.

And Alexia will never know why.

[harmonictechnicality]

Eddie develops a strange habit after sex. It’s not exactly cute or romantic or nice. Nothing bad either. It’s just… well, Steve isn’t too sure what it is. But every time, it’s the same damn thing.

He collapses onto Steve’s chest and says:

“My boyfriend is a cyborg.”

Usually, Steve is still recovering from the fucking downpour of post-orgasm endorphins. So he doesn’t question it. Hell, he stopped challenging Eddie’s tolerance to geek out months ago. Dude holds fantasy knowledge in his brain better than he holds his liquor.

Which is saying a lot.

Anyways, Steve never has the mental capacity to react or respond. Instead, he runs his fingers through Eddie’s sweat-soaked hair for awhile. Scratches out little patterns on his scalp because it always makes Eddie go limp. Quiet.

Quiet is a rarity for him. And while Steve is totally weak for Eddie’s chattiness, the quiet can be nice too.

The only reason Steve finally decides to ask about it is because Eddie slips up. Says it before they have sex.

Steve is against the bedroom door, his nails dragging down Eddie’s back. God, he loves this kind of kissing. The lung draining kind. The type that’s sort of filthy from all the heat and grinding. 

Eddie hasn’t marked him up this bad since that time someone at work noticed his neck. Asked if Steve was having an allergic reaction during an office-wide meeting.

And this is going to be even worse. Steve can tell by the sounds and the soft pricks of Eddie’s teeth. He can tell by how long Eddie spends over each spot, like the bruising skin needs more attention than the rest of him. Like licking them over will make the colors last longer.

The damage has been done. Really no point in stopping him when it feels so fucking good. Steve forgets to worry about  how mauled he’s gonna look tomorrow because his head is swimming with Eddie’s lips on his neck. His collarbone. His chest.

That’s when it happens. That’s when Eddie’s strange habit makes an early appearance. 

He kisses over the blistery mess he made, practically growls the words out this time: 

“My boyfriend is a cyborg.”

“Okay, time out.” Steve says. Heaves some air back into his lungs. Pulls Eddie’s face up before he can continue making Steve look like goddamn target practice. 

Eddie blinks a few times. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Gonna have to wear fucking high-collared shirts all week, but whatever.

He’ll bring that up some other time. “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Saying what?”

“That… thing.” Steve barely can spit it out.  It’s like his throat is physically rejecting the nerdy shit he’s about to say. “You keep calling me… a cyborg or something.” 

“Oh that.” Eddie sighs. Casually shrugs to one side. “It’s your fault actually.”

“How is it my fault? I don’t even know what fucking language you’re speaking.”

Eddie walks over to the bed, chanting Steve’s name over and over. Definitely not in the way Steve prefers him to chant his name. Very un-sexy chanting.

“Remember that day you asked me to grab your car keys?” He asks, patting the bed for Steve to join him. 

No. “Kinda?”

Steve hesitates before walking over. He didn’t necessarily wanna stop their primal makeout session. But it was bound to lead to the bed at some point, so…

Just not like this. Not talking while fully clothed. Blech.

He sits next to Eddie. Hands awkwardly fidgeting in his lap.

“Well, I couldn’t find them.” Eddie admits. “So I ended up going through your desk drawers.”

Of course he did. Perpetual snooper.

“Ended up finding a binder full of medical records.”

Well shit.

Steve’s throat tightens. Swells around the sudden guilt he feels for keeping this from Eddie. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a metal plate in your head?”

“Dunno. Hardly even remember it.” That’s only partly true. Steve doesn’t remember the surgery or much of the recovery process. He was only a kid when it happened.

But he does remember the hospital smells. He remembers the sounds of his IV bag dripping throughout the night. All the sensory indicators are still fresh in his mind.

“Well, that’s why. You're part-machine.” Eddie points to Steve’s head, expression softening. “And every time we fuck around, I think about your bionic skull. And how glad I am that it keeps your brain from leaking out when I bend you over the way you like it best.”

Steve laughs. The jokes help lighten the mood. Not enough to replace it entirely, but enough for it to be easy to swallow again. 

They’re both quiet as they get ready for bed, folding the covers down. And yeah, sometimes quiet can be nice. Just maybe not right now.

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

Steve stares hard at the pillows. “Are cyborgs like… cool?”

Eddie pauses for a moment, then hops onto the bed. Starts crawling over to Steve with a smug grin. He lifts up to meet Steve’s lips. Kisses him sweeter than normal. Lighter. Starts nodding his head mid-kiss, keeps nodding as he breaks away.

“Yeah, babe. Cyborgs are so fucking cool.”

[harksness]

Coffee Cake

A/N: ok i don't know a ton about whats going on in the show ive mostly just watched the trailers but i did hear rio is apparently gonna be agathas ex? so that's kinda what i based this around lol if i'm missing any other info thats why tho,, i dont really care for spoilers i just havent been seeking them out yk so i hope this is good!!! im nervous i missed something important but i hope yall like it aidhsjdj :')

the request!

Warnings: None I think?

WC: 3.7K

Agatha Harkness is a greedy, selfish woman who will do anything for power. You know this much about her is true. 

It’s what made you so cautious of her at first. So reluctant to agree to join her and her little band of misfit mages when she sought you out in your dingy little magic shop.

She approached you with a sly grin and praise, telling you that she could see the potential in you. How strong your magic could be and how she can help you harness it.. If you let her.

Everyone that’s remotely aware of the magical world knows about the cruel and crazy Agatha Harkness. But for you, she’s never just been a story to be gossiped about. She’s been a semi-regular customer since you inherited the shop. She’s stopped by for your services once every few months, except for that long gap recently where she was trapped, since you’re able to provide supplies and books for spells that aren’t so easily attainable.

You know she was also an avid customer of your fathers, but he wouldn’t let you around if he knew someone dangerous would be dropping by. So it wasn’t until your father passed away five years ago and you inherited the shop that you really met Agatha. Ever since, she’s been a cautious acquaintance. Someone vaguely on your radar.

You didn’t even consider the possibility of you being on her radar too.

After dwelling on her offer for a few days, reluctantly, you agreed to it. And even more reluctantly, you allowed them all to meet up in the basement of your little magic shop once in a while.

But you remained wary of the older witch. She followed up on her promise to help you grow your knowledge of magic and expand your abilities. But as the two of you spent more time together, you began to warm up to her and she started opening up to you. Her smooth sense of humor and jokes didn’t all seem like a ploy to get you to let your guard down anymore.. You could tell by her soft smiles that weren’t there before that she just enjoyed making you laugh.

And after some time, Agatha started to show a genuine curiosity in you outside of magic. Your life, interests, family, and she even went out of her way to compliment you. She had never done that before. She was putting a lot of effort into really helping you grow, and you were becoming rather grateful for her. 

Your father always pushed the importance of knowing how to supply witches properly. Knowing everything you could possibly know about herbs, potions, crystals, tarot, spells and how to attain them, but not much practice or knowledge in the way of making it all work effortlessly together by yourself. Or even much in the ways of wielding your own magic, for that matter. You’ve always wanted to know more, but your father was adamant against it. So you just settled until now.

You would have late nights spent alone amongst the dust and boxes in the basement of your shop, her hands running over yours to adjust the way you wield your magic during different spells. How close the two of you would get under the bright, fluorescent lights hanging over your head.. And how inevitably, you’d long forget about the lessons and would favor sitting and chatting about anything and everything into the early hours of the morning, perched on an uncomfortable fold out chair that makes your ass hurt but every second was worth it to be with her.

Agatha Harkness is all of those horrible things that you mentioned before. But she’s also so genuinely funny and effortlessly charming, intensely passionate and caring despite those flaws.

You were warming up to her more than you realized. You would frantically practice magic in your time apart, desperate to impress her and earn her praise. Laughing just a bit louder at her jokes and wearing your hair the way she complimented. Picking out more clothes like the ones she said look lovely on you..

You weren’t simply warming up to her. The obvious soon smacked you in the face that you were tumbling down a rabbit hole of romantic feelings for the woman. The realization came in the simplest of ways, Agatha brought you coffee from your favorite cafe down the road that you pass every day on your way to work. She remembered your favorite order and your favorite treat, a proud little smile on her face as she handed you the food. And everything about your developing feelings smacked into you like a semi truck.

Panic coursed through you. You didn’t know what to do, you couldn’t hide these feelings forever. It would become obvious eventually with the amount of time you were spending together and gosh, what then? How would you deal with the suffocating embarrassment of being turned down by her?

She’s the Agatha Harkness. One of the most infamous and influential witches in history, hundreds of years old and a historic icon.. She would never want someone like you. She’s important. She commands powerful, intense magic, goes on great adventures. Her daily life is what great legends and myths are composed of. Agatha’s leaving her mark on the world.

While you’re just here in your rundown store.. Taking orders at your shop, helping people select which crystals they need and counting your register.

You’re lucky enough to play a part in her story, even if it’s just a small one. Even if it’s just supplying her with what she needs and supporting her. Hopefully, when the legend of Agatha Harkness is told for years to come, your name can be mentioned in a brief line.

As if all of those self deprecating, existential feelings weren’t bad enough, Rio soon waltzed into your little group and things were made even more complicated.

It was impossible not to notice the tension between Agatha and Rio. the way their gazes lingered on each other.. Words exchanged that seemed flirty but you couldn’t really tell if that was the case or if you were just jealous, the constant sneaking off together and being found passionately exchanging soft words. And you just felt shoved to the side, pushed out.

No more did you and Agatha have long nights spent in the basement of your shop. You’d slink away from the group the second you got the chance and gave up trying to get Agatha’s attention. Or when you had to stick around, you’d cling to Billy or the lovely Mrs. Hart. The few moments you were able to finally get to Agatha, Rio would always conveniently swoop in and steal her attention away, so you didn’t even bother after long. You felt defeated.

But once in a while, you’d catch her bright blue eyes catching on you. Gaze lingering, features creased with conflict. Once in a while, it seemed as if Agatha was trying to work her way over to you and Rio would conveniently step in the way. Or maybe you’re just being too hopeful.

Already having felt unworthy of Agatha’s attention, you quickly accepted your fate. Rio is so much more powerful and worth Agatha’s time, it makes sense why she’d ditch you for her. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that it feels like a knife was planted in your gut, and it twists every time you see the two of them lingering together.

Eventually, you were so overwhelmed that you just needed a break. So you locked yourself in your little apartment and slept in as late as you could, just wanting to ignore your complicated feelings and problems for one day.

But then you made the mistake of deciding that a little treat would be the best way to give yourself some comfort. So, you exited your little apartment a bit after eleven in the morning, desperately craving your favorite coffee and regular breakfast treat.

Walking back home, you were happily sipping on your coffee but disappointed that your favorite breakfast was all out by the time you got there. So instead you grabbed a coffee cake, happy with it but some of your excitement was stomped out at the fact that it’s not what you were craving, but it will do. You have to eat something.

Your steps come to a sudden halt when you see Agatha a few buildings ahead of you, and you notice she’s at your apartment door. Peeking in your window and taking a step back to do her best to look into the windows of your home situated above the little store. 

You’re so surprised that you’re not able to act quickly enough to avoid her eyes inevitably falling onto you when she turns her head. The street is vacant of any other people, presumably all at their regular nine to fives instead of in the back streets of the city with little stores that aren’t needed much at this time of day.

Her stressed features relax when she sees you, and she’s immediately moving down the sidewalk towards you. The wind catches her long braid and the end of her open black coat, and she’s wearing a white button up and skinny jeans underneath. She bobs with the intensity of each step she takes towards you, and you notice a coffee and a little brown bag pinched between her fingers.

Well. Deciding that there’s no avoiding it, you begin to nervously walk towards her, eventually meeting her almost halfway.

“Where have you been!?”

Agatha exclaims, almost a shout but not quite. It takes you a bit off guard, her features stern with worry and frustration.

“I just decided to stay home today, I needed a day off..”

You speak softly, feeling yourself growing anxious under her gaze. You glance around nervously, unable to decide whether to settle your eyes on the cracked pavement beneath your feet, the large “for sale” sign hanging from a window of an abandoned store across the road, or the trash can sitting outside of the little sandwich shop to your left that closes too early in the day.

“I feel like I haven’t seen much of you lately, I’ve been worried..”

Agatha’s voice drops into something softer when she says that. Your chest tightens at her words, concern heavy in her stunning blue eyes as she regards you for a moment, silence overtaking the two of you. You want to grab her and shake her and yell at her because it’s her fault you haven’t seen each other much, but from the tenderness in her voice and her eyes you don’t have the heart to be angry right now.

“Let’s go up to my apartment and we can talk.”

You gesture back to the door she was just standing outside of. Agatha glances behind her before nodding her head, silence overtaking the two of you as you walk back towards your home. You walk by the barber shop that’s already closed for the day, it’s run by the sweetest little old man that doesn’t have much energy for it anymore, and find your front door.

You fumble with the lock for a moment before it opens and you begin leading her up the narrow, lopsided stairs of the old apartment building. She closes and locks the door behind her as she does so, and once you reach the top of the stairs, you unlock the second door and hold it open for her as she steps into your little old one bedroom apartment.

It’s nice and cheap enough to keep you happy and living comfortably. It has a sizable living room and kitchen, a big bedroom and a bathroom with a washer and dryer crammed into it. There’s no dishwasher, but air conditioning and more than enough space for you and all of your stuff so you absolutely can’t complain. Luckily enough, you do know enough magic to make doing the dishes a lot less of a task.

And with the barber shop below you being closed most of your time home, anyways, you don’t have to worry much about being disturbed or disturbing any neighbors. It’s quiet, cute, and it has everything you need. It’s decorated with everything you love, it feels so homey and comfortable and.. You.

Agatha seems to notice that right away, all of your negative feelings momentarily being forgotten and a warmth spreading throughout your chest as a soft smile spreads on her face at the sight of your little home.

She’s looking around as she sets her bag on your dining room chair, abandoning her food from the cafe on your table before she starts to look around. She looks over all the pictures on your fridge, and you can tell she’s really stopping to take them in as her smiles shift with each photo she looks over and she lets out little laughs through her nose at some of them.

Agatha looks over all of your little decor strewn about, and any pictures you have hung up on the walls as she takes a step into your living room.

“Your place is so.. You. I love it.”

She speaks softly as she approaches the little table under the window that’s overflowing with your own collection of herbs. She leans down, peering at them and smiling at the little trinkets and crystals that you have planted in the soil of the pots.

You feel your face beginning to flush red at that, everything feeling so sweet and intimate suddenly. You fidget with your coffee as she turns around and continues to poke around your apartment, a look of pure adoration on her features.

“Uh.. Why did you say you were worried about me earlier?”

You speak up suddenly, the words tumbling out of your lips as you hope to distract her from looking around further right now. This moment is too sweet, you need to put a stop to it before you have to spend the rest of your life longingly reflecting on it.

Her gaze flickers towards you. Agatha straightens up, clearing her throat as she moves to sit on your couch, perching gracefully on the edge of her seat.

“I feel like we haven’t seen as much of each other lately... I’m just.. Worried.”

You feel yourself getting gassed up at her words. She’s been pushing you out, spending quality time with Rio and she has the audacity to say that? A deep sigh escapes your lips as you set down your cup of coffee a little more firmly than you would have liked.

“Agatha.. We used to be close. I thought we’d build a really strong…”

You pause awkwardly, a frustrated huff of breath pushing past your closed lips as you try to think of the right word to explain the relationship between the two of you. Agatha quirks an eyebrow curiously at the action.

“...Bond.. But then Rio waltzes in and I’m just forgotten about. You’ve barely talked to me, that’s why you haven’t seen much of me lately. You’ve just been too busy sneaking off and flirting with your green witch."

Your eyes narrow, anger seeping into your words as you spit them at her, folding your arms over your chest and huffing angrily. Agatha stares at you for a moment.

“I like you, Agatha! Fuck! I thought we had something!”

She seems surprised when you shout those words out, silence deafening around your angry words as you gesture between the two of you, doing your best to emphasize what you’re trying to say. Your frustration is boiling over, not caring anymore about the embarrassment of your feelings getting out when she’s being so damn oblivious about how she’s treated you.

“But it’s like you’ve just forgotten all about me.”

Those words are soft and quiet, contrasting your previous ones. A smile quickly breaks out on Agatha’s face, her head tilting back as she laughs, her obnoxiously witchy cackle escaping her lips. You feel your face flush, lips pursing in anger as her laughter crescendos.

“Okay, if my feelings are so funny you can just get out!”

You’re shouting over her laughter now, anger bubbling forward as she immediately stands, smile still on her face as she crosses your apartment over to you.

“Sweetheart, I’m laughing because Rio is my ex. There’s no way in hell I’d ever get back with her. We’ve got a long, complicated history, and I’ve been trying to smooth some things out and figure out the best way to explain everything to you. I felt.. Awkward that my ex barged in on everything.. And I didn’t know what to do.”

Agatha gestures around vaguely as she explains. You feel dumbstruck, your mind numb at the information that was just dumped onto you.

“Especially when I do like you so much… Your ex barging in on everything like that can be a bit of a romance killer..”

You blink dumbly at her, shocked at her first admission of having any sort of romantic feelings for you. She sighs as she begins to walk around the table, analyzing your features for any signs of discomfort as she speaks.

“I like you. A lot. I think you’re such a pretty, sweet little thing that swooped in so unexpectedly and stole my heart in a way I’ve never experienced before..”

You feel your anger and frustration ebbing away at her words, instead your chest fills with excitement. She approaches you, cautiously reaching for your hands. You let her take them, her long, soft fingers wrapping around yours as she tilts her head downwards slightly to meet your gaze, soft smile toying on the edge of her lips.

“I haven’t had my eyes set on anyone but you for a long time. And I’m..”

You can’t help the little smile that forces its way onto your lips as she stumbles through her apology. You think how hard she’s trying is cute, especially with how sincerely she’s trying to make things right for you.

“I’m really sorry about how I dealt with everything.”

The words eventually tumble past her lips, and you squeeze her hands softly as you tilt your head up towards her.

“Thank you.. And yeah, knowing she’s your ex.. That’s pretty awkward. You don’t have to explain everything to me right away, what you’ve said is more than enough.. But.. You’re sure, I mean, about me?”

You ask nervously and she looks confused at your words.

“I mean.. I’m not something great, amazing or infamous like you are. Or Rio.. I’m just some girl who runs a store.”

You simply shrug and she stares at you dumbly for a moment before letting out a noise of disbelief.

“Sweetheart, you’re so much more than that. You have to be extraordinary to catch my eye. Trust me.. You’re something special.”

She speaks the last part softly, the most sincere and adoring gleam lighting up her already bright eyes.

“I don’t want her.”

Agatha gestures vaguely, and you know she’s talking about Rio, and you're appreciative that she’s trying to focus more on this moment being about you.

“I don’t want anyone else.. I just want you. Only you.. And I have for a while now.”

She’s smiling down at you, a soft, fond tone lining her voice that’s going to make you turn to mush any second now. You feel as if your heart is going to burst right out of its chest.

After a pause, you can’t help but lean forward and press your lips against hers, a surge of bravery washing over you at her words. You feel her smiling against your lips as she returns the kiss, her soft mouth moving against yours sweetly as she lets go of one of your hands, raising it to cup your jaw.

Your skin feels electric under her touch, and you crave more of it. Your mouth widens into a big smile, leaning further into her as your head grows fuzzy at her attention, desperately craving more of her.

Her other hand trails up your arm to hold your shoulder, digging her fingers into your skin as she holds you softly, pulling you closer to her. You’re grinning like an idiot against her lips, raising your arms to wrap around the back of her neck to pull her even closer.

She pulls away for a moment to laugh softly against your lips, the two of your eyes meeting for a moment as you smile softly at one another. Her eyes crinkle around the edges in the cutest way. Overwhelming excitement washes over you, the room tense with the giddy-ness of new love and the sweet moment. You lean in to kiss her again, but she speaks before your lips can connect with hers.

“I grabbed your favorite coffee and your favorite treat for you.. But I see you already went out and got some..”

Agatha sounds a bit disappointed that she couldn’t surprise you. But your smile widens at her words, a soft laugh escaping your lips.

“Well.. They were all out of my usual food when I got there, so if you really were able to snatch up my favorite treat I just might have to thank you.”

You wink suggestively at her, and a look of excitement crosses her features.

“Oh? And how would you do that?”

She speaks lowly, teasingly as she leans down towards you. 

“It’s your prize, I think you need to tell me what you’d want from me, hm?”

You fight the urge to giggle at the excited grin that grows on her features. Leaning down, her eyes catch on your lips before she softly brushes her nose against yours. The sweetness of the action leaves your mind spinning, dizzy off of the romantic that is Agatha Harkness.

“How about one of these, for starters..”

She’s pressing her lips against yours again. Eagerly, you meet her, pushing your lips into hers. Your arms tighten around her neck, her hands moving downwards to wrap around your waist and you feel like a lovestruck teenager at how your insides turn to mush at the action. Deciding to tease her just a bit, you pull back, just slightly enough to where you can feel the heat of her warm breath brushing against your lips.

“Do you like coffee cake?”

[victoria-grimesss]

tear you apart - part IV

Shiny new Masterlist

->Pairing: König x fem!reader

->Words: 4.7k

->Warning: MDNI!, fluff, König spilling his heart out to his favorite girl, roadhead, car sex, outdoor oral, face sitting, overstimulation, pretty much porn with plot at this point. 

->A/N: A bit different that the other chapter but I wanted to do something a little sweeter.

Your dreams are luxurious and delicious these nights, a whirlwind of experiences ever since you transferred to the new base. You dream of luxuries far beyond your reach with a man who sure as hell should be out of your reach too. You dine on five star meals on the beach, sip champagne in a clawfoot tub overlooking waterfalls, have ravenous passionate love making sessions in silk sheets. 

König has rewired your brain and embedded himself within you.

You awake in his bed again as has been the same routine for a few weeks now, you’ve moved a stash of your stuff to his room at his request of course. You don't see each other too often during the day so night and early mornings are the times where you catch up and enjoy eachothers company.

Spending a few spare moments to soak in the smell of the sheets you roll out of bed and notice a flower in a tall glass of water sitting beside a note. 

Chicken scratch, yep written by König alright. You smile as you envision him scrawling it quickly before leaving for the day.

My love,

Clear your schedule this afternoon, I plan to take you somewhere very special.

-König, your one and only. (boyfriend)     :)

Boyfriend. 

Huh I guess that's really what the two of you are now. You both danced around the word for a while now. You suppose you were a couple in the grand view of it, slept in the same bed, ate dinner together, got ready for bed together, said goodmorning and goodnight to each other. You could get used to this. Off base dates are far and few too, sometimes you'll take walks around base, the views are amazing nearby and it makes you yearn for your own country-side cottage with a garden.

You ready yourself and go about your day, you’ve flowed into a nice routine as of late. Get up, sometimes with König, eat in the mess hall, workout, training, dinner with König sometimes, and usually not get a lot of sleep together because he's too busy having your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

You can’t complain.

The mess hall is loud and crawling with activity this morning, you enjoy it more than you thought you would. The activity is a welcome distraction from homesickness. You eat in silence, sitting with a few others you’ve somewhat befriended. Bennet hasn't been around lately, thinking of if now you can’t remember the last time you did see him.

You clear your throat,

“Have any of you seen Bennet around?”

One of the other guys laughed.

“Yea I saw him alright. Saw him on his way out. Guy got so scared of the colonel he transferred back to his home base. Guess the two of them clashed over something. But if you ask me, I just don't think the guy was cut out for this line of work.”

“Yeah, that's weird. Strange.” 

You continue eating, your question answered to your requirements. 

König is intimidating, sure he’s nice to you but you can’t imagine being an outsider, being on his bad side, or god forbid being his enemy. The stories you’ve heard about the things he’s done on the battlefield could make anyone uneasy. 

Breakfast finishes up and you head to the gym where you’re thankfully uninterrupted during your workout. Cleaning up you hit your next stop, the shooting range. It’s mostly empty, the weather is nice today so many people are using the outdoor range. 

You take your pistol, silencer equipped and a long range sniper down to the last stall and prep your gear.

You use the sniper first and take deep breaths before firing. 

The door opens and you assume it’s just someone else using the stalls until a voice makes you jump.

“Hold it higher liebling.” 

Your hand grips your heart, putting the gun down you turn fully around, being met with König standing tall with his hands behind his back.

“König, ever heard not to sneak up on someone with a gun?” You lean against the counter.

“Am I mistaken or is that your forte in the field? I’m simply a superior observing my team members, wouldn't want you using the tools the wrong way right?”

He's so quick with his quips, you smile then turn around bringing the gun up leaning your cheek on the side as to see through the scope.

You feel his hands on your hips and he kicks your feet further apart, you look down at his feet that are standing on the outside of yours. 

He brings his head down right next to your ear,

“Hold it back harshly into your shoulder, so the kickback won’t knock you down.”

“You’re making it hard to focus.” 

“I would assume you would be able to focus even with distractions yea? But I suppose our time in bed has proven otherwise.”

You blush but regain your composure quickly until one of his hands stays on your hips and the other brushes your cheek to move your hair slightly.

You shoot once, then twice, hitting the target both times.

His voice has gotten even lower, whisper dancing the line of soundwaves.

“You read my note yea?”

“I did, plan to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope.”

He kisses the shell of your ear then your cheek through his mask. 

“I will see you later then, you’ll meet me in the lower garage at 1500 alright?”

“Oooh, meeting my big strong colonel in a dark garage, I certainly hope he doesn't take advantage of me.” You laugh and bat your lashes at him.

He squeezes your hip and scoffs playfully, 

“Keep talking to me this way and we certainly won’t even make it to the car. Busy yourself and meet me there, don't be late.”

He releases his grasp and you miss it already.

“Shall I pack a bag?” You ask.

“Don't bother, I’ve got everything handled. 

“Yes sir.” 

He steps away from you, walking to the door ignoring all others in the range and you watch him until the door closes. 

Taking a steadying breath you focus once more unto the range, feeling his phantom touch still.

—

You stop by your room before going to the garage, the lights flicker as you shut your door and you grow more and more excited for the evening to come. 

Opting for a simple two piece set underneath plain jeans, boots, a simple black shirt. 

The walk to the garage is straightforward, taking a dimly lit stairwell downwards and the garage smells of dust and you take it the electrical in this place could use an upgrade. Probably not high on the budget list.

There are rows of military vehicles and equipment, storage and the likes. An area sectioned off from the others hold what looks like personal vehicles, some nice and some looking decrepit. 

A door slams in that area and you make your way over,

“König? That you?” 

“Y/N, yes it is me! Just finishing up, go ahead and get in the doors unlocked.”

He drives a larger SUV, like the kind you see FBI agents driving, suiting you guess you never really pictured what car he drove but you can assume he drives whatever kind of car he can fit in so style types are probably very restricted.

You enter the car, the inside smelling like leather and the cologne he wears. It’s clean, damn near pristine the same as his room. The trunk closes and he gets in, his seat all the way back, he adjusts  and looks over to you, his eyes bright and he's buzzing with excitement. 

“Comfortable?” He smiles softly at you, he's wearing a black tactical long sleeve shirt, dark jeans, boots, and his usual hood of course. He looks good in black.

“Very. Can I ask where we're going yet?”

“Nope, just sit back and relax schatz.” 

He starts the car and pulls out of the garage, informing the guard of his time away.

The tall gray walls of the base and large fences you know melt away into a wonderful countryside with creeks, tall trees, and rounding hills. König has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your knee, his thumb rubbing small patterns.

“This is nice.” You breathe a sigh of relief, adjusting in your seat and König’s hand on your knee slips higher. 

König looks relaxed, he deserves this. Always working so hard… he should definitely relax.

Your hand wanders from the center console to his arm, rubbing the tight muscles underneath his hoodie. He squeezes the inside of your thigh in thanks.

Trailing your hand down his arm to the outside of his thigh, holding your hand there and tipping your head to look over at him.

He laughs breathily, “What are you doing, liebling?” His eyes shift from the road, your hand, and your face. 

“I just want to show you how much I appreciate you, König.” He shutters hearing his name from your lips and your hand moves to the now hardening bulge in his pants, he readjusts his hips to get more comfortable.

“Scheiße, you’re going to get us killed, sit back down I’m serious.”

He’s not serious, there is not even one percent of serious inflection in his tone, he speaks with need, his mouth already being filled with cotton at your movements.

You’ve leaned over the center console, face next to his ear as you unbutton his pants and palm him through his briefs, he’s solid where he sits and your mouth is already watering.

He shutters and his eyes flutter for a second,

“Eyes ahead baby, I can’t do anything if you don’t keep us steady ok?”

He does not answer, the blood isn't in his head anymore anyway, well not the one on his shoulders at least.

The trees race by the window as fast as your thoughts race in your head, you lean down and kiss him over the cloth, you feel his abdomen grow tense.

“I can stop if you really want-”

“Stop right now and I'll turn the car around.” 

You grin, mumbling a yes sir before moving your hand under the band of his briefs and giving a kiss to the tip. He takes a steady, concentrated, painful breath in and the exhale is so shaky you feel him tremble.

You give small licks from top to bottom, he’s a big guy so there’s certainly more to love. 

“Scheiße, ficken, Liebling ja” 

You take him fully in your mouth and he's warm, and fits right in place. You hum and he moans in response, you don’t think you’ll ever tire of hearing him like that. You take what doesn't fit in your mouth within the grasp of your hand starting at a steady pace. The music playing in the car isn't even registering in your head, the heavy weight in your hand and mouth is all you focus on.

“Fuck my love, your mouth feels-feels spectacular, I do not deserve what you give me.” 

He groans and bucks his hips up into your mouth, one hand on the wheel and the other gently being placed onto your neck, moving to the back of your head where he gently caresses your hair.

You’re working on him until he begins to shudder and you pull away, he tries to chase you with your hips but you lean back and kiss him on his cheek. His eyes are dark and he glances from you and the road.

“You’re going to kill me, Mein Liebling. He's panting, hand now gripping your hair tighter, you’re far from dry down under and touch his hand that's in your hair and move it down your front and under your pantline. You both moan when his fingers make contact with your wetness, he draws uncoordinated shapes into you, from your clit all the way to your entrance. He presses your entrance through your panties and it’s like he’s knocking on a door asking for permission to grant you the pleasure you oh so want, no need.

“König, please. I need you, I know you need me too.”

You whine, looking down at where his cock sits exposed, leaking heavily with every swipe of his fingers on you.

“My love. liebling.” 

He grits through his teeth when you take his hand once more and more your panties to the side allowing him unrestricted access to where the flames burn the brightest.

“Scheiße, du gewinnst” He pulls the car over, sitting on the dirt shoulder of the road, heavy tree cover surrounding you and you hear his heavy breathing.

He puts the car in park, removing his seatbelt and since the seat was already set all the way back due to his size he leans back and pats his lap.

“Come take what you want.” 

Eyes dark and hungry he watches you remove your pants and move over the center console onto his lap, his cock sitting right in front of you so it brushes against your stomach, you get a visual of just how deep he will slip into you. 

You’re shaking with anticipation when you grasp him again, pumping a few times before raising yourself to tease the tip over your panties.

His eyes are focused on where you touch him, his hands on your hips gently, awaiting your move.

“Get on with it..” 

His voice is dark and shadowy, his patience growing thin as you tease and tease him again, he’s a patient man but only for so long.

You play with him until you hear him growl deep in his chest, taking your panties in his grasp and you hear them rip.

“König! You seem to have an affinity for destroying each pair of panties I own.” 

You try to quip back but your voice is so breathily and weak it holds no volume. 

“I’d rather you not wear them at all, when we have a place of our own you won’t.”

You both moan when he pushes your hips down harshly, he sits fully inside you and you feel euphoric, one because he fills you so deliciously it has your mouth watering again and two he mentioned the two of you having a place of your own. Perhaps it’s him being so drunk on lust he says things he does not mean but your head is already slipping on all sane thoughts so you file that away for later.

His head tips back when he’s fully sheathed within you savoring the warmth and wetness you provide. 

“König, fuck. You’re so big.” You whine on top of him and his eyes regain their focus on you, he’s already too sensitive from your mouth earlier you might actually kill him with how tightly you’re wrapped around him.

His grip on your hips is bruising as usual and you have no qualms with it, feeling his grip reminds you this is all real and you need to ground yourself as you begin to move up and down on him the noises amplified in the car.

“Yes, just like that darling, fuck! You’re so, so good, so tight.” 

You start to move faster, spurred on by his praises your breathing grows faster as does his. Your hands try to gain purchase on the wheel behind you as you gain more speed, knocking the horn you breathily laugh and he grabs your hands and puts them on his shoulders. You grip your nails into him and he growls, now thrusting up into you he meets you halfway and you’re moaning his name so loudly now your throat hurts. 

The windows are fogged and you’re sweaty, hair sticking to your forehead.

He moves one hand from your hip to play with your clit, moving smooth and quick circles into you and you bow inwards your hand slapping onto the cold window, leaving a handprint on the fog it slips down and you wrap both arms around his neck your legs growing shaky and weak from your approaching high.

“König, don’t stop don-don’t stop please please.” You’re whining, squirming, and writhing in his lap an utter and complete mess and he drinks you in. Your pleasure makes his throb and balls tighten as he continues rubbing your clit and thrusting up into you.

“I can feel you getting close, you want to cum yea?” 

He’s panting and sounds just as destroyed as you are.

“Yes, I can’t hold on much longer. I want it so bad.” You whine and he stops altogether.

You cry, hitting his chest and trying to move but he holds your hip still.

“König plea-.”

“Beg.”

“What?” 

“You want to cum? Beg.” He’s not joking, he’s all serious and you whine again before spewing the filthiest words that’s ever come from your mouth, begging and praising him like a God to be worshiped. 

“Please König, god please I can’t, I need it. You’re so big, I need you to make me cum, fuck.”

“Good girl, always listening and doing what I say, I think you deserve a reward.” 

Before you can say anything he begins his thrusting and rubbing ten-fold and you once again hold onto him like your life depends on it as you cum harder than ever before, your vision is spotty and he’s praising you through it. He follows you through the high seating you firmly on his lap, holding himself as deep and he can reach and flooding you thoroughly. 

You both sit together for a good while, panting growing into soft breaths and you pull away from his chest and look at him, smile on your face.

“You think you can make it the rest of the way now? Are you satisfied?” 

He cups both of your cheeks, kissing your nose through his mask.

“I think I'll be ok for a little bit. Maybe.” 

You move off of him, both of your least favorite part is when he has to leave your warmth, but he’s never gone for long. 

You put on your pants, no panties due to König but you would assume he packed you some more, although his previous words would assume he rather you never wear any.

“Ready?” He’s buckled his pants again and you can’t help but notice the sizable mess you made on his lap, the bottom of his shirt and top of his pants wet.

“König, made a bit of a mess on you, sorry.” You grow shy.

“I like it, it challenges me to make you cum harder the next time.” 

Oh God.

He turns back onto the road and you continue your trip down the road, you roll your window down, still warm from your session and the cool mountain air fills your lungs and you rest a hand out of the window. 

—

“Liebling, we’re here.”

“Huh.”

You shoot up in your seat, König standing on your right side, the passenger door open his hand gently on your shoulder as he shakes you awake.

“You passed out, I clearly tired you out.”

“Shut up, you’re full of yourself.”

He laughs, offering his hand to help you out, you take it and observe the scenery around you. It’s late afternoon now and you’re parked in the driveway of a small countryside home, it’s dark inside so you can assume you’re not staying with anyone. There’s a large field surrounding the home. Trees lining the meadow and plants that held out over the cold weather stand strong and the evening sun is even a bit warmer than it had been recently. 

“König this is beautiful, is this your place?”

“Yea, just somewhere small when I need to get away. Don’t come here often, don’t have many reasons to visit. But I wanted to share this with you.” 

He's unpacking the car, grabbing both of your bags. 

“Do you need help?”

He laughs.

“No, I do not need help.” 

The car is locked and you follow him up the path to the house, clovers dot the front path and a flower box on the window is untouched, dry soil packing the inside.

He opens the door and the ceilings are high, but it’s still cozy, lived in even if he says he doesnt come here often. Shoes are discarded at the door and you hang your jacket on the coat rack.

“This is beautiful König, didn't take you for an interior designer.”

He sets the bags down near the front door and you take in the room.

“I actually had my mother decorate it, I don’t have much of a sense for style like she does.”

“Do you see her often? Your mom.”

“Holidays, I try to call her often but when it’s busy it’s harder. She understands.”

“Well I’m sure she’s very proud to have such an accomplished son.”

He smiles, head tipping down, “I hope so.”

He claps his hands, ending the heartfelt moment.

“You look around, make yourself at home. I will start a fire and later we will go watch the sunset ok?”

“Very well.” 

Your heart is giddy and light. He’s so kind and nice and handsome and sweet and a million other words to describe him. The house is more spacious inside than it appears outside, a large archway leads to the kitchen, one bedroom and a nice bathroom. Everything is high up, the shower head is fit just for him, cabinets stacked high, large bed which looks enticingly comfortable.

“König!” You call for him as you look around.

“Yes, mein Liebling.”

“How long are we staying here?”

“Just for the night my love, couldn't get much time away approved.”

“Oh, ok. Will we come back here eventually?”

“If you wish to do so then we will.” 

You observe the view out of the window and König wraps his arms around your waist.

“Scared me.” You laugh, your hands tracing along his hands and up his arms.

“My apologies, shall we head outside to enjoy the view?” He kisses the top of your head and you melt once more.

“Lead the way.”

He brings a thick blanket with him outside and lays it down in the meadow, you lay with your head on his chest, his arm wrapped securely around you, watching the multitude of colors paint the sky as the sun descends another day, bringing a sweeping array of stars and cool breezes. 

“Thank you König. You’ve been so kind to me and bringing me here means a lot.”

“All that is mine is yours, if you’d allow me I’d like to show my appreciation again.”

You shiver in his grasp and he holds you tighter.

“Yes.”

That's all he needed to hear before he lifts up his mask and takes your lips in his, he trails his lips down to your neck and leaves new bright bruises and snakes a hand up your shirt to play with your breasts, nipples hard from the combination of the cold and his touch. 

“Pants off.” He tugs at your waistband and you comply, the cool air hitting your core.

His hand moves down and caresses your body thoroughly, missing no spot.

“Sit on my face Schatz.”

You pause and look at him.

“I don’t want to suffocate you.” 

He actually laughs now, a full laugh.

“I will die a happy man.” You push him back, he’s gleeful and you laugh as well.

“No really darling, you will not ‘suffocate me’ get up here.” He uses heavy quotation marks around his words and you carefully make your way up to his face, knees placed on each side of his head.

He lifts his mask right to above the peak of his nose and he licks his lips eagerly, eyes only focused on where you sit above him.

“Take your shirt off too.” He strokes your thighs slowly leaving goosebumps in his path.

“What if someone sees?!”

“No one is coming out here trust me. I wouldn't have you expose yourself if somewhere were to see what’s all mine right?” He bites his lip as you discard you shirt and bra

Completely exposed outside as you sit above a man you care about fills you with a fire once more.

“It is like I have died and gone to heaven, you are breathtaking.” He kisses the inside of your thighs as he talks, leaving small bites.

He truly feels he's undeserving. The setting sun casts a glow on your back where it illuminates your outline in soft light, it casts on the dips and curves of your body, the swell of your breasts softly lit.

He grows hard again in his pants but wants right now to be all about you.

“Now sit darling and relax.” You sit slowly onto his awaiting mouth, hovering over him as he kisses you first and licks from entrance to your clit. He has to lift his head to reach you which frustrates him.

“I said sit.” He grips your waist and forces you to sit fully on his face, his mouth latching tightly onto your clit and you gasp and he moans, eyes rolling back into his head as he tastes you once more. He can taste the both of you from the car ride and he licks feverishly at you making your head spin. The stubble on his face scratching the inside of your thighs so nicely.

You brace your hand on his head trying to make him slow but he won't relent from his work. He’s a thorough man and once he starts a job he won’t stop until it's finished. He works on you and your chest starts rising faster and faster, he sucks licks and ravages like he’s never eaten before. 

“König, don’t stop please.” 

You moan and tip your head back, he groans as you arch backwards hands bracing on his midsection and you moan freely into the air. His mumbled words vibrate your core and it makes you reach your peak that much quicker.

König doesn't stop, not after you cum and he won’t slow down, his face is soaked and his pupils dilated.

“König it’s too much, please.”

You try to move your hips away and he growls the hands on your waist gets tighter and you’re able to lift just a bit off his lips for reprieve, he whines.

“Please darling, give me another ok? Just a few more.” 

You can’t say no to him, he’s licking his lips again, your fluid soaking his face and nose, it glistens in the sunset glow and you can’t say no to him. So you lower yourself again, he smiles as his mouth meets you halfway. 

“Fuck, König.” It isn’t long before you cum on his mouth another two times, he’s quick to draw it out of you and he knows what buttons to push and ways to move to make you unravel.

By the end he’s kissing the inside of your thighs again and you pant down at him mind turned to sand by his actions.

“You look beautiful like this, we’ll have to do this more often.” His grip is light and his thumb makes patterns on your exposed skin and you shiver from the cold now, the sun fully set and the stars in full swing. 

“Here, let's get you inside, warm up yea?” He gives you his shirt to put on and carries, much to your protest, you back inside where you both shower and sit on the couch in front of the fire.

His arms are wrapped around you and your eyelids grow heavy as you rest on him.

“König.”

“Yes schatz?”

“Did you mean it earlier when you said we’d have a place of our own?”

He smiles, you can’t see it but he hums at the thought. The two of you retire from the force and he can come home to your awaiting gaze and warm touch.

“I would love it, more than anything. You complete me, relax me and ignite fire within me all the same. To live by your side would be eternal bliss.”

“I would love that too.” 

You smile and cozy yourself closer to him, your eyes grow heavy and you feel content giving yourself to sleep in his arms.

[mendessi]

ii. the sun

The sun portends good fortune, happiness, joy and harmony. It represents the universe coming together and agreeing with your path and aiding forward movement into something greater.

paring: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: you meet joel for the first time while working as a trauma nurse in the emergency room at a hospital in austin, texas. joel can't handle a few stitches so he distracts himself by flirting with you.

warnings: pre-outbreak, mentions of injury, blood, stitches, flirty/nervous!joel, mention of a car accident, me pretending i know what being a nurse is like, no use of y/n

masterlist

minors DNI

Your day had been ridiculously rough but thankfully it was coming to an end within the next two hours. It was Saturday which meant it was one of your longer shifts at the hospital and it felt like it had no end in sight.

There had been a game at the university which brought a ton of mid day drinking to underage college students who couldn't handle their alcohol. This also typically meant a ton of fights between the rivaling teams, drunk driving accidents, and typical college bullshit that never seemed to end during the football season. If there was one thing you had learned about Texans since moving there was that they take their football seriously. Especially for a school like UT.

"Talk about a rough day." You say to your co-worker when you both finally have a second to breathe at the nurse's station. You flip open a chart to ensure everything is set for a patient's release and then shut it.

"At least Bradley over there didn't throw up on your brand new sneakers." Belle said to you with a sigh.

"College boys, what can you do?" You say with a laugh.

"So cute and yet so so stupid." She looked down at her pager and then groaned. "Great. I gotta run."

You grabbed your stack of release papers off the printer, stapled them and then headed over to one of your patients for them to sign. Considering it had been an early game, the chaos was settling down in the ER and the shift was getting easier which was a good sign you'd actually be leaving on time.

"Alright then Mr. Olson, you're all set." You gave your best smile and then turned on your heel after receiving the necessary paperwork.

"Hey, can you grab bed three? Brad needs his IV changed." Belle said as she quickly passed you by.

"Brad? We're calling him Brad now?" You huffed throwing your arms up. "Belle, I'm supposed to be leaving now."

"Sorry, love you!" She didn't even turn to look at you as she hustled off towards bed six where Brad was still recovering from his alcohol poisoning.

You roll your eyes and pick up the chart for bed three, reading over it as you walk towards the patient. Injury to hand. Probably from a bar fight. You pull the curtain back with a smile, slighlty surprised that the man sitting on the edge of the bed was not a college student but a grown man. Half a relief.

"Mr. Miller?" You say, pulling up your chair to sit in front of him saying your spiel, "How are you doing? I'm a RN at Austin General and I'm just gonna see what's going on and hopefully we'll get you out of here in about an hour, yeah?"

"Joel, please." He says. You can't help but take note of how handsome he is compared to the other drunk men that have come into ER today. Either he sobered up due to the gaping cut in his hand or he had time to sober up on his drive over here. "You're not from round here are you?"

"Seattle. That obvious, huh?" You say with a laugh. "I'm just gonna take a look." You take his hand, pausing for a moment when he sucks a breath of air through his teeth.

You unravel the sketchy and poorly wrapped t-shirt around Joel's hand, hiding any reaction you have to gash in the palm of his hand that is still bleeding.

"Get into a fight?" You ask, trying to make light conversation after seeing his pained reaction to the injury.

"Yeah, you should see the other guy." He laughs lightly.

"What really happened?" You ask, grabbing the antiseptic to clean the wound. This man was far from drunk.

You could see by the dirt on his hands that this was not a bar fight and indeed probably just a work related accident. What, you couldn't guess, but the man in front of you didn't give off the energy he was coming down from being wasted.

"Tried catching a pane of glass that was falling over. Sliced right through my hand." He said, watching your hands as they worked. "Not gonna need stitches or nothin, will it?"

"I wish I could give you the answer you want." You tell him with empathy coming to the conclusion that it was deep enough to not heal on its own and would need stitches.

"Shit," He sighs.

"It'll take about ten minutes tops. Not too bad." You finish preparing the wound and grab a fresh pair of gloves and your suture kit.

"You gonna do em?" He asked.

"Yes sir." You look up at him again from your chair and his eyes meet yours. They're soft and brown, and you almost imagine what they'd look like in the sun. Probably like honey, you think.

"You ever had em before?" He asks and you gesture to the small scar on your temple.

"My cousin pushed me out of our tree house when I was five. Cracked my head open pretty bad. Seven stitches." You say. "If five year old me can handle it, thirty-four year old you can handle it."

"How old are you now?" He asks.

"Twenty-four." You reply, pushing his fingers open so that his hand is laying flat on the table in front of you.

"Pretty young to be a nurse, I'd say. Pretty though." He says and almost immediately after he face palms with his free hand. "Sorry, I'm a little nervous."

You almost smile and then remember the amount of times you had been hit on today was astronomical between all of the college kids coming in and out of the ER. How hard could it possibly be for any men to keep their testosterone levels steady and not flirt with women simply trying to do their jobs. You do feel a little bit of empathy for him as needles do seem to make him nervous but you've had a hard, never ending day so nothing amuses you.

You look up at him with a blank stare, "Try to move as little as possible."

"Tell me somethin true." He says as you begin your first suture. He keeps his eyes on you but you're focused on stitching his hand back together.

"Such as?"

"About you." He releases a shaky breath and you notice his finger tips start shaking slightly. The caring person you are feels sorry for him. He does seem like a nice guy who is just dealing with the fact that he has a four inch slice in his hand.

"I think I'm quite an open book." You say, your eyebrows furrowing as you work carefully on his hand.

"I'd say the opposite." His voice is low and it's hard to tell if he's struggling to hold his composure or if he's still trying to flirt.

"I entered this field because when I was twelve I was in a pretty brutal car accident. I was in the hospital for weeks but the nurses that cared for me quickly became my reason for living. I was miserable, it was quite literally the worst time of my life, but I was excited to wake up everyday because I knew they'd be there to greet me. They were just doing their jobs, but it was so much more for me. I wanted to do that for other people." You talk quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. As you go on, you notice his fingers stop shaking and the muscles in his arm that were tense relax.

"I think you're doin a stand up job." You look up at him, a small smile on your lips. "You're makin this this thing a whole lot easier."

That was definitely flirting. Though, looking at him now, you don't seem to mind it much anymore.

"You flirt with women every time you go into their workplace?" You ask. You're half joking. What's the worst that can happen, you'll flirt, he'll be discharged and then you'll never see him again.

"Only the pretty ones." You look into his eyes, yours narrowed as you judge his words. He's not smiling anymore.

"You think I'm pretty." It comes out more as a statement than a question. You almost flip your hair but then remember you're supposed to be suturing his hand.

"I think you're the most stunning woman to ever walk the streets of Austin." He's 100% serious and you can tell he means what he's saying.

You're cheeks are red at this point and there's no hiding it. "You're not half bad compared to the boys that have been in and out of this ER today."

"That's cus I'm a man." He straightens his posture and you can't help but laugh at the bad line. "That was a bad one, m' sorry."

"Good to know." You glance at him and cut the suture. You wrap a bandage around his hand and then scribble stuff down on his papers. "Seven stitches."

"What time are you out of here?" He asks as he examines your work on his hand.

"As soon as you're gone." You say standing up. "I'm gonna grab your discharge papers and I'll be right back."

"Let me take you to dinner." He states more than asks.

"I don't go out with patients." You say before walking away to the nurses station located in the center of the floor.

As you print his papers and sign and date them you can feel his eyes on you but you avoid looking up. He was probably the only sober man you spoke with today and while yes he was extremely handsome, he was at least ten years older than you. You never really cared about that before so the only thing stopping you was your suddenly made up rule about not dating patients. You had never once been officially been asked out by a patient only tragically flirted with by every college kid that walked into building. The rule was bullshit and you knew it. What could one date hurt? He was charming and you didn't want to admit it.

"Okay, Mr. Miller you're all set. Just sign these for me and you're good to go." You slide him the discharge papers and wait patiently for him to sign them. He hands them back to you, a smug smile on his face.

"Thanks for everything." He says and you nod.

"Stay safe." You tell him and then turn on your heel back to the nurses station where you quickly file his paperwork and clock out. You grab your things and wave bye to your co workers as you head for the door.

"Hey," You look up from your pager and find Joel Miller waiting for you.

"Mr. Miller." You greet him, shoving your pager into your pocket. "Stalking me?"

"Joel. It's dark outside, figured I could walk you to your car." He says matching your pace which is always at a default fast pace, though it must be easier considering his legs are longer than yours.

"Sure you're not gonna kidnap me once we get there?" You ask with a huff.

"With my crippled hand against you? No chance, you'd take me out easily." He smiles.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" You look both ways before crossing the street into the parking lot, he still keeps up with you standing at your side.

"As a matter of fact I would." He says and you finally look at him as you reach your car. You cross your arms over your chest and stare at him for a moment before speaking.

"Fine." You pull your phone from your pocket and hand it to him to put his number in.

"Really?" He tries to hide his excitement but he fails as the smile spreads from cheek to cheek as he punches the numbers in on your phone.

"I'll call you tomorrow." You say when he hands your phone back.

"I'll be waitin." He pulls your door open and you get in as he smiles at you until he closes the door. "Stay safe."

You never would've have given him your phone if it were anyone else but there was something about Joel Miller that you knew you could trust. You knew he'd never try to physically harm you and you knew that he wasn't being weird with his action. The nerves of getting stitches brought out a flirty side of him that was amusing to watch.

He could pretend that the only reason he asked you out was because you were "the most stunning woman to ever walk the streets of Austin" but it realistically was the fact that you were caring (whether it was just your job or not), you were kind (even when he was relentlessly flirting with you) and it was easy to tell you didn't put up with anyone's bullshit.

The truth is, Joel Miller never would've flirted with you if you were anyone else. He hadn't even thought of another woman since Sarah entered the world. He had never gotten stitches before so the nerves were eating at him but you opened up to him and alleviated his nerves. You had a bright aura, one that resembled the sun on a winter day, the moment when it emerges from the clouds and everything is suddenly warmer. You made him feel eased despite the throbbing pain of the cut in his hand or the process of getting stitched up.

That night was simple to the start of your relationship. Despite the clouds that surrounded you that night, Joel brought out the sun.

tag list: @aphrcdites @rey26

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[mssorceressupreme]

hiii i felt like ive read every single minho fic in existence & ive been dying from the lack of it so im hoping u can write ts 🙏🏼

fem!reader works for wicked and betrays the gladers w teresa (or not doesn’t matter). & instead of teresa talking to minho in that one scene, its reader. reader tries to explain that its for a good cause by being slightly stern n rude about it but breaks down for the first time and softens up when she realizes that it isn't right. reader then tries to make up with it by being a lil freaky…..,, (can be spice or smut idc)

HAHAHAH girl mans was literally in pain during that scene but ur so real 😩🤌🏼 literally tho I feel like the fandom is slowly dying and it hurts 😭😭 anyway, l hope I satisfied your prompt but I do apologise as I got slightly carried away at the end and added more to the plot 😭🫶🏼

——

Change | Minho x Reader

Summary: after betraying the gladers, you come face to face with one of them again. the one who captured your heart a long time ago, and you discover that feelings don’t go astray.

Warnings: spicy content, mild violence, mentions of blood and gunshots

——

You stood in the sterile lab, the cold, fluorescent lights casting a harsh glare in the white walls. The sound of machines humming filled the room, a constant reminder of the work you were doing here.

You paused from working on your lab report, glancing over at Teresa, who was intently focused on a computer screen, analysing data. “Do you regret it, Teresa?” You asked, “Betraying them?”

Teresa didn’t look up from the screen. “No,” she replied firmly, “We’re in the right, Y/N.”

You stared at her blankly, did she really not care about them?

“Don’t think too much about it, this is our job now. We’re here and not with them. They’re out there and it doesn’t matter anymore.” She continued, with a slightly gentler tone.

“Not all of them…” you mumbled.

Teresa looked up from her computer screen, she knew how much he meant to you back in the glade, about your secret infatuation with him. “The tests on Minho are looking good, he’s delivering promising results Y/N. If we continue testing, we’ll be closer to finding a cure.”

You nodded, but felt heavy with doubt. You had always believed in the cause, the need to find a cure and save humanity.

But seeing Minho captured and brought to the facility, subjected to tests and experiments, had stirred something inside you. Was this truly the way?

You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were crossing the line but you chose to ignore that for the sake of finding the cure.

It was still early in the day and you were due for a check in session with Minho in a few minutes. The first session, and the first time seeing him since he was held captive.

You couldn’t bring yourself to visit him previously, well, not until now, since it was mandatory for you to check in with your subject as a scientist.

“Well I’m off, got a meeting.” You began packing up your items.

“Good luck. See you for a coffee later?” Teresa smiled softly, and you nodded, showing a small smile before leaving the room.

——

In no time, you found yourself sitting in the cold, clinical meeting room, waiting for Minho to be brought in.

You fiddled with a pen, your mind racing. When the door finally opened, and Minho was escorted in, your heart clenched at the sight of him. He looked worn, his usual fierce determination dulled by exhaustion and pain.

You sat at opposite ends of the table, the distance between you feeling both emotional and physical.

“Minho,” you began, trying to keep your voice steady.

Minho didn’t respond, his eyes refusing to meet yours.

“You have to understand where Teresa and I are coming from…” You continued, “This is for a good cause. We’re trying to save the world.”

Again, he didn’t move a muscle nor did he respond. But you could feel the tension between the two of you, the atmosphere was uneasy. The guilt of bringing him here, away from the other gladers weighed heavily on your shoulders.

You felt your resolve wavering but you forced yourself to remain stern, “You know how much we need to find a cure. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made.”

You sighed and continued. “There’s a girl here, her name is Cheyenne. You can help her Minho, we’re so close to finding a cure. You can help hundreds of infected people, think about it. It just takes a bit of sacrifice…”

Minho’s eyes narrowed, anger flashing in them. “By torturing and experimenting on people? How can you justify that.”

“There is no other way.” You sneered, “We’re doing the best we can.”

“Your best looks a lot like your worst.” He spat, clenching his fists through his handcuffs.

“At least we’re doing something about it! Unlike some people!” You slammed your pen on the table, frustrated with the amount of confusion running through your head.

Your head was thinking differently than your heart. You had certain thoughts, but out came opposing ones.

“You’re no better than WCKD,” He was spiteful, “You’re just like them.”

Your gaze softened, you shook your head slightly.

“The Y/N I know wouldn’t have done this.” He added, scoffing.

The weight of his accusation hit hard. You had always prided yourself on being different, empathetic, wanting to help people. But now, you felt the full force of your actions crashing down in you. Tears welled up in your eyes, and you couldn’t hold them back any longer.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice breaking, “I just wanted to help…I thought I was doing the right thing, but now, I don’t know anymore.” There had to be another way to cure humanity, this was straight up torture.

Minho’s expression softened slightly, seeing you break down for the first time. “If you really want to help, you need to stop this.”

You took a deep breath, the decision forming in your mind. You stood up and walked around the table, closing the distance between you. “I never wanted to hurt you, Minho.” You confessed, “I’ve always…loved you.”

He scanned your face, eyes darting from your eyes to lips, as you leaned in. Your lips brushing against his, before forcefully attaching.

Little did you know, that Minho too, shared your feelings. You had always admired him, his leadership, fearlessness, and the way he cared for other gladers, especially you.

Those moments where he paid extra close attention to you, wasn’t just because he cared for you like everyone else, but because he had feelings for you. You were always his first priority.

“Shuck, I’ve been wanting to do this to you for so long.” Minho mumbled into the kiss, as he pulled you onto his lap despite having his hands cuffed.

“Please forgive me Minho, I can’t bear to see you like this anymore. I want to stop this, stop WCKD and find the others.” You were straddling him, and pulled away from the kiss.

His response was leaning in for another kiss. The kiss was filled with desperation and regret, a silent plea for forgiveness.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, tugging on his hair lightly, while he pulled you closer to him, fully closing the gap between you.

He bit your lip slightly, you left out a soft moan in response. Your lips moved in sync, they became sloppy, desperate and hungry kisses. You craved more, you missed him badly, and this proximity was exactly what the both of you needed.

The fact that his was growing harder beneath you, and how wet you already were, made it evident that the both of you were touch deprived, and all your feelings had burst out in this session.

“Minho…” you moaned, as he began kissing your neck, finding your sweet spot and sucking on it until he left a mark.

“Looks like we’re both tagged now.” He smirked, his eyes still tired and weak, but a tinge of something else was shown, forgiveness.

You now couldn’t imagine how much the betrayal must’ve hurt him especially. But the past is in the past, you wanted to move forward and truly make up for your heinous actions.

You planted a gentle kiss on his forehead, “I’m never going to let you get hurt, ever again.” You looked down at his handcuffs, and grazed your thumb above them, “I don’t have the keys to this on me…they should be in the lab somewhere.”

You got off his lap, “As much as I’d like to continue, we need to get you out of here,” determination hardening your voice, “I’m going to help you escape.”

Minho looked at her, taken aback by your sudden change of heart, “Why would you do that? Never-mind me…what will WCKD do to you if they find out?”

“I don’t care about WCKD anymore. I realise now that I can’t justify what we’ve done,” You replied, “And I’m not letting them hurt you again, I care about you Minho.”

He nodded firmly, “What can I do to help?”

——

You grabbed the handcuff keys from your lab, un-cuffing Minho swiftly. He shook his wrists and cupped your cheeks, giving you a quick peck on the lips, “Thank you.”

As you made your way through the compound, you led the way. Using your clearance to bypass security systems and unlock doors.

It was all havoc. Alarms sounding, people rushing to flee something, gunshots erupting. There had been a sudden attack on WCKD and the Last City, and you mentally thanked yourself for switching to the right side on time.

When you encountered guards, you fought together, defending Minho. Your movements synchronised and steady.

You grabbed a fallen guard’s weapon, tossing another to Minho. You defended each other fiercely, a silent understanding between you. The both of you weren’t just fighting for survival, you were fighting for each other.

As Minho rounded a corner, he bumped into Thomas and Newt, who were searching for him in the compound.

Minho reunited with the two of them, the three of them sharing a relieving hug. “Minho!” Thomas beamed.

You followed soon behind, seeing Minho embraced in a hug.

Thomas saw you and raised his weapon instinctively, and in the chaos, a shot rang out. Pain seared through your leg, and you crumpled to the ground.

“Y/N!” Minho shouted, dropping to his knees beside you. He turned to Thomas, “She’s with us again! She helped me escape.”

Thomas lowered his weapon, guilt washing over his face. “Sorry Y/N,” he stammered, his eyes regretful, “I didn’t know…it’s good, good to have you back with us.” He affirmed.

Minho carefully lifted you into his arms, cradling you into his chest. “We’ve got to get out of here. She’s hurt.”

They moved quickly, Minho carrying you bridal style as you navigated through the compound. You clung to him, breaths shallowed and pained. The warmth of his body was comforting and reassuring against you.

“Hang on,” he whispered, “We’re almost there.”

When the four of you finally burst out the building, the cool night air hit you like a wave. You stumbled into the open, the dark sky stretching above you lot.

“You did it,” you murmured, a weak smile tugging at your lips, you had lost a lot of blood in your leg. “We did it.”

Minho held you tighter, his face close to yours. “You’re safe now,” he said softly, “We’re going to be okay.”

Thomas and Newt followed closely behind, their expressions a mix of concern and determination. They had all made it out, but your injury weighed heavily on them.

“We need to get her to safety,” Thomas said, his voice urgent, “I’ll get Brenda and the others to come to us.”

Minho nodded, his grip on you unwavering. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” He promised.

As you moved away from the compound, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. Despite the pain, despite the uncertainty of your future, you knew you were where you needed to be—by Minho’s side, fighting for a better tomorrow. Together, you would face whatever came next, your hearts united in your quests for freedom and redemption.

[umeoniii]

Hii! I was thinking female reader x Hange Zoe smut! Maybe reader is jealous and upset with hange seeming so invested in Pieck (you know cuz she's the cart titan). Hange starts to notice reader acting upset which leads to comfort sex. I dunno something cute and smutty

jealous reader & hange

(｀_´)ゞ

you sat alone in the courtyard watching the sunset, picking at your food. steak rice and water, the same thing as usual. you sat and thought, what drove me here? sitting alone with nothing but anger bubbling in my chest?

usually you’d be sitting with hange, listening to her ramble while you ate and nodded. a shiver ran through your body as the warm summer breeze went through you, bringing a few small flower petals aside your foot. you listened to the nighttime cicadas coming to life.

you were jealous, jealous of your lover’s friend, pieck. you didn’t trust their relationship, you were fine with hange having friends, but pieck made you feel something else. possessiveness. you weren’t possessive, or at least you thought you weren’t.

it’s been quite a while since hange and peick have been friends. about 3 months to be exact, it’s been 3 months since you’ve watched from afar with jealousy. you knew it was horrible for you to be jealous and to not have trust in hange but you couldn’t help it.

pieck had something that you didn’t have and that’s what hange liked about her. you’d watch how her face would light up when talking to her. you couldn’t help but think what would you have to do for her to appreciate you more, because you weren’t gonna just let this pass by like absolutely nothing. you’d wake up earlier to have an early start on looking even better, maybe that would’ve gotten her attention.

you’d wear your hair different ways , try to wear more pleasant clothes, you had even tried a little bit of makeup. there were times you’d even try to appear more provocative around hange. shoving your tits in her face or getting on all fours to pick something up, hoping she’d stare at your ass. she noticed it and would compliment you, but not in the way you wanted her to.

you started to become more jealous and bitter over it. you always told yourself that if hange wanted pieck that she would’ve already left you, so you were safe. but you still couldn’t help but hate her.

you’d look in your mirror before bed, mumbling and laughing to yourself “she’s not better than me, i have a whole lot more than her. im so much more desirable.” you’d then put your silky pink night gown on and go to sleep. sometimes crying yourself to slumber because of how much it pissed you off.

one day things were different though. the first time you saw them get super close, and most certainly the last. hange got super close to her, pulling her into a tight hug, jumping up and down.

you walked up with a smile inquiring about why she and pieck were so close like that.

“ive been begging her for weeks to let me experiment on her and the titan and she finally gave in! well kinda…” she smiled cheekily

she genuinely sounded so happy about it, you weren’t though.

you scanned them up and down with your eyes before turning around walking away. your finger nails digging into the flesh of your palm, fist clenching from the pure abhorrence.

that night hange came into your room, sitting next to you while you were laying down. she saw you were wearing another one of those lacy night gowns she knew you loved a lot. this one hugged your curves just the right way, it was a v neck as well, she stared at your cleavage while you were lying down.

she rubbed the side of your upper thigh “hey honey.”

“im not in the mood, go back to work.” you sighed turning around towards the opposite way of hange.

she slid her hands under the silk fabric rubbing your ass, “just what do i have to do to get under those cute panties.” she whispered

“stop talking to her.” you responded bluntly

you can feel her shocked face burning holes into your back.

“you know i can’t do that, she’s very vital to my studies.”

“then get out. m’ not gonna ask you again.”

you felt the weight of the bed lessen as she respected your wish and got off your bed.

you heard the door open and close as she took her exit.

and everyday after that you gave hange more of a slight attitude.

“look at what i read about today, isn’t it weird?”

“yup.” you looked away

“i found this for you at the store, do you like it?”

“it’s great” you say, not paying attention at all to the conflicting colors on the dress.

she noticed the complete change in your demeanor and assumed it might’ve still been because of pieck, so she tested the theory.

“i found this at the store, do you think pieck would like it?”

you turned from your vanity to look at the dress, it was very revealing. it was cute a pink, frilly, skimpy little dress. it pissed you off that she wanted her to wear something so… revealing. and you knew that she knew the dress was something of your fondness and that’s exactly why she asked.

and her theory was proven correct , because after you took in the view of the dress you turned around and threw your lipstick at her.

“the fucks wrong with you!? i was so right, you do have something for her! you probably have weird little fantasies about having sex with her titan or some shit! you might as well fuck her with how you’ve been acting! get out!” you yelled.

“ y/n hun, it’s not like that, you know i love you more than titans or anything im interested in, i put you before anything.” she stood up looking at you.

“oh my god, get. out.” you pushed her through the door and slammed it.

you heard her voice muffled through the oak door, “you know what, stay in there and cry about it. im not working myself up with your crazy little delusions.” she walked off

you sat back on your bed, you didn’t want hange to be right but you felt your lip tremble as your nails digged into your thighs. tears ran down your cheek as you tried not to think too hard about it. once again, you cried yourself to sleep. all i’ve done is sat and been pretty for her, all for her to get mad at me.

you woke up to the rhythm of knocks on your door. your head turned and you sat up as you saw your door open, hange walked in with a expressionless face. she walked and sat on the bed next to you.

“you’re not seriously jealous of her though, are you? you don’t actually believe i’d ever leave you if i had the choice? you’re the only woman i want to be with. i wouldn’t chose another woman over you on even my darkest of days.” she said rubbing your thigh with her palm.

you sniffled as she wiped the tears off your cheeks.

“you’re better than that y/n, you’re so-”

“you seem to enjoy yourself more around her.” you scoffed

“well im sorry that i get excited about that kinda stuff, but you still know i love you.” she picked up your face, your doe eyes glimmering from the still wet tears inside of your eyes.

she brought your lips closer to hers.

“tell me though y/n, do you think the things that i do to you pieck will never get to experience?”

you shook your head

“that’s what i thought.” her soft lips drifted over the goosebumps on your neck before biting your neck, sucking on your supple skin.

you let out a soft yelp clawing at her clothed back.

she nipped and sucked at you skin undressing you slowly and whispering sweet praises into your ear.

“i’ll never love anyone else like this.” she said, her fingers drifting to your panties. you stifle your moan, pushing her hand away.

she looks up at you through her glasses, pulling you hand away forcefully and bringing your underwear down.

“god you’ve been such a brat y/n, im just trying to show you how much i really do appreciate and love you.” she whispered softly into your ear.

she opened you legs staring at your glistening cunt kissing and licking at you.

“you’re so beautiful.” she speaks in between laps, “i love you so much.” her tongue flicks against your hardened bud as she shook her head in between your thighs, gripping them as though she were holding onto a cliff in which she was hanging off of. her tongue slipped inside of your hole, licking at the ridges and wetness brewing deep inside of you.

“i want you to sit on my face baby.” she muffled inside of you, vibrations in your cunt causing you to whimper and squeeze her head with your thighs.

“huh?” you looked at her tears clouding your vision.

she unlatched her mouth from your pussy, “ i said i want you on my face.” she layed on your soft duvet laying her head back onto the pillow. you turned your body and sat onto hange’s face not giving her a chance to breathe.

she started lapping vigorously at your sweet cunt nibbling on your folds. then she went back to sucking on your hardened clit.

god, hange loved having you atop her face. she loved staring down your body, listening to your whines and whimpers as she gave you princess treatment.

you placed your hands onto her shoulders riding her face as her tongue stuffed you and her nose bumped against your clit. the friction was a lot, your brain even foggier from the pleasure. you couldn’t even remember why you were on top of hange practically screaming her name.

hange’s brown hair was in between your fingers while you whimpered her name “oh god hange fuck” you mewled looking at her looking up at you. she drifted her hands up your gown pinching at your nipples.

you gasped from the feeling, eyes shut tight. you felt her mumbling into your cunt, probably about how much she cherished you. you felt how her thumb started to rub your bud faster, and how her tongue got thrusted and rubbed faster. you felt yourself getting closer to your orgasm going faster. you looked down at hange who was looking up at you

“ m’ gonna cum han’ ” you whimpered gripping her hair tighter.

she gave you a a little nod setting you over edge as you came inside of her mouth. hange slurped up your cum, eating it like it was honey. you leaned forward catching your breath while hange slowly moved her face up from your cunt. she gasped for breath, “ i don’t love pieck like this, i would never eat her pussy and swallow her cum like i do you.” she kissed the inside of your thigh and the valley between your breasts.

“i… love… you too” you panted

her pretty lips pecked your cheeks, “ i won’t ever make you feel unappreciated again.” she layed her head in the crook of your neck.

~

a/n: i got a little bit carried away… i hope u love it though! sorry it took a lil bit long

[joekeeryswife]

Hi girl!!

I had an idea for a while now and I thought you might want to hear

It’s kind of a two paragraph thing

Reader and Joel are married and she is Sarah’s mother and also pregnant and she planned to tell Joel the day after the outbreak but doesn’t get to it. The day of the outbreak she was working late and never got home. Joel is sure he lost his entire family but reader (and the baby) made it through.

Twenty years later in Jackson a woman in her early fifties and a twenty year old young man/ woman (your call). After confirming they are not infected and have no bad intentions they meet Tommy , that leads to a beautiful and emotional family reunion.

Thank you🫶🏼🫶🏼

Apocalypse - J.M

hey honeys! first Joel imagine.. changed it slightly to instead of y/n being Sarah’s bio mum to her step mum but been with her practically her whole life🫶 i kinda made this like y/n’s friends where trying to protect her from hearing what was going on and ive also kinda not specified how y/n got lost until the end. i love a good angsty imagine!!! I ACTUALLY HATE THIS SORRY! I PROMISE MY NEXT JOEL IMAGINE WILL BE BETTER! enjoy reading xx (Joel is 36 and reader is 27 at the beginning)

(join my taglist🫶)

September 26th 2003

“i promise i’ll be home early today. i’m only on a half day so try not to be late as well yeah? i have something to tell you” it was 6:30 in the morning and Joel didn’t have to get up for another two hours. you felt him nod and with you both sharing ‘i love you’s’ and a quick kiss on his cheek you were gone.

being a midwife was hard, especially when it pulled you away from your family. today was Joel’s 36th birthday and every year you would usually all spend the day together but this year, you and Joel had been pulled into work. you were meant to both be off but someone had called in sick and you had been persuaded into going in.

you had been excited for this day, you had found out last month that you were pregnant, 12 weeks when you found out, and you wanted to wait for his birthday to tell him. you had planned to tell him at dinner with Sarah. you had been in Sarah’s life since she was 5, she was 12 now and ever since she had met you she begged you and Joel for a brother or sister.

honestly you were excited, you had been with Joel for seven years and now was finally the right time for you and him to become parents. you had discussed it a few times in the past and one thing led to another and you both decided to start trying and as luck would have it, third time lucky you got pregnant. you had your first scan at work and decided to keep the gender a secret for now but being a midwife meant you could possibility find out the gender just by looking at the ultrasound picture so you hadn’t looked too closely.

-♡-

when you finally clocked in at work you already felt tired. being pregnant, nauseous with a headache did not help you whatsoever but money was money and you needed to start saving for your baby. “hey mama, how are you?” your co-worker and best friend Julia said as you entered the staff room. you sighed at set your bag and coat down on the table before sitting down.

your shift hadn’t even started yet and you were already ready to go home “hey, i’m alright. you been on the floor yet?” you tucked your hair behind your ear and rubbed a hand over your face. “no not yet but i’m sure when we go on we will be dealing with most of it” what she said was true, most of the staff here didn’t listen to instructions so it was up to you, Julia and a few other staff members to clean up their mess.

there were a few other co workers in the staff room with you, most of them eating their breakfast but it was practically silent except the two of you talking. “let’s go, i just want to get this day over with” and with a nod you both stood up to go to the delivery floor.

“you finally telling him tonight?” Julia asked you as she looked through a patient file “yeah, him and Sarah. she’s been begging for years so it’ll be nice to tell them at the same time. i was going to pick her up from school and tell her before but you know, duty calls” you joked. the two of you laughed and started making your way to a patients bedroom.

-♡-

you had been at work for eight hours before you finally got a break and sat down. it had been hectic and all you wanted to do was go home but your head of department had let you know that you would be staying at work way past the time you were meant to go home. three more people had called in sick and he thought because you were here you were supposed to stay.

you got your phone out of your scrubs pocket and dialled Joel’s number. it took a few rings before he finally answered. “hey sweetheart” he said in his thick Texan accent. “hey honey, happy birthday” you replied as you smiled, all you wanted to do right now was go home and cuddle with Joel. “thank you baby, how’s work?” you scoffed.

“that’s what i wanted to talk to you about. David is making me work till late, says there’s too many people calling in sick so i have to stay on” you heard him sigh

“you booked this day off months ago and they make you come in and they can’t let you leave at the time you’re meant to? that’s bullshit baby” you could sense that he was rolling his eyes.

“i know, i’m sorry. i begged him to let me come home but he wouldn’t budge.” you felt awful, letting him down on his birthday because of your stupid job.

“i’m gonna try my best to get home before 9 i promise, i want to spend at least an hour of your birthday with you” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

“don’t stress yourself too much baby okay? we always have tomorrow to celebrate. you said about telling me something this morning, is everything alright?” you opened your mouth to answer but Julia came into the staff room looking for you, a panicked expression on her face.

“y/n i’m so sorry but i need your help” you sighed, feeling deflated. you couldn’t even have a full break. your whole body was aching and you wanted a moment to just sit down and talk to your husband.

“i’m guessing you’ve got to go” Joel said making you laugh and roll you eyes. “i’m sorry, yeah i do. i’m okay though Joel, i’ll talk to you when i’m home okay? i love you” before he could answer you quickly hung up and followed Julia.

-♡-

“that was a weird conversation” Tommy said as he peered over at Joel who looked confused. “she sounds stressed. ain’t had a fucking day off in three weeks. barely see her now” he knew you loved your job but he also knew how much it stressed you out.

“maybe there’s a reason she’s been working so much?” Joel scoffed “she’s been tryna get a day off for ages and her boss is a fucking asshole, don’t give two shits about anyone except for himself”

“she’s gonna try get home a bit earlier but i doubt it, gonna do something together tomorrow if they allow her the time off” Joel wanted to have one day where you could all spend the day together, or even just a day that you and Joel could be together without worrying about anyone else.

“hey, old man, turn up that radio for a second” Joel chuckled and rolled his eyes, Tommy wasn’t even listening to a word he said but nevertheless he turned up the radio.

‘there has been suspicious activity in Indonesia, people are acting strange which has spread through many different countries. the government is advising that people stay indoors-’

“what a load of bullshit that is, turn it back down” Tommy scoffed and got back to work and Joel turned down the radio, what had that been all about?

“why don’t you finish early today? i know you told Sarah you’d be back late but you should go home”

“i gotta get this job finished, i told her latest ill be back is 9 now shut up so we can maybe get this finished quicker” with that, the two of them got on with the job.

-♡-

it was now 12:30am and there was no way you were leaving work yet. everything was just going wrong, so many people coming into the hospital to give birth (which was a given) but the amount of times the alarm had went off in the main hospital ward was ridiculous.

every 20 minutes like clockwork the alarm meant off meaning something violent was happening or a lot of people were not responding.

“i just want to go home” you said to Amy, the front desk worker as you stood in front of her, your head falling on the desk carefully. “go home, seriously” you looked up at her and saw her with an expression you’d never seen on her face before, pure panic and seriousness.

“are you kidding? David would fire me if i went home, besides there’s too many people off sick and i need to-" she shook her head and cut you off “y/n. go home. there’s been some weird shit on the radio, people going crazy, you’re pregnant and you need to be safe so go home”

your body filled with anxiety, you’d never seen her like this ever. you nodded “yeah uh, okay, i’ll go home now. you stay safe Amy yeah?” with that you quickly rushed to find Julia to let her know you were going.

you didn’t know why but the way Amy spoke sent a shiver down your spine. was Joel and Sarah okay? was your parents okay? were your family okay? you felt nervous and worried.

you quickly ran to the staff room and grabbed your stuff before searching for Julia. “Emma, have you seen Julia?” Emma was another midwife who worked with you. “yeah she’s at front desk, why have you got your stuff, did David say you could go home?” you ignored her and ran back to the front desk.

“y/n go home, what are you still doing here?” Julia asked as she saw you jogging towards her “i came to find you to tell you i’m leaving. Amy said there’s something going on but i didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to you”

you didn’t know why the two of them were being a little secretive. Julia felt her eyes water slightly and she hugged you “i’ll see you soon okay? get home safely and look after that baby” you hugged her back. “i will, i promise” with that she let go of you and with that you left the hospital.

as you were driving home all you could hear on the radio was ‘an outbreak has happened, get home and lock your doors’

you felt sick, what type of outbreak? you quickly got your phone and called Joel, you were scared, terrified even and you needed to know he was okay.

“Joel, i’m 20 minutes from home, what the fuck is happening? they look like they’re blocking the highway off, i’m just pulling into town now” you could hear Tommy in the background telling Joel what to say “baby listen carefully okay? don’t go home, go to straight to town, don’t talk to anyone, don’t stop the car for anyone just try get there” his voice was filled with panic “Joel what-”

he cut you off “i’m going to get Sarah and we will meet you there as quickly as we can, i will find you there i promise. i love you okay? if i don’t get-”

you looked at your phone which had abruptly cut the call. “Joel?” you dialled his number again but the call went straight to answer phone.

you hoped whatever was happening that Joel, Sarah and Tommy would make it out safe and you prayed that you found them before whatever this virus was destroyed everything.

-♡-

“get in the truck, right now” Joel shouted as he got out of the truck with a wrench in his hand. Joel pushed Sarah to the truck but stopped when he saw Mrs Adler.

Joel froze in fear as he saw the usually quiet old lady who sits in her chair run toward them, screeches coming from her. in the time he had lived in that house he had never heard a single sound from that lady yet here she was running.

“what are we doing Joel?” Tommy lifted the gun up, fear laced his voice. Mrs Adler was coming closer and closer by the second and without thinking Joel hit her over the head with the wrench.

she fell to the ground and stopped moving. what the fuck had he just done? he dropped the wrench and quickly turned to look at Sarah who looked terrified.

he put his hands on her cheeks carefully “you killed her” Sarah said, her voice breaking slightly. “baby i’m so sorry” he pulled her in for a hug, his hand cradling the back of her head.

“Joel, we gotta go” Joel pulled away from Sarah “it’s not just the Adlers okay? but we are gonna be brave and we are gonna get out of this” the three of them got into the truck and drove off.

“they’re saying it’s some kind of virus, a parasite” Tommy said as he drove quickly down the road toward the town. “are we sick?” Sarah asked, her eyes filled with tears as fear overtook her body.

“no, course not” Joel quickly said, trying his best to reassure her. “how do you know we are not sick?” Joel turned to look at Sarah then back at Tommy.

“they said it’s mostly people in the city. that’s why they’ve got most of the highway blocked off” Tommy glanced over at Joel then focused back on the road.

“what about mum? she works in the city? is she sick? where is she?” she asked, her eyes darting between the two men.

“mum is fine, i spoke to her before i got you. she’s not sick, she’s in town and we are going there right now okay? she’s fine” to be honest Joel didn’t know if you were okay. it had been thirty minutes since he last spoke to you and he had no idea where you were. he just hoped you were somewhere safe until he could find you.

-♡-

November 12th 2023

20 years. it had been 20 years since Joel had last saw you and he was sure you were dead. he had promised you he would find you, keep you safe and he failed to do that. he felt like he had failed you and failed Sarah and he wanted nothing more then to be with you.

when they got to town is was destroyed, fires everywhere, cars flipped over, people dead in the road and there was absolutely no way he would have been able to find you.

he would have nightmares every night. the nightmare of Sarah dying in his arms the same way over and over again but with you, he had no idea how you died. he had dreamed every way imaginable that you died and it was awful. he felt disgusted with himself every single day for not being with you.

he would think about how different life would be if the outbreak didn’t happen. the two of you would have had two kids, both girls, moved into a bigger house more in the countryside and lived together forever, but then he’d realise what had happened and images of that night came crashing back.

Joel had decided to move to Jackson after the whole ordeal with Ellie realising that that was what was best for her. Jackson was safe, secure, nothing could happen to her and he felt somewhat free from the world outside those walls.

they had been in Jackson for six months at this point and life had finally started to feel somewhat normal again. he was grateful Maria gave him a chance to turn his life around after feeling his stopped because of what happened to you and Sarah. he wanted to be better for Ellie now, she was his main priority.

it was a Sunday and usually the whole of Jackson would have a day off (except from patrols) and Joel and Ellie had decided to take a walk through Jackson. it was snowing but it was nice to walk through the streets and see families be happy together.

Tommy had been helping the builders by the front gates when they opened meaning the patrollers had come back from their shift. he looked up briefly and saw two new people on the backs of Maria’s and Michael’s horses.

he didn’t know why but he felt the need to go over there and greet them, coming into somewhere like this could be scary for some who hadn’t been in this sort of environment for a while so he wanted them to feel welcomed.

the patrollers stopped and everyone got off their horses. Tommy had a warm smile on his face as he saw the younger woman out of the two lace her arm around the older woman’s.

as he got a closer look he couldn’t believe what he saw. a woman who he thought he’d never see in his life again was standing right in front of him. his heart swelled with joy and he didn’t know why but he felt his eyes fill with tears.

“Tommy?” before he could even talk the woman spoke making his assumption correct, it was you. you looked a little older, you had a few scars littered around your face and your hair which used to be quite long was now shoulder length but suited you so much.

“y/n, it is you oh my god” he rushed toward you and wrapped his arms around you. you couldn’t believe it, Tommy was here.

your brother in law who you thought had died was here, did that mean Sarah and Joel were here too?

“i thought you had died, i didn’t think id ever see you again-” Tommy was cut off quickly when he heard his brothers voice behind him.

“Tommy who the hell are you hugging?” Joel and Ellie had walked toward the gate when they realised there were a few new people. you pulled away from Tommy and your eyes immediately made eye contact with the ones you used to love staring into.

Joel’s heart felt like time had stopped. there was no way he was staring at the woman he loved right now, there was no way, it had been 20 years and he thought you were dead. “Joel” he heard you whisper.

you quickly made your way toward him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. “y/n” he pulled you in closer and kissed your forehead. “my god i thought you were dead” his voice cracked as he spoke, both of you had tears in your eyes.

“i promise i tried to find you but there were people everywhere-” you pulled away slightly, shook your head and kissed him passionately. he hadn’t felt anything like this since the outbreak, happiness. you were here, you weren’t dead, he hadn’t failed you. 

“you would have never of found me. don’t beat yourself up over it Joel” his eyes scanned your face, you still looked as beautiful as ever. you noticed the young girl stood next to him confused, where was Sarah?

“where’s Sarah Joel? is she here? i bet she’s gotten so much taller” his face softened “she died on the day of the outbreak” you felt your heart drop, you sweet Sarah was gone.

“oh Joel, i’m so sorry” your hands went to his cheeks, stroking it softly. “it’s okay, i think i’ve finally come to terms with it” he turned to look at Ellie who was just watching the two of you.

“Ellie this is y/n, my wife that i told you about” you turned your head to look at her too. “i realised with all the kissing and hugging the two of you did” her voice was filled with sarcasm which actually made you giggle quietly.

“it’s nice to meet you Ellie” she just gave you a small smile and a nod. “i, uh Joel” you pulled away and turned around to see Margot stood awkwardly behind you. “this is Margot” he looked at the young girl, she looked about 20 years old.

dark hair, dark eyes but her face looked almost identical to yours. Margot walked closer to the two of you “she’s your daughter” he frowned “what?” he unwrapped his arms from around you “i know it’s a lot to take in-”

he quickly made his way to Margot and hugged her close “hi dad” he heard her say, voice filled with anxiety. he was just as anxious as her “hi baby girl”

you watched the two of them with teary eyes, you never thought that this was where you would be 20 years into the pandemic. in a safe haven with your daughter and your husband finally happy once again.

[cowboydisaster]

The Fire In Your Eyes

part VIII: horseshoe overlook iv

pairing: Arthur Morgan x fem!reader

word count: 15.2k

summary: it's time for the train job, the biggest job you've ever done. You've got a bad feeling about it, and by the end you wish you would have listened to your gut.

a/n: Surprise! Early post! Thank you for your patience with this chapter! Yall know I always upload on Wednesday, but i was so sick that i couldn't write, and i had to go to the ER on tuesday night to get fluids. Anyway, this has been the scariest chapter to write ever. Don't kill me please and please don't give up on this series... love yall, don't yell at me and please trust me. This chapter was too long and got split into two parts: part two will be posted in three days time.

beta read by @margowritesthings

warnings: violence, death, minors dni, 18+

series extras

SERIES MASTERPOST

Arthur leaves long before you even wake up, heading back down to Blackwater to find Sean. It gives you a sick feeling in your stomach, but you trust he’ll be okay. Arthur is smart, and even though he's good at getting himself in sticky situations, he's equally good at getting out of them. It doesn't do much to help your worry, but it’s all you can cling to for right now.

You swirl your half empty cup of coffee in your hand, leaning down for the percolator to reheat it. The fire is warm, alongside the sun, and you find yourself grateful for the off the shoulder shirt you’d picked up a few days ago. It's the perfect temperature you think, tasting the bitter coffee. You're startled out of your thoughts by a weary presence.

“Penny for your thoughts, ma’am?” Kieran asks, walking passed to sit down opposite of you on a crate. He looks nervous, like he was afraid to come sit, and you feel sorry for it. Kieran seems like a nice man, just someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Just thinkin’ about all that's goin’ on… I see they let you live, huh?” You chuckle, and Kieran nods, nervously. 

“Well Mr. Morgan convinced Dutch to let me stay, I thought maybe that was your doin.” Kieran says, and your eyebrow pings up in shock. 

“Did he now?” You hum, surprised by Arthur’s choice, “No, That was all Mr. Morgan. Well good for you, I just hope he won’t regret it.”

“Oh he won’t! I'm real good with horses, miss, worked in a stable most my life. I’m sure I can be of help with anything you folks need, especially in that regard. I can do anything, even latrines. I’ll earn my keep, miss, I will.” Kieran stutters and you nod, eyeing him over. 

“But speakin’ of horses… that palomino over there, the blue eyed one, is she yours?” Kieran asks, nodding towards Athena, who has her neck to the ground, tearing through the bale of hay there. You smile, watching as she pins her ears at Old Boy, keeping the hay for herself. 

“Yeah, she’s mine. Just got her since we’ve been here.” You smile, and Kieran takes note of her configuration. 

“She looks like a thoroughbred. Nice and tall, lean and muscular.” Kieran points out, and you hum at his accuracy. 

“She is.” You respond, eyeing whether or not Kieran has a motive or if he's just a lover of all things equine. You sip at your bitter coffee, letting him speak for himself.

“Y’know palomino thoroughbreds are of the rare sort, n’ with those blues? Well you got a real fine animal, miss.” Kieran says, doting over your mare. You smile, making a note to mention Kieran’s knowledge of horses to Arthur. Maybe that could be his designated contribution. At least he’d be doing something he enjoys instead of getting harassed and threatened by the gang all day. 

“Thank you.” You hum, drinking the rest of your coffee. 

"Well I reckon I better take my coffee and head back to shuckin' corn till they give me a better job. But it was real nice talkin' to you, miss. You're the first person who's treated me like a person rather than an animal since I've been here." Kieran smiles, filling up his cup with the percolator before nodding to you and heading back to Pearson's wagon. You frown, feeling sorry for him. You were lucky enough to have been found by Arthur, but it could have gone any other way. O'Driscolls could have found you first, and you could be in Kieran's shoes right now. 

Sighing, and taking your cup of coffee, you stand up and walk past Strauss's tent, ignoring his greeting. There's a little log sitting near the edge of the cliff behind his tent, and it's a perfect little spot to sit and think. Not wanting to be bothered, your eyes stay pinned on the log as you make your way towards it. The view is breathtaking, you can see everything from the Dakota River to the tops of the Grizzlies from the spot as you sit down, drinking in the warm air. It's a secluded little area, far enough from camp to get away from the arguments and bickering, but close enough for safety. You're enjoying your solitude, watching two bucks fight down below the cliff, they're antlers are stuck together as they rip and rug. It's an interesting sight, until it's interrupted by a throat clearing behind you. 

"John." You sigh, annoyed not with his presence but the fact that you know why he's here. 

"Nice to see you too." John chuckles, bringing his leg over the log to sit next to you with a cigarette between his lips.

“Gotta get some supplies for this train job, I could use an extra hand that ain't a dumbass.” John asks, leaning backwards to stretch. You sigh, not wanting to even think about the damn train job. But nonetheless, you nod. 

“Sure. What exactly is your plan for goin’ about it?” You ask, scooching towards John as he pinches the cigarette between his fingers, shaking it before tossing it on the ground. He pulls a map from his pocket, unfolds the heavily used paper, and holds it out for you to see. 

“Trains' comin’ from Riggs Station. It’s dropping off its security detail in The Heartlands, and after dark it’s heading down to Rhodes to pick up the next regiment.” He explains, tracing his finger over the paper from Riggs Station to Rhodes. 

“So it’ll be completely unguarded for this whole stretch of tracks?” You ask. It sounds too good to be true, but you know that John and Arthur have done this enough by now. They know how to get proper information. But the idea of the train job still makes your stomach flip with anxiety as you’ve never robbed anything as big as a train. 

“Well, not exactly. The security that they’re payin the big bucks for won’t be there, but we expect a few armed passengers, and some local boys guardin’ the train for extra cash. It won't be completely unguarded, but it sure as hell won’t be a militia like you’d expect.” 

You nod, taking the map from his hands gently, and looking it over. 

“Where do we board, n’ how are we boardin’ it?” You ask, and John places his index finger over a little area labeled Dewberry Creek, just past the Lemoyne/New Hanover stateline. 

“Here. We’ll have to stop the train, or it’ll take us right into town. I figure we get an oil wagon, ease it over the tracks. When that train comes through and sees that oil? It’ll stop just fine. We board her, encourage those rich bastards to give up their grammy’s pearls and we ride out.” John explains, tucking the map back into his pocket.

“Alright… seems like a solid plan.” You admit, ignoring your gut, “Where do we get a full oil wagon?” You ask, dusting some dirt off of your new jeans. 

“That’s where you come in. Only place I reckon we find one is the oil fields, out in The Heartlands, you know of it?”

You shake your head no, “Uh-uh.”

“Well it's well guarded for the most part, but most of those guys sleep or drink on the job. And they don’t get paid enough to give a damn. I’m heading over now to scout the place out, get an idea of the schedule. Thought maybe you could tag along, put that head to use instead of washin’ clothes for old Susan.”

You raise an eyebrow, unsure if he's just complimented you or insulted you, but still, you nod. 

“Alright. Let me pack some stuff, I’ll meet you by the horses.” 

John nods as you walk back towards your tent. With a sigh, you pull the canvas open. Your saddle bag is sitting on your bed, and you stuff it with some provisions and a change of clothes, then decide that you’ll need to grab some more ammo from Arthur's tent just in case. Once everything is all packed and settled, you swing your saddlebag over your shoulder and head back out. You stop around the back of Arthur’s wagon, picking up a few cases of express bullets and some throwing knives from the makeshift armory. 

“What does she want from him now? I never liked hearin' about her…” Marybeth hisses, and you look up, startled, realizing she is standing in Arthur’s tent. You’re peeking around the back of the wagon, eavesdropping as Marybeth places a crisp white envelope on Arthur’s bedside table.

“I always thought Mary was nice…” Tilly responds, picking up the envelope and looking it over before returning it. 

“Nice like a patch of poison ivy.” Marybeth bites, and Tilly rolls her eyes. 

“You didn’t even know her. Not when she was really around, anyway. She was always kind, just… didn’t agree with our life. Can you blame her?” Tilly sighs, and they walk out of the tent together. 

Your eyebrows pull together, and you walk around the outside of his tent until you're at the entrance. You hum, looking at the envelope before striding through his tent towards it. It’s upside down on his table, and you know you shouldn’t be snooping through his mail, but you pick it up and flip it over regardless. Written in sloppy cursive is ‘Arthur’ and you look after the lettering for a while. The paper is fancy, the kind that is expensive and only available in the city. Your finger trails over the lettering, and it itches to tear the red seal off and read the contents, but you restrain yourself. You know if the roles were reversed Arthur would respect your privacy. Sighing, you place the envelope back and meet John by the horses, wondering who Mary might be the whole way over. John is just climbing into the saddle when you approach. 

“Ready to go?” He asks, settling himself down over Old Boy and checking the straps on his saddlebag.

“Sure.” You mumble, mounting up onto Athena and giving her a nice pat. Once you’re settled, the two of you start cantering out of the trails, nodding to Karen who is keeping watch. Instead of riding towards Valentine, John leads you out towards the Heartlands, into unfamiliar territory for you. You can’t help but think about those men, Milton and Ross, and wonder why in the hell you’re all robbing a train right now.

“Why does Dutch keep pushin’ this job?” You holler up, squeezing Athena to run faster after John.  

“I got no idea.” He yells back to you. Once you run over the tracks the terrain changes from grass to dry, sandy dirt, and you try to keep Athena on the trail to avoid getting any rocks lodged in her shoes. 

“It don’t make sense, we should be leavin. Now I don't want to, not at all, but there was Pinkertons right next to our camp, just a stone's throw away.” You shake your head, unbelieving of Dutch’s terrible call. 

“Do you think they know where we are?” John asks, turning in his saddle a bit as he gallops on. 

“No. No if they knew where we are they would have just came to camp… But still, approachin’ us like that when we had Jack with us? Tellin’ us, in front of him, what happened to Mac? They can all go to hell.” You hiss, and John goes quiet for a minute. All you can hear is hooves pounding as you wait for his response. 

“You and Arthur had Jack?” John asks, like he's angry, but mostly surprised. Your eyebrows draw together, unsure of why it’s a big deal.

“Well, yeah. Abigail asked us to watch him for a bit, just to cheer him up.” You respond as he leads you up the bank towards Citadel Rock. John huffs loudly, rolling his eyes and shaking his head as if he disapproves.

“You got a problem with that?” You bite, noticing the tension in his shoulders, and his quiet, aggressive demeanor.

“She acts like I ain’t there… for her or the boy.” John hisses, shaking his head. It grows quiet again as you think back to Abigail’s pleading tears, begging you to take Jack because John wouldn't.

“Are you?” You ask, with some judgment. John really thinks about your question, slowing Old Boy to a trot as he comes up near the slope of Citadel Rock. He left them, but he came back, that counts for something in his eyes. Surely, it counts in Abigail’s eyes too…. 

“Well yeah!” John says defensively, “Im tryin’... tryin’ to get money for them at least, so she can raise the boy up proper.” John says, stopping his stallion at the edge of the cliff, overlooking The Heartlands. You pull Athena up alongside him, stopping so you can look him in the eyes. 

“Money don’t matter if you ain’t there for ‘em.” You whisper, no harshness or judgment in your eyes, although he takes it with such, pulling back and scrunching up his face in anger. 

“The hells that supposed to mean?” He bites, dropping his reins and throwing an arm in the air towards you. You keep your calm demeanor, only wanting to help the little family. You have no quarrels against John or his parenting, but you’re the one in camp watching Abigail comfort a crying Jack when his daddy isn't there to tuck him in night after night.

“It’s just…” You think over your words, tongue darting out over your lips, “Your boys' real upset, he misses ya John. Abigail won't admit it but she misses you too.” Your wrist rests on the horn of your saddle, toying with the leather reins as you watch John’s face soften. He sighs, eyes downcast as he runs his hand over his face, careful not to catch the healing stitches on his right side.

“You think?” He asks, looking up to you, and you nod your head up and down, sure.

“I don't know what I’m doin’ Star.” John sighs, doubting himself. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be there for Jack and Abigail, he doesn't know how to. He doesn't see himself cut out to be a father or a husband, and he has a hard time believing his family wants him around. 

“None of us do,” You huff a laugh, thinking of your own situation with Arthur, “You just gotta try your best to do right by them.” 

John nods, offering you a small, sad smile as he leans over to tap your knee in thanks. Without another word, but with a mutual understanding, you both dismount your horses. Then it’s time to get down to work. John takes both the horses, and he hitches them down the bank a ways so they can’t be seen from the roads or the fields. As he takes them away, you pull out your binoculars. Crouching, you look through the glass and take in the infamous Heartland Oil Fields. There is one big building, the factory, on the left side of the tracks that run straight through the place. On the right are smaller buildings, you’re presuming bunks, outhouses and storage rooms. The entire place is fenced in, except for where the tracks run through and the main entrance, guarded by two armed men. You search for an oil wagon, and find a few but you’re not sure which are empty or full. Armed guards stand all around the place, and there is a damn moat of oil ponds on the right perimeter. You pull the binoculars down, hearing John return as he walks up beside you. He too is eyeing the factory, face drawn up as he thinks over a plan. 

“How do you reckon we go about this?” You ask, handing him over the binoculars. He takes them, and does the same look around that you’ve just had. 

“We stay here and figure out their routine. They have a checkpoint at the front gate, so if we watch them long enough we’ll know which wagons are full and when. Then we slip in at night, once the workers have gone home. We’ll only have to get past the guards.” John explains and you sigh, nodding. You look up at the sun, holding your fingers up to the horizon. It’s nearly 4PM, you’re gonna be here for a while.

“Why don’t you make us a fire or somethin? And grab my bedroll too. This is uncomfortable as hell.” You ask of him as you plop down on the dirt, taking the first watch. 

— — — — 

“Star?” John mumbles, and you groan, eyelashes fluttering. You curl your knees in tighter until John shakes your shoulder.

“Star, get up. It’s time to go.” John says, and those four words alone pull you from your slumber, it's time to go.

In the past six hours you and John had traded shifts a handful of times, and both picked up the same pattern. A wagon is filled every hour on the hour, and then left for only ten minutes while the guards do their rounds. Once the ten minutes are up, the wagon is taken out the front gate by a heavily armed detail, and sent off. You had suggested earlier that it might be easier to steal the wagon after it leaves the oil fields, but John had said the risk of the oil wagon getting shot would be too high. So you stick with the original plan, leaving you only ten minutes to sneak into the place and sneak out with the wagon. It’ll be hard, but it’s your only option. 

“They just started their rounds, hurry up.” John explains as you scramble to your feet. You notice he has the camp taken down already, and the fire is nothing but smoking ashes as you quickly roll up your bedroll. Quietly whistling for Athena, you wait for her to arrive before strapping down your bedroll and jumping onto her back. The ten minute countdown has already begun as you and John gallop down the hill. 

“Which way do we go in?” You ask, running after John towards the right flank of the fenced oil fields. 

“We're gonna come up on the right side, ditch the horses a ways out, and jump the fence. Wagon should be sitting right there. Then we just drive it right out the front gate.” John hollers back, slowing Old Boy down once you can see the fence. Coyotes yip and howl in The Heartlands, making the night even more eerie as you approach the factory. With the dark and the distance, none of the guards can see your horses as you both dismount and break for the fence. You shoo both horses, signaling them to flee. And then you're running, keeping your breaths controlled and steady as you watch out for any straggling guards. John reaches the fence before you do. It’s not very high and he easily jumps over it. 

“C’mon!” John whispers as you throw yourself over the fence, landing painfully on your ankle with a wince. He grabs your elbow, pulling you along with him. Once you're inside, you take a look around to get your bearings. You see a few swinging lanterns in the distance, all guards on watch, but none of them look in your direction. Most of the lanterns near the bunk houses have been snuffed out for the night, leaving you to the shadows. You turn in the other direction and see exactly what you're looking for.

“Right there!” You whisper, pointing ahead to the wagon. It’s pulled in front of one of the tents, and John helps you run towards it. Two white shire horses are hooked up to the wagon, and you’re glad to see that they’re strong and agile. 

“Go on, get up there. I’ll drive.” John says, hushed as he breaks away from you to get on the left side of the wagon. You’re not sure how much time you have, but surely it’s not much. Your heart pumps loudly in your ears as you climb up the side of the wagon, ignoring the slight pain in your ankle. John clambers up, and just as he reaches the bench seat you hear a low, deep growl. You snap your head around to catch the source and the blood runs from your face at the sight of a massive bloodhound. A guard dog. His jaw snaps as he snarls at you with a warning. 

“John…?” You whisper, so quietly that he barely hears. He turns and sees the dog, and his eyes flicker from it to the guards walking on the other side of the factory. The dog's hackles are raised as it snarls, showing its teeth. You know that if it barks, or alerts the guards in any way, you’ll both be caught. John shushes it and slowly starts to roll the wagon away, quietly cueing the horses onward. The dog snarls again, snapping its jaws as you quietly ride the wagon away. 

“What do we do? What if it alerts someone?” You whisper, heart racing. If the dog alerts a single guard, you’ll have every person in the facility shooting at you. 

“I don’t know, drive like hell, I guess.” John offers as you watch the dog. John has the horses going at a nice trot towards the entrance, and sweat runs down your brow as the dog runs after the wagon. You’re just about to breach the front gate when it happens- when the bloodhound does what bloodhounds do. It bays, and it bays loud. 

"What is it boy? What ya find?" Someone hollers, and a lantern flicks on in one of the tents. John flicks the reins over the horse's backs harshly and they pick up a canter towards the front gate. 

“Shit!" You hiss as the dog continues, head tossed up in the air as guards start to come out and find the disturbance. One man comes out from a tent, still in pajamas with a rifle in hand. Your eyes widen as he stares directly at you. 

“Right there! They’re takin’ a wagon!” The barely clothed man yells, and John curses as he smacks the horses with the reins again, and they take off. More guards and workers seem to come out and see you all escaping, and everyone readies their rifles. John steers the horses out the main gate just as bullets start to whiz past your head. 

“Stop them!” Another guard calls out, “Get the damn law!” 

Bullets ping against the wooden wheels of the wagon, and buzz through the air past your head. You lean your head down to protect yourself as you grab your carbine from around your shoulder, good thing you grabbed those bullets. 

“Shoot somethin’!” John yells, maneuvering the horses along the roads in the direction of Dewberry Creek. 

“Im tryin!” You yell back, loading your carbine before popping up and taking down two guards who were shooting from behind the fence. A few bullets ping against the side of the wagon, and you gasp, realizing how quickly it could go up in flames. You pop up from the bench again, and fire into the chests of three men who were running after the wagon.

“Watch the damn oil, you morons!” One of the guards yells to his men. You shoot down three more men before you have to reload again. John is getting you further from the oil fields, and the flashing of gunfire gets farther away until two riders come out after the wagon. You’re still filling up the magazine when they ride up on you, and John ducks, yelling something. A few more bullets whiz passed before you stand up and shoot both men down from their horses. You pant, ducking as three more riders gallop after you both. John has the horses running at a dizzying pace as you stand, taking down two men. You're extra careful not to shoot or hurt the rider's horses as you come up and shoot the last man. 

“Is that the last of them?” John yells as you pant, wiping sweat from your brow and slumping back into your seat. 

“Yeah, that's all.” You breathe heavily, tossing your carbine strap back over your shoulder. You whistle, and turn around to watch for Athena. John does the same, and luckily after a few minutes, both come running behind the wagon. 

“Where we takin’ this again? I know you said the creek, but specifically?” You ask, taking your hat off and setting it in your lap to untie your braid. You pull the cloth tie out, running your fingers through the waves that are now down your back. 

“We’re droppin’ it near this torn down house. I’ll leave the horses go and we'll come back for it when the train comes through.” John explains, and you nod. 

It’s a bit of a ride, especially with the pace you go at. The horses are exhausted and scared from the shootout, so John doesn’t push them past a trot. It's nice to just relax in the passenger seat, and you focus on the humming of bugs and frogs while your heartbeat settles. It's a cloudy night, the kind where a cold fog settles over the place, but you don't mind. It's still beautiful. The moon pokes through the fog in a hazy glow, offering some light for John to lead you to Dewberry Creek. He winds the wagons down the open hills until you reach a small trail along a big dried up creek bed. 

"Guess the creek ain't fairin' so well." You point out, watching as coyotes yip and run through the dried up creek. 

"Guess not." John offers, pulling the wagons toward a structure. It looks like a little house that burned down. The foundation is intact, along with the fireplace and support beams, but the rest has burned away. 

"We pull them off right here." John says, turning the horses to walk in between the house and a patch of trees. He starts to slow them down, and you hop from the wagon before it stops. Immediately you jog around the backside to check the cargo. 

"Shit, John! Shit!" You hiss, taking in the oil wagon that is riddled with random bullet holes. There's about five or six, and no more oil leaks from them. You knock on the side of the wagon as John jumps down, groaning when the wagon sounds hollow. 

"All the oils' gone." You sigh, rubbing your face as John paces around the backside of the wagon. Athena grows antsy from the upset, and she stomps and rears lightly. 

"Now what the hell do we do?" You ask angrily, calling Athena over to comfort her. You hand her an oatcake to munch on and stroke her neck as John comes up with a plan. Athena's gentle nickers calm you down, and you take a deep breath as she leans into your hand. John is standing back from the wagon, hands on his hips as he thinks it over.

"It'll work just the same. The conductor won't know if it's full or not." John says, biting his cheek and you sigh. 

"We can't just go get another one." John huffs, "That oil factory is on high alert now." 

"You're sure it'll work?" You ask, stepping towards him with raised eyebrows.

"It'll work." He reassures you. You nod, sighing and waking towards the front of the wagon where the two white shire horses are hooked up. John does the same on the other side, and you both slice the leather harness straps, freeing the horses. 

"When's it comin' through?" You ask, patting the shire horse to run off. 

"Tomorrow night." John says, and your stomach aches at the thought. Only twenty four hours until your first train job. 

Athena and Old Boy are grazing next to each other just a short walk away from the wagon, and you and John silently walk towards them, sheathing your knives and watching as the pair of white shire horses run up over the hill, bucking and whinnying.

"You ever rob a train before?" John asks, looking over at your anxious expression. You shake your head, coming up to Athena. 

"No, afraid not. Just drunken idiots usually." You chuckle, and John smiles. 

"Y'know I'm glad it was Arthur's watch you stole, and not mine back in Tumbleweed. I probably never would have noticed, and you'd still be runnin' all over hell in the west." John chuckles, and you smile at the memory, mounting onto Athena. 

"Still can't believe he brought ya back like he did, but I'm glad for it." John says, climbing onto his stallion. Your eyebrows pull together lightly at his remark.

"Why's that?" You ask, cueing Athena into a canter with John behind you.

"Arthur, he ain't never brought someone back to camp before you, and he throws a big fuss when someone new comes in. He gets all pissed and leaves for a few days. He says it's 'easier to lie low with less people.' Musta seen somethin' in you, though." John hollers up to you, and your features soften. You wonder why Arthur chose differently for you, why he brought you back to camp. 

"He's different with you." John says, galloping alongside you, and you have to push Athena further ahead to hide the blush on your cheeks. You want to quip something back, but you come up short because you know he's right. You've heard the same testament from each of the girls, Hosea, and Arthur himself. 

It grows quiet as you gallop through The Heartlands, avoiding the roads and any lingering lawmen. It's late, near midnight when you finally get close to camp. You can hear the cheers and laughter from the road, and you smile back at John.

"Guess they found him." You chuckle, trotting Athena under the fallen tree into camp. When you breach the trees, coming into the little opening, the sight has you laughing. Camp is lighter than it's been in a while. Sean is standing on a crate giving some grand speech with everyone gathered around, and by the sound of it he's already drunk. You hitch Athena, and John nudges your elbow. 

"Reckon I'm gonna go be with my family. Thanks for your help." John pats your back before walking off towards the camp. You smile, taking off the straps of Athena's saddle and placing it over the hitching post before walking towards the crowd.

"Get a load of this bastard." Arthur huffs, walking up beside you with two whiskeys in hand, gesturing to Sean. He hands you a drink, and you smile, glad to be home. 

"Found him strung up in a damn tree surrounded by bounty hunters." 

"A-and I owe my life to old English over 'tere!" Sean points to Arthur, "Yep, 'tats right! Old grumpy Arthur Morgan! Come to save me, ya did! You're my brother, ya arsehole!" Sean laughs heartily, jumping down from the crate and approaching the two of you. 

"Miss!" Sean calls out to you, and Arthur chuckles, sipping his drink. Sean comes to you with a big toothless grin, a contagious one, and wraps you in a hug.

"Ah, I've already got the gossip from Ms. Jones, callin ya Star now, eh?" Sean asks, letting you go before nudging you with his elbow, "It's fittin! Y'know they say you twose are tied together like glue!" Sean winks at you lightly, nudging you and gesturing to Arthur. 

"I know a couple good spots for a shag if you two need a getaway. N' I know an Irishman if you get tired a' this ol'-" Sean starts, pointing to Arthur, but Arthur has had enough.

"Would you please shut up?" Arthur bites, hand pulling away from the bridge of his nose as you giggle. Sean puts his hands up in mock surrender. 

"I was just teasin'! Only pullin' yer leg!" Sean chuckles, tipping his hat to you before backing away and rejoining the crowd. 

"I did not miss that kid." Arthur sighs, leading you towards the campfire where Javier sits, playing a tune. Everyone is in good spirits, especially as Hosea enters with Dutch and two huge, full cases of alcohol, announcing the return party. 

"Yes you did." You tell Arthur, smirking as he sits down on the wolf pelt covered log. You sit down right next to him, closer than what's expected, but you're growing used to the proximity, finding comfort in it even. Sean is talking loudly to the girls as everyone gathers around the crates of hooch. The bottles pass around quickly as Javier picks up a new tune. It's one that everyone knows, and you smile. 

"Cielito Lindo." You remark with a chuckle as Javier picks up the rhythm on his guitar. More people gather around the fire. Dutch, John, the girls, Uncle, Lenny, even Abigail and Jack join in as Javier starts to play. Jack sits on John's lap, nestled right next to Abigail, and you smile at them. 

"¡Ay, ay, ay, ay! ¡Canta y no llores!" Everyone hollers out, not sure of the lyrics or their meaning, but enjoying the energetic song. Even Arthur sings along, and you giggle at his steadily behind, off key tune. 

"¡Porque cantando se alegran, Cielito lindo, los corazones!" Javier sings out, passionately stringing the guitar as a few people clap along and laugh. The smile on your face is brighter than it's been in a while as you watch the weight lift off of the gang's shoulders. Arthur is smiling, and for that you are very grateful. You'd do anything to see him like this more often, carefree and happy. Javier continues the song verse, and everyone claps along until the chorus comes. 

"¡Ay, ay, ay, ay! ¡Canta y no llores!" Everyone calls out again, and you hold your drink up a little as you sing it. Javier continues the song, and you chuckle as Jack pulls Abigail up from her seat to dance with him. He spins around and hops with very little rhythm, just having fun. Arthur chuckles beside you, eyes bright as they lay upon the same scene. 

"You want another drink?" Arthur asks, noticing that your first is nearly gone. You shake your head. 

"No thanks, think I'm cuttin' myself off for the night." You say, handing the bottle over for him to finish. 

"I'm surprised you drank at all after that mess in Valentine." Arthur chuckles as Javier sings out the song's verse. 

"I only had one. Don't plan on bein' that sick ever again, and we got one hell of a job to do tomorrow." You whisper, mind lingering on the train job. You'd like to drink, just to forget about it, but heading into it with a foggy mind is the opposite of what you need. Arthur sighs, digging the heel of his boot into the dirt. 

"We do." He remarks, eyes flickering up to Dutch. Arthur can't understand why Dutch is pushing this job right now with the Pinkertons so close. But he trusts Dutch, and knows he'll lead them out of it. You're not so sure. Dutch is watching you from across camp, a snake-like glint in his eye. You can see the way he wants to use you, to play you like his chess piece and defeat some great power. It's useless, it's ridiculous. An outlaw runs from the law, but Dutch is challenging it, intentionally aggravating it. It's a dangerous game. 

"I got a bad feeling about this job, Arthur." You bring up that gut feeling again, and you know you're right. You don't trust this job, and something is going to go wrong. 

"I know you do… You and John get that wagon today?" Arthur asks as Javier picks up a different song on his guitar. 

"We got the wagon just fine, but it's empty. We were caught red handed and they shot it to hell, all the oil leaked out." You sigh, embarrassed to admit the failure to Arthur, "John says it'll work just fine though, the conductor won't know if it's empty or not." You add as Arthur curses. 

"Enough about that, why don't we just enjoy the party?" You ask, wanting to talk about anything other than the train job and the damn empty wagon. Arthur taps your knee with his knuckles. 

"Sure." He says, offering you a small smile and you release a breath. Javier is playing a new song now, one you don't recognize, but it's a joyful tune, light and happy. 

"Arthur!" Marybeth calls from across the fire, giggling and trodding over towards you both with a big, bright smile. 

"Yes, Miss Gaskill?" Arthur asks as Marybeth comes forward and grabs one of his hands. 

"Dance with me?" She asks, leaning back in an attempt to pull him from his seat. He chuckles, looking over to you for a moment with a rosy blush on his cheeks.

"Oh, I think I'll sit this one out-" Arthur starts, but you shove him upwards by his shoulder, laughing. 

"Go on!" You encourage, shooing them with your hands. Marybeth giggles as she pulls Arthur away, and he turns around to shoot you a glare, with pink cheeks. You chuckle, looking after them as she takes him away from the fire. She pulls him just near the back of Dutch's tent, beside the poker table. He takes her hand, standing awkwardly far from her as the other rests on her waist. You can't help but snort as he starts to dance.

He's awful. Truly the man can't dance, but it's just another quirk that you love about him. He swings side to side with her, arms loosely flinging about, and even though it looks ridiculous they both have huge smiles. A few others have joined, and now Dutch spins Molly around eloquently, and Karen and Sean cling to each other, drunk as ever. Your eyebrows pop up in surprise at the two of them. You had only seen Sean in passing before Blackwater, but Karen had never mentioned they were together. 

Your eyes flicker back to Arthur and Marybeth. They still dance merrily, but Marybeth seems to be scolding Arthur over something, arguing with him. Your eyebrows pull together as he huffs, bickering with her like a sibling would. Javier's song crescendos to an end, and as the claps die down, he starts a new one. You recognize it immediately, Ángel de Amor. It's a slower paced song, a sweet and romantic one. People join their own conversations as the song begins, leaving Javier to quietly carry the tune on his own. As it begins, Marybeth and Arthur's argument seems to come to a head as Marybeth gives him one final scold, and then walks away from him with a big smile. Confused, your eyebrows pull together as Arthur returns to you, but he doesn't sit down. He stands in front of you, extending his right hand down to yours. 

"Dance wit' me?" He asks, and you chuckle. 

"I don't know, you gonna trip me?" You ask, smiling up at him. The nervousness breaks away as he chuckles. 

"Not tonight." He says, and you take his hand, letting him pull you to your feet. 

"C'mon." He whispers, leading you past the campfire towards the front of his tent, far enough away from the campfire for some privacy.

Arthur pulls you into the same goofy dance as he did with Marybeth, and you smile brightly. Arthur's sure that your smile could outshine the stars, evoking that joy from you is one of the better things he's done in his life, something he wants to keep doing. 

"¿Quién te cortó las alas, mi ángel? ¿Quién te arranco los sueños hoy?" Javier sings softly as Arthur dances with you. 

"Y'know, I'm sorry to say this Arthur, but you can't dance for shit." You chuckle, glancing down at his feet that move with very little rhythm. 

"Oh I can. I'm just havin' fun. You shoulda seen me in my ballroom days." Arthur quips, and you laugh. You're sure he's joking, how Arthur could willingly be put in a ballroom is beyond you, it's surely a joke. Arthur raises an eyebrow at your laugh, wondering if you're seriously doubting him.

"You weren't never in a ballr-" You start, but are cut off with your own gasp as Arthur pulls you tightly against him. His hand snakes to your waist, his other clasps your hand tightly as he stands up straight and tall with a raised eyebrow. His body is stiff, but relaxed all the like, he's collected in his movements, experienced, as he leans you down, dipping you. Your eyes are wide in shock, as he holds you in the dip with a cocky smirk. Your heart rate pounds with him pulled so tightly against you, your neck exposed and hair cascading down as he bends you backwards. Then he brings you back up, chuckling. 

"You continue to surprise me more and more every day, Arthur." You chuckle, still in disbelief, "Where in the hell did you learn that?" You ask, heart beat returning to normal as he pulls you against him again, swaying you in a very simple slow dance. 

"Had to take lessons once when I was younger. Didn't care for it at all, but I was an idiot back then." Arthur says, and you hum, wondering if these fancy dancing lessons have anything to do with the letter in his tent.

"Ángel, Ángel, ángel de amor. No te abandones." Javier continues the song as Arthur pulls you a little closer to him, hand warm on your waist.

Your cheeks flush, hidden away in his chest as Arthur sways with you on the grass. A few eyes linger on you both, but Arthur turns your back to them so you never know. He's enjoying the moment. You haven't left yet, haven't walked away with blushed cheeks or made an excuse as to why you can't dance with him, and that has to count for something he's sure.

 It grows quiet between the two of you as you rest your head against his shoulder and sway with him. Soon your arm grows tired, so Arthur snakes both of his around your waist and you place yours on his chest. It's incredibly vulnerable for you to be like this, but you trust Arthur. He hasn't pushed you. Abigail nudges John across the camp, nodding her head to you, and a few more eyes linger on you both. Arthur ignores them, keeping you in a position so that you can't even see the nosey stares. 

"You look beautiful." Arthur whispers, eyes looking down at you, watching as the wind tousles your hair and your dark red shirt brings out your complexion beautifully. Your eyes sparkle up at him, but you blush and hide them away in his shoulder as he sways you to the music.

"Arthur, stop." You chastise, cheeks red as you hide them. You're a bit upset that he's ruined the mood, taken your mind from simple dancing to the conundrum of your heart. He hums deeply, nodding his head. 

"You ain't ready yet, I know… I'll wait 'til you are. For you, I will." Arthur whispers, and tears begin to pool in your eyes, "And if you decide you don't want any a' this, that's okay too. I'm still your best friend." Arthur whispers, and tears run down your face silently, soaking into his dark shirt. 

"I'll dance with you for real one day, somewhere nice." Arthur whispers, and you look up to his green eyes. They soften when they see the tears falling from your own. You're thinking of a proper response when Arthur speaks up for you. 

"S'okay. You don't gotta say anything." Arthur whispers, thumb wiping away the tears from your cheek. You sniffle, hands clinging to the lapels of his shirt as the music continues on for a bit longer. 

"Yo no siento el que me hayas querido. Yo no siento el que me hayas amado." Javier sings, strumming his guitar. 

Arthur's heart aches, holding you like this, swaying with you and knowing you won't allow yourself to open up. He places his chin atop your head, inhaling deeply before letting the breath go with his worries. You're here now, that's all he can ask for.

Your heart aches just the same. It's torn in two,  both sides fighting for different things. One is fighting for what you know: independence, freedom, and solitude in the west without being held down by a gang. And the other is fighting for what you want: family and friendships, the safety of numbers, purpose and most of all him. 

You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut while blocking the thoughts out, letting yourself enjoy the moment. 

"I'm sorry, Arthur." You whisper, and he leans back, unsure if he's heard you right. 

"What on earth are you apologizin' for?" He asks as Javier's song comes to a bittersweet end. 

"Me… us." You whisper, gesturing to him and yourself. You're a mess, unable to get your feelings in order, unable to figure out what you want, and to tell him. You feel awful, dragging him along without ever fully opening up to him but it's so hard. 

Arthur takes your hands in his own, and you look up to his eyes. 

"Cut that out. Don't you apologize to me, ya hear? Not for this." Arthur says, no room for argument and you nod. 

"Now c'mon. Plenty of people waitin' for us at the fire." Arthur says, pulling you by the hand towards the camp. You pass by John's tent, feeling a little better.

With a small smile on your lips, you walk on with him. That is until you hear a shuffling from John's tent, and a groan. You stop dead in your tracks, looking up to where John and Abigail sit next to Jack by the fire. If they're at the campfire… who's in their tent?

"C'mere ya little minx!" Sean chuckles from inside the tent. Your jaw drops, and your hand falls slack from Arthur's. He turns at your reaction, catching the same scene. 

"Isn't this John's tent?" Karen asks, and you hear the ripping of buttons immediately. You look at Arthur with wide eyes, and a slack jaw, chuckling in horror.

"Eh, it's not like he's usin' it anyways!" Fabric hits the floor as you and Arthur stare at the closed tent in shock, "Ah, you're beautiful Karen Jones, beautiful, I love ya! And I love these too!" Sean chuckles and your cheeks burn red.

"Oh." Karen whispers, disappointed in something as you start to laugh. 

"Meet Macguire junior!" Sean hollers, and immediately Arthur clasps his hand over your mouth to quiet the loud laughter that was about to fall from it. 

"Is- is that it?" Karen asks, and you're nearly wheezing as Arthur keeps his hand over your mouth, chuckling himself until you're out of earshot from their tent. 

"Oh my god." You laugh until tears form in your eyes, and Arthur is laughing as well. You've managed to escape in front of Arthur's tent to avoid the show those two are putting on. Once your laughter dies down, you wipe your eyes, moving them to the campfire once more. 

Abigail has taken Jack into her lean-to next to Strauss's wagon to lie down for the night, and some of the girls along with Dutch and Molly have retired for bed. 

"You comin' back to the fire?" Arthur asks, following your gaze. You look up to him, then to the festivities, biting your cheek. 

"I think I'm gonna go to bed, actually." You whisper, feeling bad for bailing so soon. You're exhausted from the oil wagon today, and you want to be well rested for tomorrow. Arthur’s face falls a bit as he glances at the party behind him, then to his pocket watch. 

"So soon?" Arthur asks, looking a little disappointed. 

"I'm sorry Arthur, it's just with the train tomorrow… I want to be well rested with a clear head." You whisper. 

"I understand." He whispers, it's past one in the morning, and he knows you're tired, "I reckon I'll stay up for a bit yet, keep these boys in line… Get some sleep, Star." Arthur whispers, coming forward to gently chastise you, tapping your temple, "and stop worryin' about the train. It'll go just fine." He offers with a smile before backing away. 

"Night Arthur." You mumble, attempting to follow his instructions and release your anxieties. 

"G'night, Star."

— — — — 

The next morning, you wake up earlier than expected. You don't know what time it is, still haven't replaced Arthur's pocket watch from where it was left behind in Blackwater. But it's quiet enough for you to know that no one else is up. You stretch in bed, enjoying the feel as your achy joints pop. You flex your ankle, noticing that the ache has subsided from your less than stellar landing yesterday, and then you're getting up.

You pull on a dark green overshirt, one of your favorites, a black pair of jeans that button up the whole way, and a little white neckerchief, tied in the front. It's a cute outfit, and you hum, checking yourself over before re braiding your hair and topping it with your black hat. Then you're on the move, in search of some coffee. 

You find that you were wrong, you're not the only one up. You chuckle as Jack whizzes up to you, more excited than you've ever seen. 

"Aunt Star!" He jumps excitedly, taking your hand and pointing to the hitching posts, "look!" He shouts, giggling. 

Your eyebrows knit together at the sight of Kieran taking on the role of the camp farrier. He has a very grumpy Balius with him, and he's working on pulling the nails from the shire's massive shoe. 

"Kieren's shoin' the horses…? You ask, confused as to why Jack's so excited, then a chuckle sounds out from your right. Arthur is leaning over his shaving station, face partially covered in shaving cream as he trims his mustache and beard with a barber's blade. You smile at the sight, something you've not seen him do before. Of course he shaves with an incredible amount of detail and care, just like everything else he does. 

"Well…" Arthur taps the blade against his pail of water before returning it to his cheek, "when Kieran's done, little Jack here will have four new shoes for playin' horseshoes' with everyone. We haven't been able to play in a long while, not since before you joined us." Arthur explains, and you smile at the idea. 

"Well then I can't wait!" You say, rubbing some dirt off of Jack's cheek before he runs off, on his way to tell his very hungover daddy about the ordeal. 

"You're good with him. He really seems to care about you." Arthur remarks and you smile. 

"Ah, it's nothin'. He's a good kid." You mumble, remembering your earlier task of needing coffee, and you spot the percolator from across camp near Pearson's stew pot. You wonder if it's even full, with so few of the gang members awake. 

"I'm gonna go make some coffee, want some?" You ask, but Arthur stops you.

"Already made ya some. It's sittin on my table, should still be hot." He says, wiping the extra cream from his face with a damp towel.

"On the ball this morning, are we?" You ask, chuckling as you move inside his tent to find a steaming tin cup of coffee. You gratefully accept the bitter coffee, enjoying the way the cup warms your hands and the caffeine wakes your mind. 

"Well I need a favor." He asks, turning towards you, "Ride with me?" 

You raise an eyebrow at him, seeing that he's bribed you, but you nod anyway. 

"Sure, where to?" You ask as he comes around the side of his tent, leading you to the large map plastered to the side of his wagon. 

"Think right here is a good spot." He taps the map right over a little marshy field labeled Heartland Overflow.  

"Why are we goin' all the way out there?" You ask, eyeing over the map. The marsh is near a spot marked Emerald Ranch, a place you haven't heard of before. 

"There's a feller nearby that runs a fence. I managed to steal some stuff from the camp where they had Sean, reckon I'll head down and sell it off. Then I figure me n' you can spend the mornin' there. I know you're worried about this train, we can just rest away from camp till it's time." Arthur explains, pulling out his hunting knife to sharpen the blade as he does. 

"Okay, that sounds nice." You smile, releasing a breath before taking a sip from your coffee, "Should I take my stuff for the train or will we be back?" You ask, gesturing to your tent. 

He follows your gaze, thinking for a moment. 

"Ya better take it, I don't know how long we'll be out." He mumbles, and you nod before walking back towards your tent. Amidst your anxieties, you had packed everything you might need for the train: your guns, mask, canned goods in case you get stuck away from camp, extra ammo and the shotgun you'd found at Six Point cabin. Looking over your bed and nightstand just to make sure you haven't missed something, you back out of the tent. 

"Kieran done with Balius?" You ask, keeping your voice quiet as to not wake up the many sleeping, hungover gang members. 

"Looks to be just about." Arthur says, nodding to where Kieran drops Balius's back hoof to the ground, giving him a pat. 

"C'mon then. I'll lead the way." He adds. 

You both take your time tacking up the horses. For once, there's no rush to be anywhere. You brush Athena's golden coat thoroughly, petting her and sneaking her treats while Arthur does the same for his stallion. You ease the saddle on her, tightening the cinches just enough before mounting up. 

"Ready?" You ask, looking down to Arthur with a chuckle as he is just putting Balius's bridle on.

"Just a minute." He says, rather grumpily. And you wait for him, loosening your reins so that Athena can graze while he clambers up onto his massive horse. Once he's up, he nods for you to follow him out of camp. It's a decently long ride. Emerald Ranch is pretty far out there, but it's close to Dewberry Creek, so at least you won't be far from the train come dark. You focus on the scenery, watching the way the landscape changes the further you ride on. As you get closer, the jutting cliffs turn to grassy plains, and bison cause the ground to shake as they thunder across the fields. 

"Are we close?" You holler up to Arthur. Your back is a little sore from the long ride, and you slip your feet out of the stirrups to give your legs rest. 

"Sure…  Why? You feelin alright?" Arthur turns in his saddle, glancing over your form to check. Really you don't feel alright. You didn't sleep much last night, truthfully you're not sure how Arthur is awake because he slept less than you. You're still not able to shake your nerves either. 

"Yeah, just tired is all." You semi lie, but Arthur isn't fooled. 

"I'll take you to the Overflow first. You can set us up a proper picnic while I run this stuff down to the fence. Sound good?" Arthur asks, turning Balius off the main road. 

"Yeah. You brought a picnic?" You smile, noticing that Arthur's saddlebags are bulkier than usual. You should have noticed earlier that they're stuffed to the brim. 

"I did. Nothin' fancy but I figured you might get hungry while we're out here." Arthur answers, and you chuckle, wondering what treats he's packed for you. You trot through the grass, coming upon a little collection of grassy ponds. This must be Heartland Overflow. It's beautiful, and wildlife runs about, scattering at the sound of the horse's hooves. 

"Why don't you take my bag n' find us a nice spot?" Arthur asks as you ride up alongside Balius. He turns in his saddle, untying the knots that hold his saddle bag on before slumping it over Athena's croup. 

"Okay. Don't take too long or I'm gonna be havin' this all for myself." You admit, chuckling as you turn Athena away, separating from Arthur. 

Arthur shakes his head with a smile before pushing Balius into a canter towards a green-roofed barn in the distance. Once he's down the other side of the hill and you can't see him any longer, you turn to your surroundings. 

Across the pond is a large weeping willow. It provides a perfect amount of shade, and makes a beautiful spot for the morning. You kiss to Athena, urging her to walk through the ankle deep water toward the other side. Water splashes up and soaks onto your boots as Athena trots through it, enjoying the coolness on her legs. Once you're on the other side, under the weeping willow, you slide down from your mare. You don't bother to hitch her. She trusts you enough to come when you call, and you want her to enjoy the grassy fields while she can. You take the heavy saddle bag and toss it to the ground under the willow before sitting on your knees to go through it. 

First you take out a blanket, it's a big blue one, and you stand to spread it out on the grass. The wind works to your advantage as you sprawl it out, making a perfect cushion for you both to sit on. Then, seated on the blanket, you pull out two cans of peaches, two bread rolls, a can of strawberries, two slices of beef jerky, and a chocolate bar. You eye the food hungrily, laying it out nice for when Arthur comes back. Then, just to double check, you reach back into the bag. Your fingers brush against an unfamiliar smooth texture, and your eyebrows pull together as you grip it, taking it out. 

Immediately your eyes go wide as, from the bag, you bring out Arthur's journal. You hold the precious book in your lap, looking down to the heavily used pages before looking up at the ridge.

You shouldn't… but Arthur won't be back for some time and you really want to know what he's written. You've only seen the contents of his journal once, back when he showed you in Horseshoe. 

Releasing a breath, you curse yourself, deciding just to flip to one page and then put it back. You run your thumb across the pages, flipping to one of the more recent entries. Immediately you smile, chuckling as your eyes run across the page briefly. It's a drawing of you and Lenny. He's leaning on the bar, drinking a beer and you're dancing in front of the pianist. Arthur had managed to capture the moment perfectly, as if he had paused time and drawn it. You scan down your smiling face, looking back to you in the form of Arthur's sketching. Even in the drawing you can see the drunken haze in your eyes, the freedom as you danced to the piano to your heart's content. 

Then your eyes flicker to the other side of the page where a neatly written entry is scribbled diagonally on the paper. 

In some ways I hope I never forget this night. In others, I wish to wipe it from my mind entirely. It seems that alcohol loosened Star's lips, and I guess it loosened mine too. I just hope I don't come to regret the things I said, the things I remember at least. 

You look up from the journal, jaw slack as you attempt to remember what happened that night. What had you said? What had Arthur said? 

You swallow thickly, looking down to the journal with some worry before flipping to the next page. 

Mary sent me a letter. Said she's in town and heard talk of us in Valentine. She wants to see me, said she misses what we had. I used to. I used to miss her a lot, but I reckon that's all old business now. I think I've finally put Mary in the past, moved on after all these goddamn years. I got some hope now, something good for once. 

You look up from the journal with your jaw open again. His journal has left you with more questions than answers, and you huff. Mary clearly meant something to Arthur at one point, perhaps an old fling? But the girls knew of her, so she had to mean something more. 

With a newfound sour mood, you tuck Arthur's journal back into his bag. Is it jealousy you feel? Or anger? You're not sure, but without having met her, Mary manages to get under your skin. You wonder if she's pretty, and if she has the money to wear nice dresses and makeup. Then you sigh, frustrated. Even though his journal is stuffed back into his bag, you can feel its leather cover burning into your skin, bugging you. 

Hooves sound out from the ridge line, and you look up to see Arthur appear over the hill. He's cantering down towards you, satchel lighter now that he's pawned off some items. Even though you're glad he's back, you can't help the annoyed curiosity that bubbles up in your stomach. 

Oblivious, Arthur rides up to the blanket before dismounting. 

"Good spot." He says, sending Balius off after grabbing a flask from his satchel, "Turns out old Seamus sells too." Arthur chuckles, tossing the moonshine flask down onto the blanket by your legs. 

Attempting to crack a smile, you take the flask and unscrew the lid. Arthur rests down on the blanket beside you, sitting just a few inches from you. Once the lid is undone, you take a swig of the alcohol. It burns, more so than anything you've ever drank, and you cough, throat raw from the stuff. 

"Jesus." You cough, handing the flask back to Arthur. 

"Moonshine. Nasty stuff." Arthur jokes, taking a drink from the same flask. He doesn't seem to mind it, only groaning once it's down. Arthur sees the distant look on your face, he notices that you haven't touched any of the food laid out either. 

"You okay?" Arthur asks, a little crease in between his eyebrows. You look upset, and Arthur hopes that you're not worrying about the train. 

"Who's Mary?" You blurt out, not even realizing you've actually said it out loud until Arthur's face draws up. 

"What?" Arthur asks, looking almost offended, and very surprised. 

"I asked you, who's Mary?" You repeat, looking up to Arthur. Your tone is irritated, and you realize that you're ruining the picnic, but you can't bring yourself to stop. You're mad, mad because Arthur has managed to keep this from you, and apparently you're the only one in the damn gang that doesn't know about her. 

"How do you even know about Mary?" Arthur scoffs, eyes squinted as he leans back from you. 

"Jesus, I didn't realize she was a secret. I guess I just wanna know why she's callin' you out to her house all the sudden when I haven't even heard of her before." You bite. 

Arthur's demeanor changes then, shifting to the angry, threatening man that you've only seen a handful of times in action. Part of you wants to shy away, but you push your shoulders back and meet him head on with the same stubborn aggression. 

"Did you read my damn mail?" Arthur hisses, glancing at you, and then down to the bag at your side. Everything seems to click in his head then, and he huffs humorlessly. 

"No. No you read my goddamn journal, didn't you? Just couldn't keep your nosey eyes off them pages huh?" He bites, picking up the bag just to toss it at your feet. The contents spill out in your lap, and his open journal falls out alongside the candies he had brought for you, the yellow ones. 

"Y'know I hope you read it all. I hope you read every damn page, cause then you won't have to ask anymore questions. We wouldn't be playin this damn game…" Arthur hisses, pacing as he begins to berate you. "Why do you have the right to ask me about Mary when you haven't told me shit about your past? You can't even talk to me. You can't open up at all, closed off like a damn bottle, but you have no problem pryin' into everybody else's lives!" He growls, waiting for you to bite back.

On the ground, feeling like a fool, your lip trembles. You know he's right. He's hit the nail right on the head with his assumption, but it hurts nonetheless. You've stepped too far, you know, but it doesn't stop Arthur from overstepping too. 

"Heard you was pryin' into John's business too. God- you're a hypocrite. Did you think at all about your inability to handle your own shit before you went and did that?" Arthur fumes, and you bring your knees up to your chin. Arthur is waiting for your retort, for your comeback. He knows it'll come, but with his back to you, waiting, it doesn't. You always have a retort, and your silence is louder than any insult you could have thrown back at him. When he turns back towards you, already realizing he's crossed a boundary, he sees the tear track running down your cheek.

"Don't." You whisper, sniffling back the tears that fall so often now, "I can take this from anyone but you." You whimper, head falling to your knees. 

When Arthur's eyes land upon you he doesn't know what to do. You look so small, crumpled up on the ground, a mess. He wants to argue with you, to be mad about the journal, but at the same time he wants to comfort you. He knows what you're battling right now, and he knows he shouldn't have brought it up. Feeling like an ass, Arthur slumps to the ground at your side again. He lays back against the blanket, looking up at the sky before sighing. 

"Mary was my fiancé. Long time ago. Ain't talked to her in years." Arthur admits, and you peek up from your knees, wondering what sparked the change in his tone. 

"Now that's all I'm giving you until you tell me somethin too. But for now, eat somethin. We gotta get movin soon." Arthur says, coldly. 

— — — —

It's nearly dark. There's just enough light for you to make the trip over to Dewberry Creek. You lead the way silently, still not having said a word to Arthur since the argument. You don't know what to say. Apologies aren't exactly your strong suit. You're mad. Mad at Arthur, but mostly mad at yourself for ruining the day with your selfishness, your hypocrisy as Arthur put it. 

You can hear Sean rambling as you approach the old building, and you trot Athena up to where the wagon is hidden. 

"Why the hell are you here?" Arthur snaps at Sean, clearly still irritated from earlier. You've put him in a sour mood, one that everyone is going to have to deal with. 

"Oi I’m just taggin along! Back for a day n’ already jumpin inta the action! My da always used to say that jumpin in was better than jumpin’ out! But I think he was talkin about gettin some arse!" Sean chuckles, not skipping a beat over Arthur's attitude. 

"Oh, shut up." Charles groans, and at the sound of his voice you notice him leaning against one of the beams of the burned down house. John is already in the driver's side of the wagon, and Taima and Old Boy are hooked up to the front. You dismount, walking over to the wagon behind Arthur. 

"Look at us! Four strong shootin men, and a lady!" Sean chuckles, climbing up on the wagon beside John who rolls his eyes. 

"Shouldn't we be going over the plan?" Charles points out, climbing onto the side of the wagon to hang on, just as you and Arthur do on the other side. The wagon begins to roll out of the trees as John smacks the reins over the horse's backs. 

"We roll the wagon over the tracks and leave the horses go." John explains, "They'll see the oil and stop. It's easy." 

Sean turns in his seat, looking over the wagon before turning back to John. 

"Yeah but t'eres no oil in the wagon." Sean points out, and collectively everyone else rolls their eyes. 

"Well the conductor don't know that, so it don't matter!" John bites, irritated with everyone's doubts and questions. 

"I don't like it…" You whisper, gripping onto the metal bars of the wagon as it rolls down the road, inching closer towards the train tracks. 

"We ain't got much of a choice." John replies. Once the plan is set, Arthur begins ordering people around, crafting a more detailed plan for the job. 

"As soon as she stops, board her. Charles, deal with the conductor and the front security. John take the passengers. Sean and Star, as soon as she slows, head to the baggage car." He orders, and you roll your eyes at the assignment he's stuck you with. 

"And what are you gonna do?" Charles asks. 

"I'm gonna make sure she slows." 

John pulls the wagon forward, slowing the horses to a stop once the oil wagon is situated over the tracks. You jump down as John and Arthur begin untying the horses from the front, sending them away into the woods.

"Is everyone good with the plan?" Arthur hollers, and you look around, realizing that this is happening. It's inescapable now, and you'll have to deal with the anxiety in your chest. 

"Yeah, we're good." Charles answers, and you nod your head, eyes fixed on the bed in the railroad tracks where the train will be approaching shortly. 

"Alright everyone get in the woods!" Arthur orders, pulling his mask up over his nose before placing one of his boots on the iron track. Charles notices your hesitancy, and grips your arm to pull you towards the treeline. 

"Hey, you alright?" Charles asks, pulling your neckerchief up over your nose as you've forgotten. You nod, a little too quick for his liking. 

"Just nervous." You admit. 

"Just stick with Sean. You'll be okay." Charles offers, squeezing your shoulder lightly. You nod, focusing your attention back on Arthur. 

You feel the vibration of the train long before you see it coming. Arthur's boot shakes against the track, and once he feels it coming he climbs up on top of the oil wagon. You gasp, eyes going wide as he holds his carbine in front of him, in a threatening stance on top of the wagon. He looks like nothing short of a criminal up there, a cold hearted killer. He stands on the wagon with a threatening stance, symbolizing everything that the government wishes to destroy. Feet planted on either side of the oil barrel, it doesn't appear that Arthur will be giving the law a break any time soon. The sight of him standing up on that wagon is one you're sure you'll never forget. If you didn't know Arthur, you'd be terrified. 

Nothing can be heard but uneven, anxious breathing as the train comes around the corner. it's far off, too far for the conductor to see Arthur, but once the bright white headlight peeks around the bend your breath hitches in your throat. 

Arthur cocks his repeater, and you watch as the train comes closer. You expect the train to blow its whistle, for the conductor to do something to warm off Arthur, but he doesn't. Your eyebrows draw together as the train continues to barrel forward, unbothered by the obstruction ahead.

"Why ain't it slowin'?" You ask, breath uneven as your heart rate picks up speed. 

No one responds, watching as it continues forward. Even Arthur seems to lose his composure, stance faltering as the train continues on. It's getting closer to the wagon, and you're not sure if it'll have time to stop before it crashes. 

"There's still time. Hold on." Sean says, eyes flickering up to the rapidly approaching train. 

"John?! Why ain't it stoppin?!" You beg, looking frantically between Arthur and the train. Charles pulls out a pair of binoculars, looking through them to the engine car. 

"Shit! He's dead or he's asleep, but either way the train isn't stopping." Charles says, stuffing his binoculars back as anxiety pangs in your chest. The train is too close now, it can't stop in time even if the conductor were to wake up.

"ARTHUR JUMP!" John screams as all four of you jog out of the woods. Arthur glances between the group of you and the train, unable to hear over the rumbling and screeching. 

"JUMP!" You plead, screaming. Arthur glances at the train once more, and getting the message he jumps as far out as he can. He hits the ground hard, rolling down the slope before he stops. It's only seconds later that the train smashes into the oil wagon. You thank god it's empty, and there's no explosion, but the metallic screech hurts your ears as the train pushes the wagon over in a huge crash. Sparks fly as metal scrapes off metal, but the train carries on forward, pushing the oil wagon in front of it until itfalls off to the side. 

"Why the hell didn't he stop?!" Arthur yells, whistling for Balius.

"The conductor is dead!" You yell, "Are we really still doin' this?" 

Four horses come running up the hill towards you, and the boys mount up ahead of you. 

"Yes! Now mount up, we can catch it before it gets to Rhodes!" John yells, and you leap onto Athena, urging her forward before you even put your feet in the stirrups. The chase is terrifying. It's hard to see in the dark, and you put full trust into Athena as she barrels forward after the train. Sean is the first to catch up, and he jumps from his horse onto the train's roof.

Your heart pounds in your ears as you run forward, watching as Charles, John and Arthur all jump onto the train. 

"Star, cmon!" Arthur yells, and you try to breath as you stand in your saddle, barely able to balance. You jump as far as you can, hoping that you'll make it. The jump is terrifying, but worse is the pain as your body slams against the side of the train. Only your hands have made it to the top as you grip onto the roof, feet dangling down to the rapidly passing ground below. Then a hand grips yours, and pulls you up into the roof. You gasp, looking up to yours and Arthur's hands, muttering a small 'thanks' between trembling breaths. 

"Plan stays the same. Charles, get this thing stopped!" Arthur orders, just as two armed guards climb up onto the roof.

"They're fixin' to rob the train!" One of the boys yells and starts shooting from his revolver. You unholster your own, balancing on the quick moving train as you fire twice into the man's chest. The second man breaches the top, and Sean takes him down with a headshot. The train makes you motion sick, and you have to bite down bile, forcing your eyes away from the ground. 

"We're gettin' too damn close to the town!" John yells, firing into more men as they climb up onto the roof. 

You whip around, looking for Charles to see if he's made progress in getting to the engine car. You don't see him on the roof, so you assume he's close. 

"John! Get down there, me and Star will hold them off. Sean, get to the baggage car!" Arthur yells out. They follow his orders, jumping down to the train cars from behind you and Arthur. 

"Why's there so many?" You yell over the noise as two more men fire toward you.

"I don't know, sure are a lot for an unguarded train- goddammit!" Arthur yells back. 

You lose your balance as the train quickly starts to slow down. Sparks fly and metal screeches as the train begins to slow. You release a breath, reloading your revolver as more guards shoot at you from across the train cars. The train never stops, instead in one fluid movement it slows enough and then starts going backwards.

"Wait- wait, shit!" You yell as the train starts moving in reverse. Just as quickly as the train has stopped, it starts accelerating in the wrong direction, back towards Valentine. 

"What the hell is happenin?" You scream back towards the engine car. You fire into one last guard, and then they stop coming up to the roof for now. 

"We're goin' too fast!" You point out, losing your balance again as trees start to blur by, making you dizzy. 

"Shit, I know. Just get to Sean, I'll see what's happenin' up front!" Arthur hollers, bracing himself as he jumps onto the next train car. 

"Star?" Arthur yells, and you turn around, "Don't get hurt." You nod, and with that he turns, running on the rapidly reversing train towards the engine.

You try to calm down your breathing as you run across the tops of the train cars, jumping as far as you can between each one. Your heart pounds rapidly in your ears, and the train accelerating is nothing but a background noise in your head. Revolver in hand, eventually you make it to the baggage car. 

"Sean you alive?" You yell, bracing yourself as you jump from the roof down onto the platform below. The land sends an ache through your knees, but you do land. 

"Yeah makin out real good down here!" Sean hollers back as you enter the caboose. 

"Why the hell are we in reverse?" Sean asks, stuffing a saddle bag full of cash and jewelry. You immediately get to helping him, ripping open the cupboards and stripping them of their content before shoving the precious items into Sean's bag. 

"I got no idea. Arthur n Charles are dealin' with it." You respond, glancing out the window and gasping when you see that you're nearing Flatneck Station. You've crossed the state line back into New Hanover, and in less than five minutes you'll be crossing over Bard's Crossing, the infamously high railroad bridge. 

"Oh my god, fuck." You curse, stuffing the bags even quicker. Shots ring out from the roof, and you gasp, neck snapping up. 

"That's gotta be Arthur or Charles." You gasp. You look down the train cars to see John pistol whip a man for not giving up his money. 

"Go help ‘em! I'm alright here for now!" Sean hollers, and you nod, running out of the car. Momentarily holstering your gun, you leap up onto the roof, pulling yourself up. Arthur is up there, shooting at a couple of men across the train as you run up to help him.

"You guys got the money?" He asks. 

"Yeah! Why ain't we stopped?!" You yell, shooting at the men, and clipping one in the neck. He falls off the train, and you wince as his body cracks against the quickly passing ground. Just then, Charles comes running across the cars, jumping over the gaps towards you. 

"Conductors dead! Doors locked and he fell on the reverse lever. I can't stop it." Charles explains, "We gotta go NOW, it's not stopping!" He yells, just as two more boys climb up onto the roof. 

"Rot in hell you bastards!" One yells, and you go to reload your revolver, but it's empty. You curse, looking ahead to where the caboose is barreling towards the bridge. 

A man climbs up from behind you, taking you by surprise as he knocks the gun from Arthur's hand. Arthur turns around and punches him right in the face, nose cracking as blood pours from his face. 

"Get off the train! I got this bastard!" Arthur yells, and you hyperventilate, glancing between him and the bridge. Sean and John have already jumped, and you see them riding alongside the train with Athena, Taima and Balius. Charles jumps down, just as Arthur kicks the man off the side of the train. He hits the ground with a sickening crack, and Arthur turns to you, no longer asking. 

"Star, go!" Arthur commands, and you gasp as another man comes up from the side of the train, pulling Arthur into a chokehold from behind.

"Get down here! We can't help him till you're out the way!" John screams up to you, and panicking, you leap. The jump is terrifying, and the land onto your saddle knocks the breath out of you. But then you're safe on Athena, barreling towards the cliffs edge where the bridge begins, waiting for Arthur to deal with the last guard. 

"Does anyone have a shot on him?" Sean yells, gun aimed up at the man who is fighting Arthur. Arthur's body is bigger than the man, and at the angle you're at, it's impossible to kill him without killing Arthur. Arthur struggles, elbowing the man in the gut to break free from his chokehold. 

"No!" John yells back. 

"Arthur!" You scream, though futile, watching as the train gets closer to the bridge. 

"I got this bastard." Arthur chokes out, coughing as he elbows the man enough to get away from his grip. You slide Athena into a stop to avoid running off a cliff as the train starts to go over the bridge. The wind howls in your ear from the elevation as you watch on in horror.

"What do we do!? John-" You whimper, feeling useless and helpless as Arthur punches the man, fists raised as they brawl atop the train. 

"He'll be okay. He will. He'll get down on the other side and we'll run over and get him." John replies. All you can do is watch as the train accelerates across the bridge, and you've never been so afraid in your life. Arthur takes a punch in the gut, leaving him vulnerable. 

"Does anyone have a shot!!?" Sean screams, gun raised. But Arthur is still in the way, and no one can help him, he's on his own.

Somehow the next moment happens in a lifetime, and a fraction of a second. Arthur takes a punch straight straight to the gut, and he doubles over, left vulnerable. The guard steadied himself, lifting his leg until the sole of his boot meets Arthur's stomach. The train is rolling right over the highest part of the bridge as the guard kicks out. Arthur stumbles, and the kick sends him falling over the side of the train. 

All the air leaves your lungs, your eyes go wide, and everything stops as Arthur falls. You're frozen, watching as Arthur falls down past the bridge. It's a high drop, too high. Your eyes go wide as Arthur's arms stretch up, attempting to grasp onto something that isn't there as he plummets two hundred feet down to the lake below.  

"No-" You breathe out, just barely a whisper as you stumble down from Athena, nearly falling from the saddle. 

"Arthur!-" John gasps.

"NO!-" You scream, breaths coming in quick, uncontrollable pants as tears fill your eyes and fall out in thick rivulets. You stumble to the ledge of the bridge, on the tracks, gripping the fence so tight that your knuckles turn white. 

The other three men are slack jawed, horrified. They all gasp, stunned beyond being capable to speak. When you look down, you see the rippling water where Arthur had landed, landed but not come back up.  

"NO!!" You sob, unable to hold back your tears as you fall back, hands never leaving the fence. Your cries are shoulder shaking, and you can't bring yourself to care that you are sobbing in front of the other men. 

"Get back to camp right now and don't get followed." John orders Charles and Sean, tears in his eyes that he quickly wipes away. They comply, silently nodding before turning their horses and galloping home, shell-shocked.

You're too stunned to notice what's going on around you, but your sobs have slowed, turned into aching, painful heaves as your nails dig into the fence, as if you holding on to it will pull Arthur back up to you. 

"Star?" John whispers, so quiet from behind you. You shake your head, knowing what he's going to ask of you. 

"Star, we gotta go. The law will be here soon." John tries to reason, fighting his own internal ache. You're not having it, not leaving, and John places his hands on your shoulders, begging you to come with him. You can't stop looking down at the rippling water, waiting for him to come back up, and tearing your eyes away when he doesn't, a vicious cycle. 

"W-we can't leave him John. What if he- what if he's down there and he needs help?" You cry, lungs aching. 

"I know. We won't. We won't leave him. But we can't help him if the law gets to us." He says, and you nod frantically, thinking over his idea. 

He tries to pull you backwards, away from the bridge. You make it two steps back before the anxiety of not seeing the water wins over and your body practically shies away from John. 

"I can't- I can't go, he…" You begin, biting your cheek until it bleeds, stuck in a state of shock that you can't shake. 

"John, what if he didnt-" You sob, unable to finish the sentence that plagues your mind along with the image of his plummet. 

"He did… Star I ain't goin back to camp missing two people, please come home." He pleads, turning as law whistles sound in the distance. 

"No. I can't." You say, stern in your choice. Because what is there to go back to without him? And what if he needs help?

"Where will you go?" He asks, glancing to the whistles in the distance. 

"I guess across the river so I-" your face crumbles at the idea, "so I can look for him." 

John nods, whistling lowly for Old Boy. The horse trots forward, and John quickly unwraps his camp kit from Old Boy's saddle before tightening it onto Athena's. 

"My camp kit. Take it, you'll need it." He turns to you then, red eyes looking into yours. "Be safe out here… and don't lose yourself. Arthurs my brother. But if he ain't back in a day or two, you gotta come home. He'd want that." John says, voice even raspier than usual as he deals with his emotion. You nod, tears filling your eyes as places his hand on your shoulder.

"If he comes back to camp I'll come for you right away." He offers, and you nod. 

And then he's mounting up, offering you a bittersweet tip of his hat as he rides away. And you're suddenly alone. There's no one here to pick up your broken pieces, so you pick them up yourself, climbing into the saddle and cantering away from the approaching law whistles. You don't try to stop the tears. Some are silent, sliding down your face and dripping into your saddle, but some are loud, and you have to leave go of the reins to sob into your hands. You make it to the other side of the river thanks to Athena, with Balius trotting beside you the entire way. No one tells you what to do when something like this happens. You're lost, left to figure it out as you operate like a shell of a human being, going through the motions to avoid the law. 

Once you're across the Dakota, situated just on the treeline close to the bank you slide down from your mare to sit in the grass, knees held up to your chin as you watch the water. You've never seen it so still. There's not a ripple other than the steady flow out to the lake. The law whistles get louder, and you listen for them as you numbly watch the water for hours, lost in your head. Eventually the law dissipates, giving up and going home.

You don't know if he's dead or not, but the chances of him being okay right now are bad. The bridge hangs over the horizon like a tyrant, a constant reminder of what's just happened. You try to avoid looking at it, try to avoid seeing the fall, the fear in his eyes as his feet left the train. 

You can't help but drift to the fact that your last real conversation was an argument, and you ache to go back in time and spend the day at his picnic like he'd planned. He was right about you. You're a hypocrite. All Arthur has done since you met him was offer kindness when you didn't deserve it. He gave and gave and you took and took. He told you his feelings time and again through his words and his actions. And you rejected him again and again. All because you were afraid. He said it when you went fishing with Jack, he said it when you danced at Sean's party and when you were drunk under the stars. Arthur told you he would wait. He would wait until you were ready. And here you are. It appears your time is up, and Arthur has waited all he can. 

You think back to that first night in Colter, what you'd told yourself that rang out to be true… good people die. 

Nothing happens for a long while. You don't move, and your limbs ache from your curled up position, but you don't care. You've been watching the water for hours to no avail, but then it happens. Something small washes up on the shore, something black. And as soon as your eyes flicker towards it your face crumples, and falls into your knees with a sob. 

"No, no, not him- please." You whimper to yourself quietly, realizing that he's really gone.

You wipe away your tears, finding the strength to stand up from the grass and pluck the object from the shoreline where it washed up. In your hand is an all too familiar black leather hat, wrapped with rope and adorned with a one of a kind hat ornament. 

You place it on the ground by your legs, curling in on yourself as the grief overtakes you, causing your body to ache and your lungs to burn from the sobs that erupt from them. 

taglist: @margofiore @mrsarthurmorgan7 @woman-with-no-name @tillith @luvliewriting @pine4pple-b0i @photo1030 @dudsparrow

series taglist: @catnotbread @chxosangxl @globetrotter28 @justalittlerayofpitchblack @fruittiest-of-loops @randomidk-123 @heyworld-whatsup @btsiguess-kpop @how-the-heck-would-i-know

[chaoticmannamedoliver]

Okay so, below is a health ish update and a vent about my former GP- cause they did smth that feld dehumanizing. This is mostly just so other people who might have similar health issues to me, can point me into right directions....im iffy about doctors rn-

Contents:

- stupid thing my GP did

- listing of my pains i have that neither of my 2 GP's ive been to acknowledged or bothered with. If you have something similar or know ANYTHING, i really need help, even just little things to make it easier.

- So, what my last gp did -

So i had an appointment with her recently that i took my boyfriend too since he was visiting me anyway- love him

I sat down, and the whole appointment was just a disappointment. She basically gave up on figuring out why im dizzy or why my blood pressure is so high with 18. I asked what im supposed to do with my heart, what im supposed to do about the dizzy- that i came to her for answers- but the woman who seemed so keen on finding out whats wrong with me, cursing my first gp for just prescribing me HBP Meds without further research and who daid she loved working with young adults...just apparently gave up n said is nothing n that i should just continue talking my meds. I had my shitty ass cane to the appointment with me, which she asked about - and i said it helped me with my dizzy, to which she rolled her eyes

She offered one more test, probably just to get me out and left for a bit to talk with a doctor. In the meantime i had a breakdown because i got no answers- and didn't get any further.

When she came back, she told me to get up and go straight, i asked to where exactly- then she grabbed my arm, took my cane from me and with a very uncomfortable grip, dragged me to the waiting area in front of the room for the last test and sat me down, giving the cane to my probably very taken aback partner who had followed us and mutteredthat i didn't need it and. I had another breakdown and didn't understand what happened yet- but it felt bad, dehumanizing?? GP asked me not to cry, and that what she did was just to give me courage and then just left. It felt like she never listened to anything i said- and i still don't know what to make of what happened - if anyone has suggestions- do tell? It felt....hurtful

- My issues and ows and whatnot -

So, there are a few, especially now that i have someone who actually tells me that they're not normal.

- my feet/heels start hurting after 5 ish minutes of standing

- i get dizzy if i stand for a minute or two on bad days and good days it kicks after 1-10 minutes

- heat and shower makes dizzy worse. A sitting think in the shower would make it better

- i have too high blood pressure if i don't take the meds.

- no, the dizzy doesn't come from any ear organ stuff. Tested that.

- the dizzy had gotten. Better after the meds, now its hard to tell.

- sometimes my gravity just says no.

- after maybe 30 min to an hour of walking, my feet/heels hurt. After a certain point i get dizzy. Then no amount of break will fix it. I need to lay down.

- without my cane, walking feels heavy. Please let me use my cane for fucks sake im going to hit the next doctor who says i don't need it i swear to GOD.

- growth pain. After a day of walking. Or cleaning. My knees and shins hurt. Especially once im laying again. They hurt so much that i want to claw at them. Take them out. Agony. Luckily ive started to recognize the kinda pain early and take a paracetamol- but without it? Not matter what position, im in pain

I don't think im supposed to have growth pain anymore with almost 19, right?

- when i get dizzy, the ground feels like its zooming away from me

- i was born at the end of the 6th month? If that helps any-

- inherited migraines from my dad- also just side info

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not talking to my sister?

we both currently live in the same house with our mother and youngest sister, who is in elementary. the sister i don't talk to is about two years younger than me. dont want to give exact ages but we are both early adults now. we haven't spoken in about six years, just small talk that is mostly just me giving her a message or asking if she wants something to eat.

now, i stopped talking to her because we got into a fight because i told her she could not hold my little sibling (at that time my mom was the only one working and i was the one caring for my three siblings, including the eldest who is disabled, and i was the only one who knew how to care for a baby.) and she told me basically to die. and a lot of her words were just stuff she was repeating from my mom who has like this weird thing against me since ive been young, never really knew why. she would yell at me in front of my siblings and still does sometimes, though not as much since shes older. anyway, i didnt speak to my sister for about two weeks because of that and also it was not the first time she spoke to me in such a hurtful way, until some family members noticed and scolded me for it being as i am her older sibling.

i didn't feel like what she said was right but eventually i realized i do love and care for her so i did try to make it up by walking her home from school and hugging her and buying her snacks from the gas station that was near our house at the time. but i guess my actions afected her and ever sense she had no interest in speaking with me, which my mother does still constantly blame me for.

i feel bad and i did try many times to fix things and even still currently although i know she doesnt care for me i do little things for her. but she doesnt want to talk and at this point i don't feel obligated to even want to keep trying to mend our relationship when she doesnt even care.

then recently things kind of went bad, which i won't go too much into detail about, but she ended up going to a mental hospital for a few days for running away and threatening to kill herself. and she made some comments about me to my mom saying that i didn't care about her and its my fault she did those things, which my mom agreed. then she came home after begging my mom to get her and pretended as if nothing happened. i soon found out from my eldest sib (who this sister is closer to) that she only did that in hopes that she could get somethign from my mom but idk what and why she even mentioned me because then some people came around asking me if i abused her or anything and why i didnt talk to her.

but it made me angry and hurt since i have been working to be a better sibling even in this awful household, ive been trying to treat my baby sibling better too so at least she knows she's loved and not alone. i am working and going to school while she (sibling i am not talking to) gets to sit at home. i get her gifts and she doesnt even thank me. i still love her even though she hates me so much, even though i know she was just manipulated by our mom to feel that way about me. and for her to say that after ive constantly tried to be there even when she didnt want me it just hurted.

now i am so tired and im preparing to leave the house because i cant do it anymore, although i would hate to leave my younger siblings with my mom. and i think i will give up trying to mend our relationship, because i thought she could change but its becoming to much and i cant be here. i know i should not have stopped speaking with her and i regret it, but i feel like my efforts over the years should be acknowledged too.

and i just need to know am i a bad person for feeling this way? should i even keep trying?

What are these acronyms?

[almostwisegalaxy]

The glory

Ha Do Young x reader

Part 3

Two weeks later

Dong-woon and I left enough clues for Ha Do-yeon's mind to question her child's paternity. Normally he should come today and collect the results. I don't think I'll be there when he comes. I work nights, my shift ends at 8am and I have 30 minutes to drop Chin off at school.

Ha Do Young's point of view

My hands are sweaty and I'm stressed. It's only 6:30 in the morning, but I'm going to the clinic to get the results of this damn test. Find out if Ye-sol is my blood, if my marriage is based on a complete lie. As soon as you arrive, I go to the reception and ask for documents.

“Yes, here are the results of the genetic test, Mr. Thank you for using our services.”

I sat down in the waiting room and decided to open the envelope. I try, but nothing works. My vision is blurry and my hands are shaking. "Excuse me, is there a doctor who can read the results now?" »

"Yes, of course. It's the third door on the right."

When I opened the door, I saw Mr. Yu concentrating on what appeared to be a patient's medical papers.

"I'm sorry to disturb you this early."

“Oh, I'm fine. "What should I do for you?"

"Can you read his results? I'm afraid of misinterpreting them."

"Yes, please sit down."

"These results demonstrate 0% genetic identity between the two individuals."

“………… Thanks, I think I should go..."

Pov pov

Yes but no

he fainted

“Mr Ha, can you hear me?

I have no response. I expected him to be shocked by the news, but not so shocked as to faint. . He should wake up soon, right?

later in the day

It is 10 p.m. when I return to resume work with one of my colleagues. When I left this morning, Mr. Ha couldn't wake up, so I left that to the nurse, and he was very pale, so I asked him to give me an IV. And when I came back to my office, it was still as inert as it was hours ago.

The clinic isn't very busy tonight, so I'm going to see a few patients first. Some get a prescription and leave immediately, while others are kept in a room overnight due to their condition. I will go back to Mr. Ha. I stopped noticing his upper body movements, so I lowered myself to bed level to check for lice. I put my hand on his neck and looked at the clock. Yes, he is breathing quite normally. And at that moment he decided to wake up, put his hands on his neck and looked into mine. From this point of view, it looked like two people about to kiss.

"You're finally awake. I'm starting to worry."

"Why am I here?"

"You came for tests and due to lack of food, I guess you passed out"

He let go of my hand and we both sat down

" What time is it ?"

"11:40 p.m."

He tried to pull the IV out of his hand but I stopped him by putting my hand on it.

"Don't do this, you don't have enough iron and you could fall at any movement"

"You don't understand. I have to fix something at home"

"I know you must be worried about your daughter, but I don't think confronting your wife about it right now is good for your health."

"Because in addition to being a doctor, you are a marriage counselor?" I don't think a single mother knows what to do in this situation!

"Forgive me, I-"

"Okay. Take that needle off if you want so much you hit your face on the next stairs you'll see later. Get out of here" I said as I left the room.

"Miss Yu wait" but there was no time. I slammed the door in his face.

Dong Eun I hope you manage on your side because what I have is rat bowl

I slipped away 2 hours later and found him STILL there, lying staring at the ceiling. Let him do what he wants. I sat in the chair behind the desk, with my back to him, to study the somewhat complicated case of an undiagnosed woman.

Ha Do Young pov

"Miss Yu, I sincerely apologize to you. I should never have talked to you like that, especially since you were trying to help me"

" Hmm"

"And I also apologize for yelling at you. It was anger but I know it shouldn't have been directed at you"

" Hmm "

"You still won't talk to me?"

" Hmm"

"Can I at least ask you a question?"

" Hmm "

"How did you know I took a paternity test?"

"I was wondering what was the cause of your sudden unhealthiness and I got the information from the lab technician"

I say nothing more to collect my ideass. I don't know if I'm angry or sad right now. Well I blame yeon jin for lying to me but I don't know. From the beginning I suspected an extra marital relationship but I didn't dwell on it more than that. After all she fit the but gender standard and my mother had happily given her approval to the wedding announcement so I thought it was already good enough to live out the rest of my life. But I was seriously mistaken.

"What...what would you do if it was you in this situation?"

"I will do everything to keep my child. If eventually I still love him so much"

" But how to do it ?"

"It's simple. I turn his brain over to him in order to acquire proof of any mental instability of my spouse and the other in case he wants to recover the child following the divorce. But after that it's not that the opinion of a mother who raises her child alone does not take it into account "

"Sorry again for-"

" Excuse rejected. What do you think? Raising a child alone is easy? I have no one to trust my son to when I'm not around. I'm carrying my child just to have enough money to give him what he deserves. So I don't allow anyone to judge me. Is that clear?" She is now facing me speaking. I decide to get up to talk to him

"I can't say otherwise. I see how hard you are working for both of you and my words were very inappropriate. I don't know if you could forgive me"

"I think you'd better leave if you feel up to it"

" All right." I gather my things and get ready to leave. " Bye"

After leaving the hospital at dawn, I just went home to change. Ye-sol and her mother are still sleeping. It's better this way, I don't know how it's going to end if we talk. I am working at the moment. I just finished one and I'm so tired. I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. But I don't want to think about anything. I just want to have my daughter with me, even if she's not really mine.

And this conversation with Ms. Yu ohhh. I hate this tension that has set in. I can understand his reaction to my comment. Basically, I always avoid unnecessary arguments, especially with those around me, so this situation makes me sad.

I decide to pick up Ye-sol from her school to spend some time with her and see if I still love her as much as before. The road from the company to the elementary school passed by the path of Ms. Yu's son Chin, I looked around not expecting to see anything special except for the little one sitting under the tree in front of the school. But what can he be doing at this hour outside. I got out of the car to go see him but noticed a few other kids around him.

"See, I told you. No one will come looking for him because he doesn't have a father."

“Bouu has a little chin without a father bouuu” “yes a bastard”

"Fuck bastards!" They screamed in their hearts but upon noticing me they ran away.

Chin was lying on the ground, his back to me. Looks like they pushed him. He tries not to cry, it shows. I leaned over to him and started a discussion with him.

“Did you hurt my little one?

"No...... Just a little crack on the knee"

"Okay, and can you tell me what you do outside of school?"

"The teacher has to go there urgently. The director called all the parents to come and take us home but mum didn't answer"

"but why aren't you in the yard, safe."

"It's them...... They like to bother me and hurt me. And I don't want to wait with them"

" OK. Uhh how about I take you to see your mom?

"You would do that?"

"Of course. I just need to take my daughter and go. Do you trust me?"

"No, But I Want to See Mom"

"so let's go see her"

I took her hand, bandaged her knee and we were on our way. Once at the hospital, I drove two toddlers across the street. Upon arriving, he knocked on the door and we heard a voice

"Yes who is it?"

"Hello, it's me momma" he says running to throw himself on the mother who has just caught up with him

"Yes and us too" ye-sol greeted her from inside the room

“Hey kids, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class? "

"Madam must have come home early"

"My father came to get me"

"And he scratched his knee" I said

"Pardon ?"

Then she examined his wound, disinfected it and put a bandage on it. Meanwhile, ye-sol fetches snacks from the vending machine further away.

"How did you do that? Honey"

"Other kids push me"

"And why are they doing this?"

"He just likes to annoy me. It's nothing serious, momma."

"No, from what I could see, it's not just adispute. This is harassment", I said

"And maybe you know why he harassed you?" He immediately bowed to his mother's words, as if he had been mistaken.

"Chin answers mom" she told him, she gently grabbed his shoulder "my chick?"

"........They say I'm a bastard......That I don't have a father and that's why I'm going to end my life in school. I'm sorry mom, I know this is wrong. Anyway, I only need you” and he hugs her.

"You don't have to apologize for that. It's not your fault"

Then Ye-sol came back and offered to take the kids to lunch and bring her son back around the afternoon. She agreed and we left her alone. She really needs it.

___________________________________

hey hi. I don't have many ideas to continue the story, so I prefer to wait for season 2 which comes out soon to get an idea. I hope you like the story. and if you have any ideas. Help me

A perfect family 🫣

Part2:

[danileepearce]

I share a plex server with some friends over where I live now and sometime ago someone requested and added Welcome To The NHK to the list of available shows on it. About a week ago i started to work my way through watching it and just tonight I finally finished it. I didn't really think to expect much from it, but it ended up a show, a world, a set of characters that im really glad i ended up spending my nights with.

Firstly, the show for a good handful of its duration is absolutely laugh out loud funny. I now understand in that way why it seems to have been at least a minor sensation in some corners of late 00s internet(i don't know exactly of the reach it had, but it was probably big). so many easily quotable/jokeable/memeable moments throughout, such a hilarious dissection of otaku culture and also really just like, early 20s life. satou is the most 22 years old any human being has ever been in their entire lives.

the show genuinely takes its sweet time really kind of slowly inching its true message on you; it front-loads itself heavily with its comedy and its stories about satou and yamazaki being complete ridiculous dumbasses over several episodes, with every episode ending with that insane ABABA BABA BA ODORU AKACHAN NINGEN song which, the lyrics are so well written and so relatable for 2006…i was only 11 when this first aired! ********************************************************************* [[MAJOR SPOILERS PAST THIS POINT, DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT THEM, ALSO CONTENT WARNING FOR SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER]] *********************************************************************

but then you get to that point in the series where satou becomes This Close to committing suicide. its played off in a somewhat over-dramatic way and even that has humorous undertones to it, but the first true colors of the heart behind the show really begin to introduce themselves in a very visible way after that point. the end credits song changes to something a lot more grounded, and little by little from then on, the humor kind of falls away, the characters satou had to bounce off of in these ways depart from the main plot altogether (but they give satou and yamazaki that one last "snowball fight" lmao. how did those two never kiss) until its just him and misaki. i actually was stunned at how totally transformed the tone had become by the last few episodes.

When I finally got to the end, it was one of those endings….one of those resolutions….where i just kind of ended up going out for a night walk at 2 am, walking for almost an hour listening to music, and then sitting out on a lounge chair on my driveway staring up at the stars and just thinking.

The big lore reveal for misaki around the climax of the story made me realise just how much i had in common with her. Basically ever since i first became homeless, and honestly some time before that, I feel like i've basically just always dedicated myself to helping others as best as i can. i used to be pretty bad at it, but i was dedicated enough to making this a fundamental part of who i was it that it became a skill within myself i refined like a sharp blade over the years. i gave myself up to ppl completely, in more ways than one, often just to have a place to stay. to this day, i feel like i give so much to my friends. i try to give so much to whatever community i find myself in. because i think i too share a compulsion to give others the love and the kindness that i was never given when i most needed it. like misaki. i also have worried pretty heavily about if my usefulness would last to the people around me. ive also hinged my entire life purpose on that.

i dont think i have as tragic of a backstory as misaki's is framed to be, but my family life was in many ways as equally fractured as hers. my mom didn't kill herself, but it feels like she might as well have. she always seemed like there once was a human being there that just became completely consumed with hate, with christofascism, with this desire to have me constantly hurt and beaten by not just her but by just about every adult figure that graced my life for many years. my dad was just simply not present, and was consumed by this complete inability to ever have the relationship with me that i so badly needed from him growing up. at times he was an equal participant in the abuse. and additionally at times he was actually scarier and a lot more energetically violent. when satou is on the island and raises his voice and fist to misaki, her reaction was something i felt very deeply. it especially hit with the lore reveal.

additionally, i related to satou in a number of ways too. up until this year i had spent the last 9 years essentially living in this very open-wound self-exploitative way where i essentially kept no secrets and no part of me concealed from people until this spring, around my 29th birthday, and at some point in the following summer, everything just Slammed Shut on my fingers from the inside and has not reopened. i feel like ive radically transformed into being a much more private person. i hardly post anywhere on social media anymore and most times i just outright avoid it. ive unfollowed/disconnected from a lot of the ppl i knew in that time period. ive struggled lately with a very deep fear of the world and of nearly everybody in it, since many of the people i met after escaping home were also people that hurt me in pretty profound ways, both on and offline. i spend a lot of time just in my house, which i try to maintain as low of stimuli within as i can. sometimes i just lie down and i listen to music and get lost in a very deep currant of my own thoughts. sometimes i just spiral. i was spiraling pretty heavily over this last week especially. feeling like the world and everyone in it wants nothing to do but just hurt me. like ITS ALL A CONSPIRACY (OF COURSE! WHY DIDN'T I REALIZE THIS BEFORE!)to keep me always suffering and in pain.

And, like both characters, i have wanted to kill myself. many times over many years. sometimes for extremely silly and impulsive reasons like satou, sometimes for reasons based out of very real deep-seated trauma, fear, and a sense of never-ending heartbreak like misaki. the way she fixates on death and suicide leading up to her own attempts is something i've done more times than i can count. anyone who has known me for any length of time has learned this about me at some point. my most recent plan to do so was made at the end of july this year. its funny in that way how satou catches misaki before she falls, and how satou is caught by the chain link (lol) and misaki then helps him back onto the cliff. that to me very much analogues my friends catching me and me catching myself. maybe im also that chain link; where even in my most brazen and my most far-flung from a grounded feeling that a hard wall will always stop me short from going through with it. who knows!

and i mean, maybe a hikkikimori partially/subliminally fits my description as of present, but maybe without the negative connotations that seem to associate with that term. ive mostly become a lot more hermetic out of necessity. I've Lived So Much Life and a lot of life that no one should ever have to live, and i've finally arrived at a place of stability and support where i can finally just Withdraw from it all. i can live with a quietness and a control over my environment that i've essentially always longed for. i guess that ive lived the reverse life of satou; he seems very comically dedicated to Always Being A Hikkikimori and yet he ends up doing a lot of Living over the course of the series! and in the end it results in him kind of resurfacing properly into the world. thats what the series portrays as a happy ending but i'd like to think that my "reversed" version of that has a happy ending to it in itself. i can finally live how i feel i deserve to. i can finally find and feel my own happiness in the withdrawal from so many elements in my life that were hurting me, burning me, bruising me very terribly.

id like to think also that our overall attitudes towards ppl who quote-on-quote Don't Contribute To Society have vastly improved since 2006; on a few occasions the series seemed very mean spirited in a way that hasn't aged well. The brief focus on kobayashi's brother i thought was really touching though; seemed like a more sympathetic look at complete reclusiveness even though he too has another "happy ending" type resolution. some ppl are just most comfortable shut off and isolated from most things in the world, especially in a covid age.

but anyway, i really like that the way satou and misaki dedicate themselves to self preservation is a(nother) contract that basically binds them them both to stay alive together. neither one of them wants the other to die, so either they both have to or neither of them do. that's really cute and sweet. i think i would get a lot out of having that kind of agreement with someone. like really, the way that this series extrapolates upon what it means to live, what it means to keep going, is done in a way that is surprisingly very well handled and very affecting to someone like me. and i definitely am sure that im not alone in that. these subjects were always the series' secret weapon, they were always the CONSPIRACY. the series just wants us all to live, to take care of ourselves through everything as much as we can.

in all of this, im reminded of a memory of someone who long ago i used to talk to and message every day as an excited 16 year old who barely knew how to be an actual person and was only really just learning how to interact with people online. if memory serves, Welcome To The NHK was a series that was very close and dear to her at that time. i hope she's doing ok.

but yeah. i guess in its own strange way NHK has become one of my unexpectedly favorite anime of all time, something that is no secret to anyone who has reached this same sentiment about it. It was something that found me at the perfect place at the perfect time. i get it now. i feel like i now get so much. a lot of this feels written very messily and disorganized and complicated in my thinking and wording, but if you made it this far, thank you for reading. its been a minute since i felt this inspired to just write

[sequinsmile-x]

Expeditious - Part 2

This wasn't how Emily had seen her quiet, low-key, wedding day going.

Part 1

-x-

Hi friends,

Happy Sunday! This has very much got away from me and I hope you like this <3

Please let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 3k

Warnings: pregnancy, labour, preterm labour

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily groans as she slowly walks around her hospital room, both of her hands tight around the IV pole she was attached to as Aaron walked beside her, taking his role as her shadow very seriously. Her doctor had told her it was okay to walk around during labour to try and encourage it along, but that she had to be careful. Aaron was watching her like a hawk, his hands hovering just short of her back as if he were ready to catch her if necessary. 

She knew he was itching to touch her, his hands twitching at his sides as she walked back and forth across the small room, but she couldn’t bear it. She’d never shied away from his touch before, she always sought it the warmth of his palm, the press of his skin against hers one of the few things that could calm her down no matter what. This felt different, every time he touched her she felt suffocated, the pressure and anxiety of what was happening pressing down on her. She couldn’t control that her baby was coming early. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d somehow failed her child before they were even born, that she hadn’t been able to protect them for as long as she should have, and it hurt, emotional pain working against her with the physical pain of labour. Both of them rolling through her in waves, leaving her caught in the riptide. 

She could control this, a small piece of autonomy when her body hardly felt like hers. She was receiving steroids for the baby’s lungs, she was being checked every 30 minutes to check on the progress of her labour and the birth she’d pictured, the one she’d written a plan out for weeks ago, had been taken from her. 

She moans in pain as another contraction starts and she stops in place, her grip on the IV pole increasing as she scrunches her eyes closed, desperately trying to breathe through it, “Holy fuck this hurts.”

Almost out of instinct, a habit he can’t fight no matter how much he’s trying to, he reaches out for her. His palm is barely on her back before she flinches, jumps like she’s been burned, and he pulls his hand back, letting it drop to his side. He knows she doesn’t mean it, but it doesn’t stop the flash of hurt that burns in his chest. 

“Do you want me to get you anything?” He asks as the contraction passes and she shakes her head, slowly walking back towards the bed, her breath forced out of her as she sits back down. 

“No,” she says, forcing a smile on her face as she shakes her head, “Everything I do want I’m not allowed right now, and if I see another ice chip I might throw them at someone,” she says and she smiles when she chuckles. She shuffles back so she’s sitting up in the bed and swings her legs over on the mattress. She smiles when Aaron pulls the blanket back up over her, clearly making a point of not touching her at any point, and guilt swirls in her chest, “I’m sorry.” 

He frowns as he finishes arranging the blanket, taking his place in the chair next to her bed, “Why are you sorry?” 

She nods towards where they’d been standing when she’d flinched at his touch, “I didn’t mean to…”

He smiles softly as she trails off, “You have nothing to apologise for sweetheart,” he assures her, “Nothing at all.” 

She presses her lips together in an attempt to suppress her smile, love for him briefly replacing the anxiety that had taken residence in her chest ever since they found out she was in labour. She rests her hands on her bump and rubs a gentle circle over it,  desperately trying to distract herself until her next contraction. 

“We should let the others know we won’t be able to make it tonight,” she says softly, smiling at the thought of their friends all waiting at Dave’s house, “It’s not exactly a wedding reception if the bride and groom don’t turn up.”

He chuckles, “It’s not exactly a wedding reception if the guests don’t know thats what they are there for.” 

It had been her idea. The team's monthly pasta night was that evening, and it had formed part of the decision for picking that day for their wedding. It had allowed them to have the private ceremony they’d both decided they wanted but also the chance to celebrate with their friends the same day. 

“All that champagne we bought to ply them with once they found out we didn’t invite them to the wedding will go to waste,” she says, blowing out a steady breath.

“It won’t go to waste, Em,” he promises her, his hand on the edge of her bed, just shy of her, “We’ll celebrate with them when you two are home. We’ll have two things to celebrate, and you’ll even be able to have some of the champagne.” 

Her smile shakes as she’s overwhelmed with fear again, “As long as everything is okay.”

He hears what she hasn’t said, the unknown of if the baby would be okay hanging over them, and he wishes more than anything that he could reassure her, that he could take away all of the pain he could see in her eyes, but he knows he can’t. All he can do is be here for her in whatever way she needs him. 

“No matter what happens, things will be okay, Em,” he says softly and she chuckles, the sound catching in her chest as a tear falls onto her cheek.

“How do you know that?” She asks, her voice trembling, and he has to once again stop himself from reaching out for her, from wiping the tear from her cheek, not wanting to push her over the edge. 

“Because everything is always okay when I’m with you,” he says, with sincerity that flows off of him like a fine cologne. 

She laughs, her love for him unable to escape in any other way, forcing its way out of her chest as more tears slip down her cheeks. She can’t help herself as she places her hand over his, linking their fingers together and squeezing. She can feel the desperation in how he squeezes back, can see how some of the tension in his shoulders dissipates. 

She still couldn’t believe sometimes that she loved someone this much, that he loved her back. It was a life she’d once convinced herself she’d never get and it was precious to her, something she would spend the rest of her life protecting and cultivating. 

“Everything is always okay when I’m with you too.” ___

She grunts when she falls back against Aaron as the contraction passes, her embargo on him touching her long gone, left behind them around the time she’d had to start pushing almost an hour ago. It’s like a switch flipped, and all of a sudden she needed him behind her. He’d slipped into the bed without comment, sitting so she could settle between his legs, her back against his chest as he held both of her hands tightly. 

“Fuck,” she says, her head lulling to the side as she tries to catch her breath, moaning as another contraction starts to build already, “This sucks so much,” she complains, her breathing heavy as Aaron presses a kiss to her sweaty forehead, “This hurts so much more than being stabbed with a table leg.” 

Aaron stops himself from laughing when he sees the concern flash across the faces of the doctor and nurses in the room and he kisses Emily’s forehead again before he squeezes her hands. 

“You’re so close, Em,” he says, “Just a few more minutes and we’ll meet our baby.” 

She shakes her head, her entire body on edge as pain rolls through it, her grip on his hands getting impossibly tighter, “No, it’s too early. It’s too early it’s not sa-” 

She groans, cutting herself off as her body starts to take over, forcing her to push even though she doesn’t want to. 

“Your husband is right,” Doctor Griffin says from the end of the bed, her smile something close to encouraging, “I’m holding your baby’s head, they’ve got a head full of dark hair,” she says softly, “One more push and you’ll have a baby.” 

“You’ve got this, sweetheart,” Aaron says, his lips against her temple, “I’m so proud of you.” 

Emily screams as she pushes, falling back against Aaron as she feels their baby leave her body, slipping into Doctor Griffin’s waiting hands. 

“It’s a girl,” Doctor Griffin says, and Emily chokes on a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. 

“A girl,” she breathes out, tilting her head to look at Aaron, “We have a little girl.”

“I love you,” he replies, kissing her, a quick thing stamped against her lips, her response muffled by it. 

It’s only when she pulls back she realises in the few seconds since the baby had been born there had been silence. She tries to sit up but Aaron stops her, his hold on her firm enough to keep her in place. She can feel his fear too, passing from his chest into hers as he holds her impossibly closer, the joy they’d felt all too brief.

“Why isn’t she crying?” She asks, watching Doctor Griffin intently as she works, “What’s wrong-”

She’s cut off by a sharp, loud, cry and the relief is palpable, driving her to tears as she relaxes against Aaron again. 

“Here she is,” Doctor Griffin says, passing the baby into Emily’s waiting hands, “You only have a couple of minutes I’m afraid before we need to take her to the NICU to get checked over by the doctors there.” 

Her words barely register as Emily holds her daughter close with shaking hands. She smiles as the baby calms down a little the moment she’s in her arms. There are so many people in the room, Doctor Griffin still at the foot of the bed, a nurse whose name she’s forgotten putting a tiny hat on the baby’s head to keep her warm and a blanket over her back, another nurse waiting to take the baby away from her in a few moments, but everything is narrowed down to just her, her little girl and Aaron. 

“Look at you,” Emily says, desperately trying to take everything in, to remember every little detail of this moment, every feature of her tiny baby from her dark hair plastered to her head to her dark, bleary eyes, “You’re so beautiful,” she turns to look at Aaron, unsurprised to find tears shining in his eyes too, “Look at her Aaron.” 

“She’s perfect,” he says, his voice cracking as he kisses Emily’s cheek, his hand coming to rest over hers on the baby’s back, “Just like you.” 

“I’m sorry to do this,” Doctor Griffin says, nodding one of the nurses over, “But we do need to take her for now,” she says sympathetically, smiling softly when Emily tightens her hold on her baby, “I’m also still not done with you Emily.” 

She hates it and she can’t explain how she feels, a deep protectiveness overtaking her as she holds her daughter closer, eyeing the nurse who steps closer suspiciously even though she was only doing her job. 

“I…I can’t let her go,” she says, feeling ridiculous, but Doctor Griffin’s response is only more kindness, her hand on Emily’s knee as she squeezes. 

“You’ll have a whole lifetime together,” she assures her, “And she looks okay, but since she was only 34 weeks we need to check her lungs and a few other things that we can’t do here,” she smiles as Emily doesn’t relent, no closer to handing the baby over, “And Aaron can go with her to the NICU if that makes you feel any better, whilst we work on delivering the placenta and giving you a few stitches.” 

She nods, turning her head to look at her husband, “You need to go with her.” 

He frowns, the thought of leaving Emily by herself when she is so vulnerable going against all of his instincts, even though he also wants to be with his daughter, “Are you sure, sweetheart?” 

She nods again and raises her little girl up so she can kiss her before she hands her over to the nurse, her hands itching to take her back the moment her slight weight is no longer against her chest. 

“I’m sure,” she says, “I don’t want her to be alone.” 

Aaron kisses her, his hand on her cheek as he holds her in place before he pulls back. He slips out from behind her carefully, making sure not to hurt her as she lays back against the mattress. 

“I love you,” he says, squeezing her hand and kissing her knuckles before he lets go, “I’ll bring her back as soon as I can.” 

“Love you too,” she says, her eyes fixed on the bassinet her daughter had been placed in, “Both of you.” 

She sighs as she watches them go, finally giving into the emotions that had taken residence in her chest as the door closes, a sob escaping her as she covers her face. She shakes her head at herself as she furiously wipes tears from her cheeks

“Goddamn it, I can’t stop crying.” 

Doctor Griffin smiles at her, “You got married this morning and you had your baby 6 weeks early,” she says, squeezing her knee one more as she winks at her, “I think you’re allowed to cry today of all days.” 

Emily nods, her lower lip trembling as she feels another contraction start to build and she stares at the door Aaron and their baby had left through along with what felt like part of her heart.

___

By the time Doctor Griffin clears Emily to go to the NICU herself, it’s unnecessary. 

Aaron walks back into the room with a tiny bundle in his hands and a reassuring smile on his face. He walks over and adjusts his hold on the baby, passing her over to Emily without needing to be asked. 

“Someone was insistent on seeing Mommy as soon as possible,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed as Emily holds their daughter close to her chest, her lips against the baby’s hair as she breathes her in. 

“Hi sweet girl,” she says, kissing the side of her head, “Mommy missed you,” she says before she looks at Aaron, “What did the doctor say? Is she okay?” 

He nods, his hand on her leg as he squeezes it through the blanket, “She’s okay, she’s tiny, only 5lbs. But she’s okay,” he assures her, smiling as she visibly relaxes, “She shouldn’t need the NICU but they’ll monitor her closely and she needs to go to the progressive care nursery whilst you’re here - it’s just down the hall. They let me break her out for a bit,” he clears his throat before he says the next part, well aware it wasn’t going to go down well, “She’ll be here for at least a week.” 

Emily frowns, tightening her hold on her daughter, “Doctor Griffin said I can go home tomorrow. I’m not leaving without her.” 

Aaron knew that would be the first thing she’d say when she found out, but he also knew not to argue with her about it now, that it would be a bridge they’d have to cross when she was discharged.

“Let’s not worry about that now,” he says, leaning forward and kissing her, “We should focus on her name first,” he pulls back and smiles at her, tilting his head so he’s looking at his daughter’s sleeping face, her cheek pressed against Emily’s chest, “I think the name we picked works perfectly.” 

She nods, pushing back her worry about leaving her baby behind as she looks down at her, “Yeah, I think you’re right,” she says, smiling at her husband before she looks at her daughter again, “Hi Molly,” she says, testing the name on her tongue, knowing she’d say it every day from the rest of her life, “I think you get your desire to be early from Daddy,” she says, smiling when Aaron laughs, “You definitely don’t get that from me.” 

Aaron shifts so he’s closer to them, wrapping his arm around Emily’s shoulders, “She just wanted to be part of today,” he says, kissing Emily’s temple, “And now neither one of us will ever  forget our anniversary.” 

She laughs and she nods, “That’s true,” she says, tracing her finger up and down Molly’s cheek, “You just wanted to be a part of the fun.” 

He watches his girls together for a moment before he sighs softly, “Shall we call the others?” 

She nods, tearing her eyes away from Molly, “We should. Facetime Pen - she’ll have her phone with her, she’s probably trying to track where we are.” 

Aaron laughs and kisses her before he stands up, picks up his phone and selects Penelope’s name. He turns the camera and makes sure Emily and Molly are in the shot before the call goes through. 

“Make sure to cover her ears,” he says, smiling when Emily does just that placing her hand over the ear not pressed to her chest, “I have a feeling she’s going to-”

“Bossman, I was just about to track you two down…” Penelope says as she answers, trailing off as she realises what she’s looking at, her squeal so loud Aaron sees Dave jump in the background, “Oh my GOD.” 

-x-

....yes there will be a part 3 xo

-x-

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